I am one of those "all-or-nothing" people. I always have been. I prefer black and white to the whole idea of a grayscale. I prefer Yes or No, not Maybe. I want everything, or I want nothing.
This is a pervasive part of Perfectionism. Perfectionism is my very worst quality. It pushes me to achieve the impossible, to strive for the unattainable, and to think the worst of myself when I "fail." It addes to my sense of frustration and unhappiness with life, when in reality, I have everything I always wanted. I don't want to teach my daughter this impossible way of living. I have to root it out of myself and learn to be a Mary-in-a-Martha-world.
Always learning. Always growing. This is what I get for asking God to build character in me... =)
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Play Time
Last night, Claira was in great spirits. She has finally come around back to being her old self after being sick, and was playing and laughing and having a good old time. She even slept ALL NIGHT LONG!!!
Greg likes to pretend to be asleep whenever she & I come home to him, and he'll pretend to be snoring and she loves to "wake" him up. While she was playing and walking around near the couch, I started to play pillow fight with her. After a few minutes, she put her head down on the couch pillow and pretended to "snore" while she was looking up at me smiling. It was a riot! She kept making that little "shhhewww" sound and grinned at me.
Later, she found her deflated punch balloon. Uncle Kevin brought it over to her from Kyle's birthday party that she missed because she was sick. She was playing with it, and stuck one end in her mouth and crawled over to me and sat back on her feet and looked up at me and kinda yelled "mmmmm" at me until I looked at her. I took it out of her mouth and threw it into the middle of the floor. So she turned around and crawled over to it, lowered herself to pick it up with her mouth and brought it back to me. She was playing "fetch" and after a couple of times, Greg got into it and she's pick it up and bring it to us. She'd sit back on her little feet and wait for us to throw it out again. I started petting her hair and telling her what a good puppy she was and barked "woof woof" at her. She "barked" back a little high pitched "woof woof" and proceeded to get the balloon again and bring it back to me.
Greg & I were in hysterics. We could not get over that - What a funny little thing she is.
She has started responding to questions with a head nod / "yes" or a shake / "no" which has been a lot of fun, too. She actually responds to "Do you want mommy to make you a bottle so you can go night-night?" with a yes and a head nod on a regular basis - and she means it. We enjoy this new level of communication with her. She certainly has a mind of her own and for the most part, does not just answer "yes" or "no" randomly.
She even took her few, first, faltering steps last night from daddy to me. WHAT FUN!!! She is growing so fast and I just enjoy each new stage (okay - not every stage: The whole pitching a fit while I change her clothes is not enjoyable) and really love being able to watch her become this real, little person. Kinda like the little boy and his Velveteen Rabbit, maybe???
Greg likes to pretend to be asleep whenever she & I come home to him, and he'll pretend to be snoring and she loves to "wake" him up. While she was playing and walking around near the couch, I started to play pillow fight with her. After a few minutes, she put her head down on the couch pillow and pretended to "snore" while she was looking up at me smiling. It was a riot! She kept making that little "shhhewww" sound and grinned at me.
Later, she found her deflated punch balloon. Uncle Kevin brought it over to her from Kyle's birthday party that she missed because she was sick. She was playing with it, and stuck one end in her mouth and crawled over to me and sat back on her feet and looked up at me and kinda yelled "mmmmm" at me until I looked at her. I took it out of her mouth and threw it into the middle of the floor. So she turned around and crawled over to it, lowered herself to pick it up with her mouth and brought it back to me. She was playing "fetch" and after a couple of times, Greg got into it and she's pick it up and bring it to us. She'd sit back on her little feet and wait for us to throw it out again. I started petting her hair and telling her what a good puppy she was and barked "woof woof" at her. She "barked" back a little high pitched "woof woof" and proceeded to get the balloon again and bring it back to me.
Greg & I were in hysterics. We could not get over that - What a funny little thing she is.
She has started responding to questions with a head nod / "yes" or a shake / "no" which has been a lot of fun, too. She actually responds to "Do you want mommy to make you a bottle so you can go night-night?" with a yes and a head nod on a regular basis - and she means it. We enjoy this new level of communication with her. She certainly has a mind of her own and for the most part, does not just answer "yes" or "no" randomly.
She even took her few, first, faltering steps last night from daddy to me. WHAT FUN!!! She is growing so fast and I just enjoy each new stage (okay - not every stage: The whole pitching a fit while I change her clothes is not enjoyable) and really love being able to watch her become this real, little person. Kinda like the little boy and his Velveteen Rabbit, maybe???
Monday, August 28, 2006
Java Jo...
