So, we experienced a new family adventure today: Family Pictures. Considering that we all slept until 7:00 am this morning - which has to be some kind of record - and my sleep was unbroken by Princess KT's need for bottles - I woke up feeling very optimistic.
Alas, reality set in far too soon and dashed my hopes of the idyllic family time spent together laughing and casually posing for pictures which would capture the beauty & life of our family. NOT that they turned out badly - they didn't. In fact, they turned out fairly well and as soon as I can, I'll be posting some here. But we are all still feeling the aftershocks of a 12.0 earthquake on our emotional Richter scale...
So I was a little ambitious with 2 changes of clothing... So my face decided to break out this week and the horrible PMS I suffered last week was only the tip of the iceburg compared to the horror of the no-longer-PRE-MS of this week... So I bawled my eyes out in the shower while we were getting ready because I was so tired and Claira had already been combative in the few hours we'd had together in the morning... So Claira & Kaity BOTH pooped 5 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door... So I had a 2 month old that decided to eat an hour early - JUST as we were getting ready to take the girls' Christmas pictures... So my husband was having a nervous breakdown trying to keep Claira from destroying the photography studio in the span it would take Kaity to drink her bottle... So Claira finally fell asleep after spending 2 hours in the photography studio or running rampant in Sears when I couldn't get to her fast enough or telling me she had to go potty only to flush the toilet when we got there and crying to leave the bathroom...
By the time we were done with pictures, I don't think any of us liked any of the rest of us. There was yelling. There was crying. There was cursing. And there were whimpering begging prayers for sanity and strength. And a shot of whiskey. Okay - I didn't really pray for that, but if I'd been offered today, I don't think I would have turned it down.
We get 2 days a week to be together as a family. Saturday is spent adjusting from the week-long adjustment to work, Sunday is spent racing to make up for what feels like lost time on Saturday, and preparing to go back to work and start the whole schlamiel all over again.
I'm still so freakin' tired I can't see straight and just want to sleep. Really - I think if I could have a weekend of uninterrupted sleep, I'd feel better and have a much better attitude. I could probably even think more clearly and act more sanely and react less sharply.
I think even God is starting to get tired of my whining or is at least trying to stimulate my sense of humor - my devotions today were in I Thessalonians 5:6 - Therefore let us not sleep...
Seriously...
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Back to Work
So it's my first day back and SO FAR SO GOOD. I wore shoes (and not houseslippers like I did to Geyers last week), and so far I've remembered all my logins & passwords and how to transfer phone calls. I've been busy enough to keep my mind here, so I haven't missed the girls too much. Yet.
This morning before I left them at Mama Taylor's, I was talking to Kaity and telling her to be a good girl (like she could be anything else) and I said to her, "Don't tell Mama everything," and she smiled a HUGE gummy grin like she was laughing out loud. It was utterly fantastic and made my day.
Claira, on the other hand, is going to have a real adjustment to our new schedule. It's not that she doesn't want to go to Mama's - she's in heaven, I'm sure. But she's not the kind of kid who likes big changes, and we were finally getting settled at home while I was there. And she REALLY doesn't like it when someone else has to wake her up, and for a few weeks we'll have to do that until she's adjusted. She had a very tearful morning and really wanted to be held while Greg & I were both trying to get ready and out the door on time.
I've already started getting myself up earlier than everyone else. Well, let's say I PLANNED to get up earlier than everyone else so I could have MY time and get things done, but Miss Kaity has decided she's an early bird and is waking me up even before my alarm goes off at 5 am. Ugh - remember my previous posts about sleep deprivation??? I'm right there and I don't think I can sacrifice much more sleep without doing myself (or someone else) some harm at this point... I've been having dizzy spells the past couple of days and have decided it's because I'm sleep deprived.
I really want to get us settled into our new routine and make sure they get used to the way things are going to be, so Greg & I can get settled and relax, too... With his work schedule spanning long hours sometimes, and my online classes, we each have our own priorities to add to the mix, but getting the girls settled in and "normalized" is my main goal. If anybody has any suggestions, I'll gladly welcome them...
This morning before I left them at Mama Taylor's, I was talking to Kaity and telling her to be a good girl (like she could be anything else) and I said to her, "Don't tell Mama everything," and she smiled a HUGE gummy grin like she was laughing out loud. It was utterly fantastic and made my day.
Claira, on the other hand, is going to have a real adjustment to our new schedule. It's not that she doesn't want to go to Mama's - she's in heaven, I'm sure. But she's not the kind of kid who likes big changes, and we were finally getting settled at home while I was there. And she REALLY doesn't like it when someone else has to wake her up, and for a few weeks we'll have to do that until she's adjusted. She had a very tearful morning and really wanted to be held while Greg & I were both trying to get ready and out the door on time.
