It's a Girl!!!

Claira is having a baby sister! We (finally) saw her for sure yesterday. She was moving and wiggling and kept her feet tucked under her. When she finally stretched out her legs, she hid behind her hand... But we got a clear shot and know for sure. The tech was laughing at her because she was being "modest" and wouldn't let us peek.

Everything looks great. Placenta is in a great position, baby is right at the size she should be. We even got some 3D pictures, and when I can figure out how to scan them and load them here, you'll see them!

We're talking through names and will post that as soon as we know...

Sometimes, I Just Don't Wanna...

Sometimes, I just don't wanna be "the wife/mom". It is NOT that I don't want to be married to my husband or to be mother to my daughter. It's NOT that I don't want to have to my family - it's all the other "stuff" that makes it HARD to be a wife & mom.

It's the working all day 5 days a week and trying to take classes online (which I freely admit I willingly chose to do) and then coming home and trying to think about dinner and potty training and laundry and dishes.

It's easy for me to want to do dishes rather than focus on potty training because getting dishes done is a completed task in a limited amount of time, where potty training requires much more thought and attention and will be continual for some time.

It's the 2 full baskets of clean laundry that must be folded & put away so we have work clothes or play clothes, knowing that as I'm doing so, there are 3 other loads that should be washed, dried, folded & put away.

It's desperately needing the internet connection at home to get my homework done that is giving us nothing but problems (and NO connectivity despite numerous phone calls to customer service representatives who speak with a very strong accent and can be difficult to understand) and having to run to my in-laws (who don't mind) to take a quiz at 9:00 pm before the quiz deadline. It's needing to read 15 chapters a week and listen to 9+ online lectures in order to prepare for the quiz or test I have to take in 3 days. I REALLY want to be in classes and finish my degree and feel like it's something I'm doing just for me, and yet it just seems to be something else that pulls me further away from my family.

Greg tries to help. He puts dishes away - he has been making coffee in the mornings while we get ready for work - he tries to entertain Claira while I read my chapters (and while she whines for "Mama" regardless of what antics he tries) - he runs laundry through the washer & dryer to GET them into the "clean" baskets - or straightens up the living room or kitchen so I don't have to. But that list of things that must be done just never hits the end...

I think I could even sacrifice Starbucks to pay for a maid service (if I actually spent that much on Starbucks...) I can't tolerate that chaotic clutter like I used to and I'm turning into Monica Geller about the house, only I feel completely helpless about it.

That whole "Proverbs 31 Woman" thing is just something I can't possibly imagine ever attaining, and trying to think about doing so just frustrates me to the point of giving up...

So maybe it's not the whole "I don't wanna be a wife/mom" so much as it is "I don't wanna be the Proverbs 31 Woman"... MAYBE, that's what it boils down to for me...

Long Time, No Write...

So it has been 3 months since I've blogged - been a little busy...

We're now 18 weeks along in our pregnancy. Baby is really starting to move around and make his presence known. No, we don't know for SURE that it's a boy, but our ultrasound is scheduled for March 23, and hopefully he will feel like showing off...

Claira is growing like a weed. She is saying phrases and sentences and is wayyyyyy too smart. We have fun with her, and she is learning how to whine for things, and we are learning how to teach her to ask for things. =) We are trying to prepare her for a sibling as much as we can, and it's going to be fun. She likes to pat or hug or kiss my tummy (or even hit occasionally), and says "Baby" or "My Baby." She tries putting her milk cup to my belly button because we tell her that the baby will drink milk. She'll tilt her head, kinda squint her eyes, and say, "Awwwwww" when we talk about babies or see pictures of babies. She's certainly going to enjoy being a big sister...

Greg has started a new job today - counseling with alcohol & substance abuse. He worked at a place for about 4 weeks as a crisis counselor, but it wasn't to his liking or taste. It also required some on-call time and overnight stays, which after he started and understood how much he'd be gone and how far away he'd be, realized it wasn't something he wanted to do. His new job is a ways away, too, but it's more to his liking, and there is a possibility of it becoming a full-time gig.

I've had some minor ups & downs with the pregnancy - urinary tract infection, which can cause pain, bleeding, even preterm labor - and although it has not been serious, we're just trying to take things a little slower. It's hard to do when we both work, have Claira, and I'm taking online classes, but we're figuring it out. I'm having serious insomnia which is just wearing me out - but the dr gave me a prescription, and I got one night's rest this week, which was totally amazing. I will only use them occasionally, and look forward to knowing those nights of rest are available to me now!

School is great. Other than my math class. Although this last Math section was actually decent and gave me some hope - I took an American History course and got a B. I am now continuing with the Math class, and have added a Humanities course and a Bible course. I'm enjoying them a lot. It's a challenge - finding the time to do it all - but we just got internet at home, and it's going to make things a bit easier to manage. =)

For the most part, we're all doing well, and are just trying to take things one day at a time. Will try to post more often and stay updated...