Today, I am truly and honestly thankful to God for the wonder of creation. On my way into work this morning, I could see through the mist and light fog that the leaves have already begun to turn shades of orange, rust, and gold. I love Fall. I love it. I love the way the air begins to change. The humidity begins to recede. The heat begins to subside. I look forward to that “crisp” feeling and smell of the Fall air. I especially LOVE the Fall palette, and when it looks as if the trees are on fire with the sunlight, it is simply breathtaking.
I started my musings about Fall whilst drinking my favorite cup of coffee on my way to work – a Starbucks Venti Caramel White Chocolate Mocha. Aaaah – the beauty of coffee. I have been in love with coffee since I was a little girl. Not that I was allowed to drink it – I wasn’t. My early associates with coffee had to do with my Grandpa & Grandma King. They were always drinking coffee. When I would hug them, I could smell it on their breath, mingled with either their cologne or perfume, and it became a “warm fuzzy” memory for me. I was told that drinking coffee while I was young would “stunt my growth” but as I was not allowed to drink it, could someone explain to my why I stopped growing at 5’4”???
When I was old enough finally able to decide whether or not I liked coffee, I actually enjoyed it. I would mix hot chocolate with coffee and make a mocha. I didn’t realize that’s what it was called, but that’s essentially what it was. I can remember my first flavored cup of coffee I had with family & friends. Kathy Almacen made Chocolate Raspberry coffee while we watched Anne of Green Gables. Talk about perfection!!! I was in love. I was wooed by the smell of fresh brewed coffee laced with seemingly chocolate covered raspberries. And the taste – I thought for sure, this was something that would be served at a Heavenly Feast one day…
Through the years, I became quite an adventurer in the coffee world. I became especially fond of freshly ground coffee – and when my brother, Dan, bought me a manual coffee grinder – it was all over for me. I had read all of the “Little House on the Prairie” books when I was young and remembered that Laura had to resort to using their coffee grinder to grind wheat to make bread for her family. Somehow – holding a hand-cranked coffee grinder in my hands was also associated with a “warm fuzzy” from my love of reading during childhood.
As I would grind the beans, the aroma would explode out from the cup and the smell alone would lift my spirits. (Those Folgers commercials were never far off, were they?) And then I began visiting coffee shops. Oh the sheer, exquisite pleasure of walking into a shop and smelling fresh-brewed coffee. Ahhhh… The choices – the blends – the flavors – it was all a delight and I enjoyed nearly every sip and every cup.
When Barnes & Noble and Starbucks joined together – seriously. Let’s take a moment to consider this, shall we? Books: My childhood obsession. Coffee: My adult obsession. Can anyone say “Addict” here??? I was hooked. Forever. I walk into a Barnes & Noble and between the smell of the new (and old) books on the shelves, the coffee & pastries, and the sound of an espresso machine happily frothing hot milk – can you even IMAGINE how much more wonderful Heaven will be? (happy sigh.)
If anyone has been paying attention, they will notice that I considered the word “Addict” in relation to my love for coffee. You should note that my husband is specializing in Addiction therapy & recovery. Coincidence? I think so. For me, Coffee is a hobby. It’s something I enjoy. It relaxes me and reduces stress. Sure, I feel amazing when I drink it. Energized, even happier. But I can stop drinking it any time I want.
Really. I can.
I just don’t want to…
I started my musings about Fall whilst drinking my favorite cup of coffee on my way to work – a Starbucks Venti Caramel White Chocolate Mocha. Aaaah – the beauty of coffee. I have been in love with coffee since I was a little girl. Not that I was allowed to drink it – I wasn’t. My early associates with coffee had to do with my Grandpa & Grandma King. They were always drinking coffee. When I would hug them, I could smell it on their breath, mingled with either their cologne or perfume, and it became a “warm fuzzy” memory for me. I was told that drinking coffee while I was young would “stunt my growth” but as I was not allowed to drink it, could someone explain to my why I stopped growing at 5’4”???
When I was old enough finally able to decide whether or not I liked coffee, I actually enjoyed it. I would mix hot chocolate with coffee and make a mocha. I didn’t realize that’s what it was called, but that’s essentially what it was. I can remember my first flavored cup of coffee I had with family & friends. Kathy Almacen made Chocolate Raspberry coffee while we watched Anne of Green Gables. Talk about perfection!!! I was in love. I was wooed by the smell of fresh brewed coffee laced with seemingly chocolate covered raspberries. And the taste – I thought for sure, this was something that would be served at a Heavenly Feast one day…
Through the years, I became quite an adventurer in the coffee world. I became especially fond of freshly ground coffee – and when my brother, Dan, bought me a manual coffee grinder – it was all over for me. I had read all of the “Little House on the Prairie” books when I was young and remembered that Laura had to resort to using their coffee grinder to grind wheat to make bread for her family. Somehow – holding a hand-cranked coffee grinder in my hands was also associated with a “warm fuzzy” from my love of reading during childhood.