I've already started getting myself up earlier than everyone else. Well, let's say I PLANNED to get up earlier than everyone else so I could have MY time and get things done, but Miss Kaity has decided she's an early bird and is waking me up even before my alarm goes off at 5 am. Ugh - remember my previous posts about sleep deprivation??? I'm right there and I don't think I can sacrifice much more sleep without doing myself (or someone else) some harm at this point... I've been having dizzy spells the past couple of days and have decided it's because I'm sleep deprived.
I really want to get us settled into our new routine and make sure they get used to the way things are going to be, so Greg & I can get settled and relax, too... With his work schedule spanning long hours sometimes, and my online classes, we each have our own priorities to add to the mix, but getting the girls settled in and "normalized" is my main goal. If anybody has any suggestions, I'll gladly welcome them...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
End of Summer
I honestly can't believe Labor Day weekend is just around the corner. I'll be back into work on 9/5 - but it seems like it's only been one or two weeks I've been home.
Adjusting to Kaity has been a challenge. She has a very different temperament than Claira and I feel like I'm just getting used to her & our schedule, and it's all going to change next week. For the most part, Claira is an overly exuberant and affectionate big sister. She loves to kiss on and hug and "pet" Kaity whenever she can. She'll lay next to her on the couch and just stroke her arm or her hair or "honk" her nose (thank you Jojo's Circus for that one!) Only last week did she start showing stronger signs of jealousy - but mostly in regard to her belongings (a blanket, the crib, etc), and if she is distracted, she seems to get over it fairly quickly.
Kaity, on the other hand, is a more needy baby than Claira. While Claira began marathon nursing at 3 weeks and I felt the need to supplement with formula, Kaity has almost always had formula after nursing and tends to go longer between feedings. BUT she wants to be held - and by held, I mean swaddled and held tightly against my chest - all the time. Now, I've read enough articles that say a newborn can't be held too much. I followed the same advice & behaviors with Claira as I am with Kaity: of holding her as much as I could whenever I could because I knew going back to work and things would change. But Kaity won't settle or be content for long in any other position - not a swing - not the carseat - not propped up on the Boppy pillow. She wants to be snuggled. On most days, and in most cases, I don't mind holding her. But Claira is an active 2 year old and I have to be QUICK in order to keep up with her - so you can imagine my dilemma.
I have tried the baby carrier I've got off & on, and for now (KNOCK ON WOOD) it has started working again. Last week, it was a no go and it was stressful with everything going on around here. On Monday - Tornado warning - and I had to move both girls from their naps into our basement (which is not a finished basement at the moment, but does have a queen size bed set up) and it was just ME here with them (and I HATE tornado warnings with a passion - of all the things that make me anxious, a tornado siren is at the top). I felt incredibly responsible for their well-being and fortunately kept busy making sure I had diapers & formula & water down here with us too, JUST IN CASE, and we got through it. Tuesday, the flooding in our area started. Thankfully, we ourselves were not affected, and only had very minor seepage in the basement, but parts of our town were under water (even submerging vehicles) and the area saw a lot of rain in a very short time so there was NO going outside - or even to Mama Taylor's - and I couldn't afford to drive the girls around to check out the damage, etc. Thursday - the heat wave hit and we were grateful for air conditioning - but again we were house bound and it was not the most pleasant of times for us girls...
Honestly, I do feel much more relaxed with Kaity than I did with Claira - and only when I am fatigued do I feel really irritable and cranky and just want to have 10 minutes for a shower so I can actually shave my legs and take care of my summer-feet, and not just race to get my hair washed & rinsed and quick scrub & rinse & dry to make sure the girls aren't either coloring on the walls or soaking another burp cloth. Don't get me wrong - I am very thrilled to have both of my girls - and I won't trade them for the world - but there are moments that I think I'm just going to break down and cry because I can manage working with a couple hundred adults in a master's program (some of them being very high-maintenance), and still find myself feeling lost in my role as a mother. I understand that at work I have help and I can help others.
The fact is, being a mother MEANS something so much more important in the long run. It matters beyond today what tone I use with Claira when she has discovered ANOTHER pen somewhere and has added her artwork to my dresser. Or whether both of my girls feels loved and cared for and nurtured, and whether they are learning they can count on me and that they WANT to count on me. Or whether I pray effectively as a mother, and show them how to love God. Or their dad or each other. I'm not panicking here - I'm not anxious about this at the moment - it's just the realization that the value of my JOB as a mother has lasting effects whether I get paid or not and whether I feel it or not.