As I would grind the beans, the aroma would explode out from the cup and the smell alone would lift my spirits. (Those Folgers commercials were never far off, were they?) And then I began visiting coffee shops. Oh the sheer, exquisite pleasure of walking into a shop and smelling fresh-brewed coffee. Ahhhh… The choices – the blends – the flavors – it was all a delight and I enjoyed nearly every sip and every cup.
When Barnes & Noble and Starbucks joined together – seriously. Let’s take a moment to consider this, shall we? Books: My childhood obsession. Coffee: My adult obsession. Can anyone say “Addict” here??? I was hooked. Forever. I walk into a Barnes & Noble and between the smell of the new (and old) books on the shelves, the coffee & pastries, and the sound of an espresso machine happily frothing hot milk – can you even IMAGINE how much more wonderful Heaven will be? (happy sigh.)
If anyone has been paying attention, they will notice that I considered the word “Addict” in relation to my love for coffee. You should note that my husband is specializing in Addiction therapy & recovery. Coincidence? I think so. For me, Coffee is a hobby. It’s something I enjoy. It relaxes me and reduces stress. Sure, I feel amazing when I drink it. Energized, even happier. But I can stop drinking it any time I want.
Really. I can.
I just don’t want to…
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Sunday Stuff
Well, Little Miss Claira is pretty well back to her old self. As "old" as she is. She had a rough couple of times this week - but is recuperating rather well.
She's started responding with head nods and "yeah" or shaking head and "no" to questions we ask. THAT is a lot of fun. Sometimes we laugh at the absurdity of her response - but sometimes we laugh because we also KNOW we're in big trouble if she can already express her mind and desire so very clearly. She has decided that she doesn't like taking naps anymore (at least not for Mommy) and she fights off sleep. This is a new, rather distressing, thing for mommy. See my previous note on "sleep deprivation..."
Greg is in the final leg of taking his Masters Degree program in Pastoral Clinical Counseling. He has 1 required course remaining and plans to take 1 other class along the way. It will be over in December - WOOHOO!!! He has worked really hard and has pretty well stayed on track with his timeline. I'm really proud of him. Some of these courses have been incredibly intense, and even though we've had to work to arrange and rearrange our schedules, he's maintained a really good GPA and will be able to graduate in December. Whew!!! He begins a counseling internship north of Columbus at a center that specializes in Addiction Recovery. He is very excited, somewhat nervous, and looking forward to actually putting into practice everything he's learned.
Meanwhile, because I don't have enough going on in my life, I'm starting to investigate the distance learning courses offered at Liberty University. One of the benefits of my job is being able, with my supervisor's permission, to take one free course at the university each semester. I am hoping to enroll at Ashland University in Spring 2007 and go from there. I don't want to overextend myself, but I do want that intellectual challenge. The English Comp class I took a few years ago in Springfield really pushed me and I feel like I'm actually at a place where I'm ready for college. How funny is that? 36 years old, married, a mother to a 1 year old - and NOW I think I'm ready for college...
I have a variety of options to consider and haven't formally applied, but Greg is completely supportive and encouraging me to move forward with this. I love that... I appreciate that... I've already spoken with an enrollment specialist at LU and am reviewing the programs to figure out how it all works...
I am... that is, We are, praying about it, that is certain. But I also feel a fresh calling to work with women in a ministry of recovery & restoration. What that means exactly, is not clear, but then - I just have to pray and trust and MOVE when He says, "Go," don't I???
She's started responding with head nods and "yeah" or shaking head and "no" to questions we ask. THAT is a lot of fun. Sometimes we laugh at the absurdity of her response - but sometimes we laugh because we also KNOW we're in big trouble if she can already express her mind and desire so very clearly. She has decided that she doesn't like taking naps anymore (at least not for Mommy) and she fights off sleep. This is a new, rather distressing, thing for mommy. See my previous note on "sleep deprivation..."
Greg is in the final leg of taking his Masters Degree program in Pastoral Clinical Counseling. He has 1 required course remaining and plans to take 1 other class along the way. It will be over in December - WOOHOO!!! He has worked really hard and has pretty well stayed on track with his timeline. I'm really proud of him. Some of these courses have been incredibly intense, and even though we've had to work to arrange and rearrange our schedules, he's maintained a really good GPA and will be able to graduate in December. Whew!!! He begins a counseling internship north of Columbus at a center that specializes in Addiction Recovery. He is very excited, somewhat nervous, and looking forward to actually putting into practice everything he's learned.
Meanwhile, because I don't have enough going on in my life, I'm starting to investigate the distance learning courses offered at Liberty University. One of the benefits of my job is being able, with my supervisor's permission, to take one free course at the university each semester. I am hoping to enroll at Ashland University in Spring 2007 and go from there. I don't want to overextend myself, but I do want that intellectual challenge. The English Comp class I took a few years ago in Springfield really pushed me and I feel like I'm actually at a place where I'm ready for college. How funny is that? 36 years old, married, a mother to a 1 year old - and NOW I think I'm ready for college...
I have a variety of options to consider and haven't formally applied, but Greg is completely supportive and encouraging me to move forward with this. I love that... I appreciate that... I've already spoken with an enrollment specialist at LU and am reviewing the programs to figure out how it all works...
I am... that is, We are, praying about it, that is certain. But I also feel a fresh calling to work with women in a ministry of recovery & restoration. What that means exactly, is not clear, but then - I just have to pray and trust and MOVE when He says, "Go," don't I???
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
The Mouths of Babes
Biting. It has begun.
It started this past weekend with Claira having to take antibiotics that she did not like to taste and the attempt to bite my arm as I held her tight to give it to her. She never put much pressure on my skin as she placed her teeth there, but the thought was certainly there.
Greg called me on his way home from work today. Said he talked to his mom and that Claira had bit her cousin Emma. Hard. Enough to take some skin. Greg responded by saying, "Well, I'm just going to have to whoop Claira, then" and he and his mom continued to talk.
A couple of minutes later, Emma decided that Claira should not get a whoopin' because she thinks Claira was just getting back at her because she had been "biting on (nibbling & tickling) Claira's toes a couple of weeks ago"... Literally, out of the mouths of babes...
It started this past weekend with Claira having to take antibiotics that she did not like to taste and the attempt to bite my arm as I held her tight to give it to her. She never put much pressure on my skin as she placed her teeth there, but the thought was certainly there.
Greg called me on his way home from work today. Said he talked to his mom and that Claira had bit her cousin Emma. Hard. Enough to take some skin. Greg responded by saying, "Well, I'm just going to have to whoop Claira, then" and he and his mom continued to talk.
A couple of minutes later, Emma decided that Claira should not get a whoopin' because she thinks Claira was just getting back at her because she had been "biting on (nibbling & tickling) Claira's toes a couple of weeks ago"... Literally, out of the mouths of babes...
Sleep Deprivation
Sleep Deprivation is a terrible thing. I used to be a fairly sound sleeper, but anymore, I've always got at least one ear "on call" during the night for Claira and tend not to sleep as well as I used to. I tend to also worry and fret and my mind spins with problems of the day - something I am struggling to let go of. (Okay, no comments here about how aging affects sleeplessness, please!!!)
I'm finding that, for me, sleep deprivation can become a serious problem. When I become fatigued from the lack of rest, REAL rest, I become this crazy person who can't think straight, cannot focus, my imaginations tend to run on the wild side, and my attitude? Well, let's just say that my attitude quickly moves onto a sliding scale that has been greased with WD-40! Insomnia becomes a vicious cycle being spurned on by tension, stress, and anxiety which are only enhanced by fatigue...
I've subjected myself to reducing the amount of caffeine I drink daily. It doesn't mean I have elminated Starbucks (I'm not THAT crazy), but on most days I try to stop drinking anything caffeinated past 3:00 pm in order for my body to process it out so I can actually rest when I climb into bed. Now, last night, I made the mistake of drinking a diet Pepsi Jazz (strawberries & cream- MMMM!) with dinner and at 11:00 I was still tossing and turning in bed, unable to quiet my thoughts and settle my body to rest. So I got up, heated up a mug of milk and honey and was soon drifting off into dreamland. For the first night in a LONG time, I actually slept ALL NIGHT LONG. I didn't wake up once. Greg, who sleeps very soundly, even if I have to climb over him to get to Claira, asked me this morning if Maddie had cried during the night. I said I had no idea because I slept all night. What a BLESSING that was.