It's that part of me that is so saddened about returning to work. Believe me, when next Wednesday comes, I will have a bunch of mixed feelings about going back to work - some of them including the fact that I love my job and will LOVE being able to work with adults again and not a 2 year old who is still resistant to potty-training (I'm relaxed about it, Terry, but just WISH she'd want to move ahead in this department).
But I will miss watching Claira dance to her morning cartoons and chase the bubbles I blow around in the yard. I will miss hearing her call for me when she wakes up for her nap and hear that bubbly "Hi, mom" when I get her out of her big girl bed. I will miss being able to sit with her and hold her any time I want to during the day. And how I will miss watching Kaity becoming so alert to her surroundings, and following my movements all day - and not catching all of her changes. I will actually miss being able to hold her close all day, because I know someday she will not want to be held. They will both want to go outside to play and ask to go to Mama's and then go ride their bikes outside and go to school and go on dates and oh my word, I don't even want to think about it...
Adjusting to Kaity has been a challenge. She has a very different temperament than Claira and I feel like I'm just getting used to her & our schedule, and it's all going to change next week. For the most part, Claira is an overly exuberant and affectionate big sister. She loves to kiss on and hug and "pet" Kaity whenever she can. She'll lay next to her on the couch and just stroke her arm or her hair or "honk" her nose (thank you Jojo's Circus for that one!) Only last week did she start showing stronger signs of jealousy - but mostly in regard to her belongings (a blanket, the crib, etc), and if she is distracted, she seems to get over it fairly quickly.
Kaity, on the other hand, is a more needy baby than Claira. While Claira began marathon nursing at 3 weeks and I felt the need to supplement with formula, Kaity has almost always had formula after nursing and tends to go longer between feedings. BUT she wants to be held - and by held, I mean swaddled and held tightly against my chest - all the time. Now, I've read enough articles that say a newborn can't be held too much. I followed the same advice & behaviors with Claira as I am with Kaity: of holding her as much as I could whenever I could because I knew going back to work and things would change. But Kaity won't settle or be content for long in any other position - not a swing - not the carseat - not propped up on the Boppy pillow. She wants to be snuggled. On most days, and in most cases, I don't mind holding her. But Claira is an active 2 year old and I have to be QUICK in order to keep up with her - so you can imagine my dilemma.
I have tried the baby carrier I've got off & on, and for now (KNOCK ON WOOD) it has started working again. Last week, it was a no go and it was stressful with everything going on around here. On Monday - Tornado warning - and I had to move both girls from their naps into our basement (which is not a finished basement at the moment, but does have a queen size bed set up) and it was just ME here with them (and I HATE tornado warnings with a passion - of all the things that make me anxious, a tornado siren is at the top). I felt incredibly responsible for their well-being and fortunately kept busy making sure I had diapers & formula & water down here with us too, JUST IN CASE, and we got through it. Tuesday, the flooding in our area started. Thankfully, we ourselves were not affected, and only had very minor seepage in the basement, but parts of our town were under water (even submerging vehicles) and the area saw a lot of rain in a very short time so there was NO going outside - or even to Mama Taylor's - and I couldn't afford to drive the girls around to check out the damage, etc. Thursday - the heat wave hit and we were grateful for air conditioning - but again we were house bound and it was not the most pleasant of times for us girls...
Honestly, I do feel much more relaxed with Kaity than I did with Claira - and only when I am fatigued do I feel really irritable and cranky and just want to have 10 minutes for a shower so I can actually shave my legs and take care of my summer-feet, and not just race to get my hair washed & rinsed and quick scrub & rinse & dry to make sure the girls aren't either coloring on the walls or soaking another burp cloth. Don't get me wrong - I am very thrilled to have both of my girls - and I won't trade them for the world - but there are moments that I think I'm just going to break down and cry because I can manage working with a couple hundred adults in a master's program (some of them being very high-maintenance), and still find myself feeling lost in my role as a mother. I understand that at work I have help and I can help others.
The fact is, being a mother MEANS something so much more important in the long run. It matters beyond today what tone I use with Claira when she has discovered ANOTHER pen somewhere and has added her artwork to my dresser. Or whether both of my girls feels loved and cared for and nurtured, and whether they are learning they can count on me and that they WANT to count on me. Or whether I pray effectively as a mother, and show them how to love God. Or their dad or each other. I'm not panicking here - I'm not anxious about this at the moment - it's just the realization that the value of my JOB as a mother has lasting effects whether I get paid or not and whether I feel it or not.
It's that part of me that is so saddened about returning to work. Believe me, when next Wednesday comes, I will have a bunch of mixed feelings about going back to work - some of them including the fact that I love my job and will LOVE being able to work with adults again and not a 2 year old who is still resistant to potty-training (I'm relaxed about it, Terry, but just WISH she'd want to move ahead in this department).
But I will miss watching Claira dance to her morning cartoons and chase the bubbles I blow around in the yard. I will miss hearing her call for me when she wakes up for her nap and hear that bubbly "Hi, mom" when I get her out of her big girl bed. I will miss being able to sit with her and hold her any time I want to during the day. And how I will miss watching Kaity becoming so alert to her surroundings, and following my movements all day - and not catching all of her changes. I will actually miss being able to hold her close all day, because I know someday she will not want to be held. They will both want to go outside to play and ask to go to Mama's and then go ride their bikes outside and go to school and go on dates and oh my word, I don't even want to think about it...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Plethora of Pictures
Greg's Graduation - June 2; Papa w/Kaity; Nana w/Kaity; Big Sister Claira can't get enough of Kaity; Daddy & his littlest girl; Mommy & her baby doll; The Taylor's - a bit sleep deprived; Claira (today) with her new rug; Kaity (today) bright-eyed & bushy-tailed...
Thursday, July 26, 2007
She's HEEEEeeeerrrrrreeeeee!!!
After several hours of labor (and the relief of a blessed MAGIC of an epidural), Kaitlyn Isabel Taylor, made her entrance into the world on Tuesday, July 17 at 4:37 pm. She was born with a thick head of dark hair, dark blue eyes, long fingers and toes - and a big sister who cannot get enough of her.
In the true spirit and sense of adventure inspired by her mother, Kaity made a pit stop on the way home from the hospital at Panera Bread and Cold Stone Creamery...
Kaity spent a couple of days at a hospital in Mansfield for phototherapy due to Jaundice. She came out still looking like she's been on a Caribbean cruise - while her mother looks (and feels) somewhat less rested...We are all happy to have Kaity here and are adjusting to our new family member. Daddy has gone back to work and is suffering withdrawals from all of his girls, as we are from him...
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Family Restrooms
For the faint of heart, please do not read this - I'm a mom and dealing with pee & poop in any form and at any time is apparently one of my responsibilities... Seriously - I am not sure what lesson God is trying to teach me, but being up to my elbows in pee & poop is NOT fun.
In the past 10 days, I have had to take Claira to a public restroom after she has peed all over the floor / shopping cart / miscellaneous items in the cart, etc., FOUR separate times. Four. The most recent occurrence took the cake and I literally almost went psycho-pregnant- hormonal-crazy-lady on someone...
We are attempting to potty train Claira. She will tell us (on occasion) when she wants to go - she will go several times without needing a diaper or pull up - and then she gets busy playing or watching TV and doesn't mind relying on her diaper. Cant' blame her - she's not quite 2, so we're only pushing lightly - and she's getting the hang of it.
HOWEVER - going into the public realm seems to beg for other disturbing and traumatic events. Keep in mind that I am now 35 weeks pregnant. Also keep in mind that Claira is very tall and built very solidly at her young age so carrying her is really not an option for me at the moment. Twice now at Wal-mart and once at Joann fabrics, I have been on my way to the women's or family restroom in the very back of the store to change Claira's diaper, and we have found it necessary to call for the "Spill Team" to clean up either a trail or a puddle that has collected underneath the cart Claira is sitting in. I have found myself BAWLING in the restroom because the baby wipes &/or extra clothes that I thought were packed in the diaper bag are not to be found, and I get to improvise...
The last and fourth time was Friday evening. Claira & I were at Wal-mart after I'd gotten my hair cut. She had just filled her diaper with an unpleasant substance, and I headed back to the FAMILY restroom. I stopped by the baby department to pick up one of those travel packs of wipes, because AGAIN, the travel pack in the diaper bag was missing.
The family restroom seems to always be located at the VERY back of the store. I arrived to find the restroom occupied by a male, considering the voice who responded when I knocked. Now, I know the reason they have these family restrooms is for such an instance when a parent, male or female, requires a little more room and some kind of privacy to handle theirs or their childrens' bathroom needs. I pushed the cart into the game aisle and we walked around for several minutes waiting for the aforementioned occupant to exit. I returned, knocked on the door again - still locked. In the meantime, 2 other SINGLE individuals attempted to enter said restroom (while I am standing RIGHT THERE) only to find it locked. By the second person, I was pretty well calling my place in line OUT LOUD and staking my claim to the family restroom.