I was telling our student worker, Amy, and her boyfriend, Andrew, about my drinking milk and honey and Andrew commented on the "milk and honey" part. It got me to thinking about the "Land flowing with Milk and Honey" that the Lord promised to the children of Israel, and we kinda laughed about how ironic that was. Maybe there is more to the idea of milk and honey than I've ever given it thought. When I was little, I always had this picture in my head of this shiny, syrupy, milky river flowing through the land that God had promised - that's how I pictured it. But last night, I feel like I got a glimpse of the meaning behind the "milk & honey" that God was promising: REST.
Milk contains calcium and tryptophan, both of which encourage sleep. Honey is a complex carbohydrate which is calming and also encourages that feeling of sleepiness (think Thanksgiving Day dinner!) While the land that the Israelites crossed over into was NOT sticky with a milky river, it WAS intended to be a place of rest. And isn't it just like God to make reference to something so practical and readily available to draw a picture for us of what He wants to give to us...
I'm finding that, for me, sleep deprivation can become a serious problem. When I become fatigued from the lack of rest, REAL rest, I become this crazy person who can't think straight, cannot focus, my imaginations tend to run on the wild side, and my attitude? Well, let's just say that my attitude quickly moves onto a sliding scale that has been greased with WD-40! Insomnia becomes a vicious cycle being spurned on by tension, stress, and anxiety which are only enhanced by fatigue...
I've subjected myself to reducing the amount of caffeine I drink daily. It doesn't mean I have elminated Starbucks (I'm not THAT crazy), but on most days I try to stop drinking anything caffeinated past 3:00 pm in order for my body to process it out so I can actually rest when I climb into bed. Now, last night, I made the mistake of drinking a diet Pepsi Jazz (strawberries & cream- MMMM!) with dinner and at 11:00 I was still tossing and turning in bed, unable to quiet my thoughts and settle my body to rest. So I got up, heated up a mug of milk and honey and was soon drifting off into dreamland. For the first night in a LONG time, I actually slept ALL NIGHT LONG. I didn't wake up once. Greg, who sleeps very soundly, even if I have to climb over him to get to Claira, asked me this morning if Maddie had cried during the night. I said I had no idea because I slept all night. What a BLESSING that was.
I was telling our student worker, Amy, and her boyfriend, Andrew, about my drinking milk and honey and Andrew commented on the "milk and honey" part. It got me to thinking about the "Land flowing with Milk and Honey" that the Lord promised to the children of Israel, and we kinda laughed about how ironic that was. Maybe there is more to the idea of milk and honey than I've ever given it thought. When I was little, I always had this picture in my head of this shiny, syrupy, milky river flowing through the land that God had promised - that's how I pictured it. But last night, I feel like I got a glimpse of the meaning behind the "milk & honey" that God was promising: REST.
Milk contains calcium and tryptophan, both of which encourage sleep. Honey is a complex carbohydrate which is calming and also encourages that feeling of sleepiness (think Thanksgiving Day dinner!) While the land that the Israelites crossed over into was NOT sticky with a milky river, it WAS intended to be a place of rest. And isn't it just like God to make reference to something so practical and readily available to draw a picture for us of what He wants to give to us...
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
My Baby!
I wasn't sure I wanted to post this because I know moms have had sick kids at one time or another throughout the span of time, but this is about MY baby girl...
As I was driving home from the WOF conference (previous post), Greg called and said Claira was running a fever. =( I got home Saturday evening - she felt pretty warm but didn't wake up enough for us to take her temp or try to get Tylenol into her again, so she went down to bed. Sunday morning, when she got up, she was pretty warm and I knew we were in for it.
Now this is Claira's first real illness and it required a visit to the E.R. She had a fever (101.4), wasn't wanting to eat or drink, was clingy & restless, and even her little voice sounded hoarse. Kyle & Emma had been to the dr on Thursday - Kyle had strep, Emma had a cold. I completely understand the realities of trying to keep kids apart who are sick but who LOVE each other to death. Claira wants to be all over them whenever she sees them and Mama Taylor had her hands full!!!
So the dr checked her out - of course, her temp at the ER was normal - but he saw her throat and said it was red and looked infected, SO she's on antibiotics for 10 days, and tylenol/motrin and popsicles as needed.
I'll tell ya, when her temp popped up to 101.9, and I put her in a warm bath to help cool her off. She loves her bath time, and she was almost instantly whining and crying and her little body was shaking and THAT was that moment when, as a mom, I wanted to trade places with her and have her be well and me be sick. The water was warm - I kept feeling it thinking I had made it more "luke" than "warm" but it was the fever. So we wrapped her up in towels and Greg cuddled her close while I fed her a popsicle and she just kept trying to jabber and was still shaking and her voice quivered - I just wanted to BAWL!!!