While standing outside the locked door, Claira grabbed at her stomach and started saying "Owie" and proceeded to pee ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Bless her heart. She couldn't stop if she wanted to. So now, there is a pee puddle all over the floor - the cart is wet, and I am really at my wits' end. I knock AGAIN on the door - no response - and start to think that I should call for a manager to check on the bathroom in case someone is unconscious, OR if somehow the door was locked as the last person exited. The "cherry on top" experience came, when a Wal-Mart associate - a single female - attempted to walk into the family restroom - while I was standing at the door waiting. I thought I was going to scream.
My child is soaking wet - she is poopy - the floor is wet - the plastic wipe case I'm going to purchase and haven't even opened yet is wet - and this lady thinks she's going to use the FAMILY restroom while I'm standing right there??? I said to her - "I'm in line for that restroom." She didn't even look at me and just went into the women's restroom.
Just when I was ready to start crying - ONLY because I am 35 weeks pregnant and hormones are wreaking havoc on my body & emotions - the door to the family restroom opens. Out walks a young male - probably 16 years old, who cranes his neack and GLARES AT ME - most likely assuming that I've been the one who kept trying the locked door to get in. I'm telling you right now, if he had opened his mouth to say one smart-mouthed thing to me - I would have gone psycho-pregnant-hormonal-crazy-lady on him right there in the back of walmart with my child sitting in her sopping wet cart and diaper and clothes, and would have welcomed a light jail sentence - in isolation - free of poopy diapers and inconsiderate morons who think the family restroom is to be used by anyone at anytime.
Can I be honest? The length of time the young man spent in there, had me thinking I'd better take a DEEP breath before I walked in because he MUST have been having some issues. But no - no malodorous presence was waiting. So then I started wondering what took him so freakin' long in there and then I figured I probably didn't really want to know...
So I've decided as much as I love being with Claira and shopping with Claira, in order to save my sanity, I may have to avoid - at all costs - trips to Walmart with Claira.
In the past 10 days, I have had to take Claira to a public restroom after she has peed all over the floor / shopping cart / miscellaneous items in the cart, etc., FOUR separate times. Four. The most recent occurrence took the cake and I literally almost went psycho-pregnant- hormonal-crazy-lady on someone...
We are attempting to potty train Claira. She will tell us (on occasion) when she wants to go - she will go several times without needing a diaper or pull up - and then she gets busy playing or watching TV and doesn't mind relying on her diaper. Cant' blame her - she's not quite 2, so we're only pushing lightly - and she's getting the hang of it.
HOWEVER - going into the public realm seems to beg for other disturbing and traumatic events. Keep in mind that I am now 35 weeks pregnant. Also keep in mind that Claira is very tall and built very solidly at her young age so carrying her is really not an option for me at the moment. Twice now at Wal-mart and once at Joann fabrics, I have been on my way to the women's or family restroom in the very back of the store to change Claira's diaper, and we have found it necessary to call for the "Spill Team" to clean up either a trail or a puddle that has collected underneath the cart Claira is sitting in. I have found myself BAWLING in the restroom because the baby wipes &/or extra clothes that I thought were packed in the diaper bag are not to be found, and I get to improvise...
The last and fourth time was Friday evening. Claira & I were at Wal-mart after I'd gotten my hair cut. She had just filled her diaper with an unpleasant substance, and I headed back to the FAMILY restroom. I stopped by the baby department to pick up one of those travel packs of wipes, because AGAIN, the travel pack in the diaper bag was missing.
The family restroom seems to always be located at the VERY back of the store. I arrived to find the restroom occupied by a male, considering the voice who responded when I knocked. Now, I know the reason they have these family restrooms is for such an instance when a parent, male or female, requires a little more room and some kind of privacy to handle theirs or their childrens' bathroom needs. I pushed the cart into the game aisle and we walked around for several minutes waiting for the aforementioned occupant to exit. I returned, knocked on the door again - still locked. In the meantime, 2 other SINGLE individuals attempted to enter said restroom (while I am standing RIGHT THERE) only to find it locked. By the second person, I was pretty well calling my place in line OUT LOUD and staking my claim to the family restroom.
While standing outside the locked door, Claira grabbed at her stomach and started saying "Owie" and proceeded to pee ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Bless her heart. She couldn't stop if she wanted to. So now, there is a pee puddle all over the floor - the cart is wet, and I am really at my wits' end. I knock AGAIN on the door - no response - and start to think that I should call for a manager to check on the bathroom in case someone is unconscious, OR if somehow the door was locked as the last person exited. The "cherry on top" experience came, when a Wal-Mart associate - a single female - attempted to walk into the family restroom - while I was standing at the door waiting. I thought I was going to scream.
My child is soaking wet - she is poopy - the floor is wet - the plastic wipe case I'm going to purchase and haven't even opened yet is wet - and this lady thinks she's going to use the FAMILY restroom while I'm standing right there??? I said to her - "I'm in line for that restroom." She didn't even look at me and just went into the women's restroom.
Just when I was ready to start crying - ONLY because I am 35 weeks pregnant and hormones are wreaking havoc on my body & emotions - the door to the family restroom opens. Out walks a young male - probably 16 years old, who cranes his neack and GLARES AT ME - most likely assuming that I've been the one who kept trying the locked door to get in. I'm telling you right now, if he had opened his mouth to say one smart-mouthed thing to me - I would have gone psycho-pregnant-hormonal-crazy-lady on him right there in the back of walmart with my child sitting in her sopping wet cart and diaper and clothes, and would have welcomed a light jail sentence - in isolation - free of poopy diapers and inconsiderate morons who think the family restroom is to be used by anyone at anytime.
Can I be honest? The length of time the young man spent in there, had me thinking I'd better take a DEEP breath before I walked in because he MUST have been having some issues. But no - no malodorous presence was waiting. So then I started wondering what took him so freakin' long in there and then I figured I probably didn't really want to know...
So I've decided as much as I love being with Claira and shopping with Claira, in order to save my sanity, I may have to avoid - at all costs - trips to Walmart with Claira.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Independence Day
The 4th of July has always been, and will always be, one of my very favorite holidays. I have always loved history, and learning about our Founding Fathers, flaws & all, inspired me to believe that being an American is an honor & privilege.
The signers of the Declaration of Independence, much scrutinized, criticized, and mythologized (new word of the day?), were men of great courage. Whatever their personal background, religious beliefs, occupations, fortunes, or reputations - they all came together in one common belief and decided to stand in the face of tyranny, despite the probable hardship it would cause each of them and likely, their families.
I have to wonder if they had even a SMALL clue of what their stand would mean in the end - TRULY. Knowing that John Hancock signed his name in such a large flourish, not because he was conceited or had a high opinion of himself, but because he wanted to ensure that King George could read his name without the use of glasses, makes me laugh out loud. Not because it is funny, but because he had some big cajones. This man wanted to be sure that King George could name him a "traitor" without any hesitation or doubt. In many ways, I enjoy the irony and "nah-nah-nah-na-nah-nah" attitude he took.
Our Founding Fathers have come under much criticism - especially lately - because at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence they did not outlaw slavery or press for women's rights. But what these men did, in fact, was to ensure that those issues could be addressed later: by the people, and for the people. It is impossible to expect that they would have addressed every injustice in one document, and they hoped that this was only the beginning. And it was. In fact, they changed the world - as they knew it and as we know it now. I believe they did it for themselves and their children - but I don't think they could have understood just how fully they impacted the millions who came after.
I work for a man who fled Nazi invasion as a child with his family in the 1950's from Hungary. Tyrrany & oppression & death. The story of his escape to America is really amazing and always touches my heart. Peter Schramm has lived in America for most of his life, and still laughs and shakes his heads at "You Americans" when we engage in our very American way of life. My favorite part of Peter's story is this:
The signers of the Declaration of Independence, much scrutinized, criticized, and mythologized (new word of the day?), were men of great courage. Whatever their personal background, religious beliefs, occupations, fortunes, or reputations - they all came together in one common belief and decided to stand in the face of tyranny, despite the probable hardship it would cause each of them and likely, their families.
I have to wonder if they had even a SMALL clue of what their stand would mean in the end - TRULY. Knowing that John Hancock signed his name in such a large flourish, not because he was conceited or had a high opinion of himself, but because he wanted to ensure that King George could read his name without the use of glasses, makes me laugh out loud. Not because it is funny, but because he had some big cajones. This man wanted to be sure that King George could name him a "traitor" without any hesitation or doubt. In many ways, I enjoy the irony and "nah-nah-nah-na-nah-nah" attitude he took.
Our Founding Fathers have come under much criticism - especially lately - because at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence they did not outlaw slavery or press for women's rights. But what these men did, in fact, was to ensure that those issues could be addressed later: by the people, and for the people. It is impossible to expect that they would have addressed every injustice in one document, and they hoped that this was only the beginning. And it was. In fact, they changed the world - as they knew it and as we know it now. I believe they did it for themselves and their children - but I don't think they could have understood just how fully they impacted the millions who came after.