Note: This was in the same week that she (finally) fell off the bed and bumped her head. I knew the day was coming, and as far as I'm concerned, it does not have to happen again. Now, Claira is a fairly cautious baby when it comes to the edge of things. She has learned to back herself down off a couch and down the stairs and moves slowly and takes her time. I was in the bathroom - I heard Greg holler - followed by a loud "crack" I'd been dreading since she was born - and instantly a high-pitched SCREAM! She & daddy were playing and apparently she turned the wrong direction and backwards off the bed she went. I walked in to see Greg about as pale as I've ever seen him holding her and Claira was just screaming. All of a sudden it was all I could do to keep from wrenching her out of his hands. It wasn't Greg's fault - I did not blame him at all - it was just an accident that happened. But it was the first time I felt what I would describe as an "animal" instinct that nearly took over my body and I just wanted her in my arms so I could see if she was okay. Thankfully, he just let me take her when I reached for her and I was able to calm her just a tad.
I checked to see if she'd bitten her tongue or lip - no blood - just a bump on the back of the head. After about 10 minutes she seemed to be crying cuz she was just MAD more than hurt, and she'd let up for a few seconds and then start all over. I checked her eyes and they were fine - pupils matched and were reactive to light. We just sorta held each other tight and she fell asleep after crying for about 20 minutes. We woke her up - she woke right up and wanted to eat with us and get down and play. Greg's parents came over to check her out (this was OUR first major injury experience with her - although she'd slipped between the bed & the wall once, and had rolled off the couch onto the carpet once when she was much smaller) and they seemed to think she was okay, too. She didn't even have a bruise to show for it.
Whew!!! These are the times that will probably remain imbedded in my brain forever that I don't want to remember. They are balanced by the times she first said, "Mama", "Daddy", etc., takes her first steps alone or tries to say "I Love You" the first time (which she also attempted this weekend...)
As I was driving home from the WOF conference (previous post), Greg called and said Claira was running a fever. =( I got home Saturday evening - she felt pretty warm but didn't wake up enough for us to take her temp or try to get Tylenol into her again, so she went down to bed. Sunday morning, when she got up, she was pretty warm and I knew we were in for it.
Now this is Claira's first real illness and it required a visit to the E.R. She had a fever (101.4), wasn't wanting to eat or drink, was clingy & restless, and even her little voice sounded hoarse. Kyle & Emma had been to the dr on Thursday - Kyle had strep, Emma had a cold. I completely understand the realities of trying to keep kids apart who are sick but who LOVE each other to death. Claira wants to be all over them whenever she sees them and Mama Taylor had her hands full!!!
So the dr checked her out - of course, her temp at the ER was normal - but he saw her throat and said it was red and looked infected, SO she's on antibiotics for 10 days, and tylenol/motrin and popsicles as needed.
I'll tell ya, when her temp popped up to 101.9, and I put her in a warm bath to help cool her off. She loves her bath time, and she was almost instantly whining and crying and her little body was shaking and THAT was that moment when, as a mom, I wanted to trade places with her and have her be well and me be sick. The water was warm - I kept feeling it thinking I had made it more "luke" than "warm" but it was the fever. So we wrapped her up in towels and Greg cuddled her close while I fed her a popsicle and she just kept trying to jabber and was still shaking and her voice quivered - I just wanted to BAWL!!!
Note: This was in the same week that she (finally) fell off the bed and bumped her head. I knew the day was coming, and as far as I'm concerned, it does not have to happen again. Now, Claira is a fairly cautious baby when it comes to the edge of things. She has learned to back herself down off a couch and down the stairs and moves slowly and takes her time. I was in the bathroom - I heard Greg holler - followed by a loud "crack" I'd been dreading since she was born - and instantly a high-pitched SCREAM! She & daddy were playing and apparently she turned the wrong direction and backwards off the bed she went. I walked in to see Greg about as pale as I've ever seen him holding her and Claira was just screaming. All of a sudden it was all I could do to keep from wrenching her out of his hands. It wasn't Greg's fault - I did not blame him at all - it was just an accident that happened. But it was the first time I felt what I would describe as an "animal" instinct that nearly took over my body and I just wanted her in my arms so I could see if she was okay. Thankfully, he just let me take her when I reached for her and I was able to calm her just a tad.
I checked to see if she'd bitten her tongue or lip - no blood - just a bump on the back of the head. After about 10 minutes she seemed to be crying cuz she was just MAD more than hurt, and she'd let up for a few seconds and then start all over. I checked her eyes and they were fine - pupils matched and were reactive to light. We just sorta held each other tight and she fell asleep after crying for about 20 minutes. We woke her up - she woke right up and wanted to eat with us and get down and play. Greg's parents came over to check her out (this was OUR first major injury experience with her - although she'd slipped between the bed & the wall once, and had rolled off the couch onto the carpet once when she was much smaller) and they seemed to think she was okay, too. She didn't even have a bruise to show for it.