I work for a man who fled Nazi invasion as a child with his family in the 1950's from Hungary. Tyrrany & oppression & death. The story of his escape to America is really amazing and always touches my heart. Peter Schramm has lived in America for most of his life, and still laughs and shakes his heads at "You Americans" when we engage in our very American way of life. My favorite part of Peter's story is this:
My mother tells me, though I don’t remember saying this, that I told my father I would follow him to hell if he asked it of me. Fortunately for my eager spirit, hell was exactly what we were trying to escape and the opposite of what my father sought.
"But where are we going?" I asked.
"We are going to America," my father said.
"Why America?" I prodded.
"Because, son. We were born Americans, but in the wrong place," he replied.
Peter cries for America. He calls himself an American, but has a profound respect for those of us born here. He is both our greatest supporter and loudest critic for what we Born Americans do with the great heritage we've been given in our country. You can read the rest of his story here: http://www.ashbrook.org/publicat/onprin/special/schramm.html
I was raised by a man, a Marine who PROUDLY served his country, in a war that nearly ripped America apart. Where previous wars had produced "soldier heroes" who came home to parades, Vietnam produced "soldier baby-killers" who came home to spitting & disrespectful protestors. I don't share the belief that Vietnam soldiers were a disgrace to their country, although I have read many books & articles on the subject and understand only a small portion of the horror that the Vietnam War inflicted on the nation of Vietnam and the Americans who were called to serve there.
I am not here to convince anyone of anything about the Vietnam War, but neither will I tolerate the questioning of the patriotism and love of country any Vietnam veteran professes. My dad carries scars from the war, both seen and unseen, both blatantly obvious (as is his diabetes from exposure to Agent Orange) and well-hidden under layers and layers of self-protective defense mechanisms. I will never understand even a small part my dad went through - but I understand his motivation because I asked him about it. I understand that his time served was based on a deeply-rooted sense of honor & pride & obligation to His Country and to the Freedom it stands for.
Of the very rare and few times I have seen my father cry, all but ONCE, he cried about his love for his country. He wore his uniform with pride as he served in both the USMC and USAF, and regardless of what school textbooks and "experts" have to say about Vietnam, I know my dad is a Hero and a Patriot, and I celebrate this day especially for him.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Short & Sweet
Work is very busy these days, and I've already gotten in nearly 40 hours and it's only Thursday morning. I'm pretty doggone tired, but it's starting to get cooler outside and isn't quite so "wilting" when I walk outside today.
I'm at the hospital every week now for testing - Dr. ordered a Biophysical Profile and Non-Stress test every week to watch Kaity closely for her developing size. At 32 weeks +2 days, they measured her at approximately 5 lbs 14 oz. Normal babies at that stage are about 4 lbs. Dr. said there is usually about 1 lb give or take... I'm testing my sugar 4 times a day and take 2 oral pills every day - 1 in the am and 1 in the pm. We may have to resort to insulin, but the dr is checking me weekly before deciding that, and we're going to do everything we can to avoid a c-section and too-early delivery...
We're making progress getting things ready for Kaity, and making some changes in Claira's room so she has something "new", too. She's growing way too fast and is starting to talk about Kaity more, although she doesn't fully comprehend what bringing home a baby means just yet, but she's sharp and she's trying to figure things out!
Greg's work schedule is really starting to pick up and he's getting more clients - he's having busier work days and fewer cancellations this week. It seems that most days he's really enjoying the counseling a lot.
Won't be long now and we'll have two girls and wonder what we ever did with our lives before we got married. =()
I'm at the hospital every week now for testing - Dr. ordered a Biophysical Profile and Non-Stress test every week to watch Kaity closely for her developing size. At 32 weeks +2 days, they measured her at approximately 5 lbs 14 oz. Normal babies at that stage are about 4 lbs. Dr. said there is usually about 1 lb give or take... I'm testing my sugar 4 times a day and take 2 oral pills every day - 1 in the am and 1 in the pm. We may have to resort to insulin, but the dr is checking me weekly before deciding that, and we're going to do everything we can to avoid a c-section and too-early delivery...
We're making progress getting things ready for Kaity, and making some changes in Claira's room so she has something "new", too. She's growing way too fast and is starting to talk about Kaity more, although she doesn't fully comprehend what bringing home a baby means just yet, but she's sharp and she's trying to figure things out!
Greg's work schedule is really starting to pick up and he's getting more clients - he's having busier work days and fewer cancellations this week. It seems that most days he's really enjoying the counseling a lot.
Won't be long now and we'll have two girls and wonder what we ever did with our lives before we got married. =()
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Before Life Gets the Upper Hand
My life is about to become very, very busy, so before it gets away from me, I want to get some things updated...