Whew!!! These are the times that will probably remain imbedded in my brain forever that I don't want to remember. They are balanced by the times she first said, "Mama", "Daddy", etc., takes her first steps alone or tries to say "I Love You" the first time (which she also attempted this weekend...)
Women of Faith Conference
I should preface this blog with this note: This was my first time away from Claira since she was born, except for 1 night when she stayed at my parent's while Greg & I celebrated our anniversary. I should probably add that the hotel Greg & I stayed at was 15 minutes away from my folks' house.
My mom & I attended the WOF conference in Ft Wayne this past weekend. We were able to attend the Pre-conference, All Cracked-Up, on Friday. The speakers were Sandi Patty and Patsy Claremont. See the link on the right for more info - I'm SO totally looking to go again in 2007!!!
I have to establish here and now that Sandi Patty will forever be my all time favorite musical artist EVER. My mom & I attended several of her concerts while I was growing up - I have owned various albums and recordings of hers, and mom told me she'd read her autobiography recently - so I was very excited to know Sandi would be a featured speaker over the weekend. I call her Sandi like she's one of my girlfriends... I was hoping she would sing a song or two while speaking, and she ended up giving us a mini-concert. I was BESIDE MYSELF! She rocks like nobody else anywhere! After hearing her testimony and life story - especially being a fan of hers for as long as I have been - I was reminded once again of just how much God loves each and every one of us just as we are.
Patsy Claremont was a very pleasant surprise. I had pictured her in a very different way and on stage bounced this spritely, spunky little elf of a gal who could be both hysterically funny and incredibly poignant all at once. She had us rolling with laughter until our sides hurt. She told the story of Gideon (Judges 6-7) and how God used "cracked pots" to bring a victory when Gideon and 300 men faced a seemingly invincible enemy army. All good reminders that no matter who we are, what we have or have not done - if God calls us we can count on Him to equip us. Doesn't mean it will be easy or without trouble - but if 300 men armed with trumpets, torches and clay pots can assist in decimating an enemy...
This fits in perfectly with the whole - "Am I a good wife/mom?" question I ask of myself all the time. Feeling guilty for working outside the home (and enjoying it) - getting weary & frustrated with endless piles of laundry, dishes, diapers, bottles - not staying caught up with journaling the memories of Claira's life, let alone Greg's & mine - not staying in touch with dear friends - did I mention piles of laundry, dishes, etc.? - losing my temper when I am asked to do just one more thing for one more person, even when it is my husband Greg asking for something simple... I am reminded that it's not about being perfect (I should have to write this 100 times on a blackboard every day, I think) - and that the weariness of soul and body I feel can actually be met by abiding in Christ. So how does one go about doing that? I think I am just beginning to learn.
I've just started reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" and I'm not even through Chapter 1 yet, and already the idealistic, perfectionistic picture of myself and my world that I've taken is being directly attacked by the story of Mary & Martha. I am definitely a Martha - scurrying to DO and not to just BE. Bless my family's hearts - I stress myself out with ideas and notions that have nothing to do with BEING a good wife & mom. Hopefully, I learn (not just from the daily grind of things) to let go and relax and just BE. It sounds perfectly lovely.
I saw a plaque at my Aunt Vicky's house that has one of my all-time favorite Bible verses on it and I think I AM going to remind myself of this every day with a well-placed note in my bathroom. I memorized this verse as a little girl and need the reminder:
My mom & I attended the WOF conference in Ft Wayne this past weekend. We were able to attend the Pre-conference, All Cracked-Up, on Friday. The speakers were Sandi Patty and Patsy Claremont. See the link on the right for more info - I'm SO totally looking to go again in 2007!!!
I have to establish here and now that Sandi Patty will forever be my all time favorite musical artist EVER. My mom & I attended several of her concerts while I was growing up - I have owned various albums and recordings of hers, and mom told me she'd read her autobiography recently - so I was very excited to know Sandi would be a featured speaker over the weekend. I call her Sandi like she's one of my girlfriends... I was hoping she would sing a song or two while speaking, and she ended up giving us a mini-concert. I was BESIDE MYSELF! She rocks like nobody else anywhere! After hearing her testimony and life story - especially being a fan of hers for as long as I have been - I was reminded once again of just how much God loves each and every one of us just as we are.
Patsy Claremont was a very pleasant surprise. I had pictured her in a very different way and on stage bounced this spritely, spunky little elf of a gal who could be both hysterically funny and incredibly poignant all at once. She had us rolling with laughter until our sides hurt. She told the story of Gideon (Judges 6-7) and how God used "cracked pots" to bring a victory when Gideon and 300 men faced a seemingly invincible enemy army. All good reminders that no matter who we are, what we have or have not done - if God calls us we can count on Him to equip us. Doesn't mean it will be easy or without trouble - but if 300 men armed with trumpets, torches and clay pots can assist in decimating an enemy...
This fits in perfectly with the whole - "Am I a good wife/mom?" question I ask of myself all the time. Feeling guilty for working outside the home (and enjoying it) - getting weary & frustrated with endless piles of laundry, dishes, diapers, bottles - not staying caught up with journaling the memories of Claira's life, let alone Greg's & mine - not staying in touch with dear friends - did I mention piles of laundry, dishes, etc.? - losing my temper when I am asked to do just one more thing for one more person, even when it is my husband Greg asking for something simple... I am reminded that it's not about being perfect (I should have to write this 100 times on a blackboard every day, I think) - and that the weariness of soul and body I feel can actually be met by abiding in Christ. So how does one go about doing that? I think I am just beginning to learn.
I've just started reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" and I'm not even through Chapter 1 yet, and already the idealistic, perfectionistic picture of myself and my world that I've taken is being directly attacked by the story of Mary & Martha. I am definitely a Martha - scurrying to DO and not to just BE. Bless my family's hearts - I stress myself out with ideas and notions that have nothing to do with BEING a good wife & mom. Hopefully, I learn (not just from the daily grind of things) to let go and relax and just BE. It sounds perfectly lovely.
I saw a plaque at my Aunt Vicky's house that has one of my all-time favorite Bible verses on it and I think I AM going to remind myself of this every day with a well-placed note in my bathroom. I memorized this verse as a little girl and need the reminder:
Psalm 46:10a - Be Still and know that I am God.
That's it. That's what he says to do. Just two things. Be still (not easy for someone whose name means "honeybee" and lives according to the "Flight of the Bumblebee" soundtrack). Know that HE is God. Not just God - but the "I Am" God.
More to come...
Friday, August 11, 2006
Happy Birthday, Daddy
Today is my dad's birthday. I'm not sure how old he is this year (58?), but it's fun having a daughter to celebrate a birthday with and a father to celebrate a birthday with all in the same week. I won't get to see him for a few weeks, but still want him to know how much I love him. I inherited my sharp wit from my dad. My strong chin also comes from his side of the family, along with my fair skin and the red highlights in my hair which have now faded into the gray... ugh. Claira inherited the shape of his eyes - and very often Greg or I will comment on the "Papa Baker" look she has just delivered to one of us.
He's a good man. I love him and I am proud of him. Happy Birthday, Daddy!
I'm Baaa-aaack
Hello All - I am back. Finally.
Summer was INCREDIBLY busy at work and as things have started easing up, I've been putting my mind more and more to my blog. I've barely had time to think about it until this week, and as things have been wrapped up at work, I've been considering what I should post.
For today - it will mostly be pictures from her birthday party on Sunday, 8/6.
Claira really enjoyed her birthday and having a fun time with (most of) her cousins. We think she looks beautiful in pink, whether it's a swimsuit or frosting. =)
The picture below is from Wednesday morning just before I dropped her off at Greg's mom's house for the day. She's wearing an outfit she got on her birthday from Uncle Kevin, Aunt Janice, Emma & Kyle. She is growing too quickly. She loves to stand alone, tries to take steps, jabbers endlessly, shows her temper occasionally, and loves to give hugs & kisses. We are so very blessed...
Summer was INCREDIBLY busy at work and as things have started easing up, I've been putting my mind more and more to my blog. I've barely had time to think about it until this week, and as things have been wrapped up at work, I've been considering what I should post.
For today - it will mostly be pictures from her birthday party on Sunday, 8/6.
Claira really enjoyed her birthday and having a fun time with (most of) her cousins. We think she looks beautiful in pink, whether it's a swimsuit or frosting. =)
The picture below is from Wednesday morning just before I dropped her off at Greg's mom's house for the day. She's wearing an outfit she got on her birthday from Uncle Kevin, Aunt Janice, Emma & Kyle. She is growing too quickly. She loves to stand alone, tries to take steps, jabbers endlessly, shows her temper occasionally, and loves to give hugs & kisses. We are so very blessed...
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