Today, my dad had a heart catheterization. They found a 99% blockage in the back of his heart, and discovered that the blockage which originally resulted in his heart attack, is now completely blocked and cannot be repaired. The doctor told him that in the meantime, new arteries had grown and filled in and taken over to some degree and have been supplying the viable part of his heart with blood. So, he will be scheduled for surgery in Ft Wayne to have a stent put into the back of his heart. Along with the catheterization, is the complication of the dye used because of his kidney failure. He was put on a medication prior to the cath today that will help flush the dye out and try to make things easier for his kidneys to process. He's had all these building projects (including helping around our house) that are going to be put on the back burner for awhile, and HOPEFULLY he can be "good" and just devote more time being with his family & friends & fishing!!!
I did not forget to mention, but rather delayed mentioning, that last week, Dave's wife Lyn's, sister Kathy, passed away from an aneurysm. Last Saturday, 6/9, was Caden's 2nd birthday, but they spent the morning at a funeral. It was very rough on their family, as you can imagine. Kathy was only in her 40's and left a husband and 2 sons (ages 14 & 7). We would see Kathy at birthday parties for Dave's kids, and she came with her mom & their sister, Lori, to Claira's baby shower. I know there is nothing that can be said to make someone feel better when they lose a loved one, but I want Lyn to know that I love her and I'm glad she's family!!!
Starting June 19, I'll be having biweekly ultrasound/biophysical profiles, and non-stress tests for Kaity - she's due 8/12, but I think we can expect her to arrive towards the end of July... We shall see.
June 24 begins the crazy summer season for my job, and I will work several Sundays and pretty well make sure things in our Master of American History & Government degree program are running smoothly. I've got great student interns here for support - and of course, our awesome MAHG administrators. Before long, I'll be in the throes of summer, then the throes of labor, and life will change once again!!!
Today, my dad had a heart catheterization. They found a 99% blockage in the back of his heart, and discovered that the blockage which originally resulted in his heart attack, is now completely blocked and cannot be repaired. The doctor told him that in the meantime, new arteries had grown and filled in and taken over to some degree and have been supplying the viable part of his heart with blood. So, he will be scheduled for surgery in Ft Wayne to have a stent put into the back of his heart. Along with the catheterization, is the complication of the dye used because of his kidney failure. He was put on a medication prior to the cath today that will help flush the dye out and try to make things easier for his kidneys to process. He's had all these building projects (including helping around our house) that are going to be put on the back burner for awhile, and HOPEFULLY he can be "good" and just devote more time being with his family & friends & fishing!!!
I did not forget to mention, but rather delayed mentioning, that last week, Dave's wife Lyn's, sister Kathy, passed away from an aneurysm. Last Saturday, 6/9, was Caden's 2nd birthday, but they spent the morning at a funeral. It was very rough on their family, as you can imagine. Kathy was only in her 40's and left a husband and 2 sons (ages 14 & 7). We would see Kathy at birthday parties for Dave's kids, and she came with her mom & their sister, Lori, to Claira's baby shower. I know there is nothing that can be said to make someone feel better when they lose a loved one, but I want Lyn to know that I love her and I'm glad she's family!!!
Starting June 19, I'll be having biweekly ultrasound/biophysical profiles, and non-stress tests for Kaity - she's due 8/12, but I think we can expect her to arrive towards the end of July... We shall see.
June 24 begins the crazy summer season for my job, and I will work several Sundays and pretty well make sure things in our Master of American History & Government degree program are running smoothly. I've got great student interns here for support - and of course, our awesome MAHG administrators. Before long, I'll be in the throes of summer, then the throes of labor, and life will change once again!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
A Lot of News!!!
You have to know how odd it is for me to be talking about & celebrating Mikhael's birthday at the same time I'm preparing to have Kaity... I just needed to say it.
Today is Mikhael's 19th birthday! Wow! It's hard to believe. He was SUCH a cute baby (if I do say so myself) and looking at his pictures through the years, I am so blessed to have been a part of his life - even from afar. I wish him a VERY happy birthday! He is a blessing from God.
Pregnancy Update:
So the diagnosis of gestational diabetes was a pretty difficult blow - but having met with the nutritionist last Tuesday, I got a grip on it and actually felt like it was very similar to what I did with Weight Watchers a few years ago. Not that I'm dieting, per se - but being conscious of what I'm eating, writing it all down and tracking carbohydrates (vs points with WW), it has felt a lot like that and I was able to really get a handle on it. I'm testing my blood sugar 4 times every day - and am getting into a decent pattern.
Had my 1st dr visit yesterday since meeting with the nutritionist - and the dr was very excited about my progress, which made ME very excited, as well. She was concerned about having to put me on medication, but after looking at my numbers, she said if I keep it up, we'll just use the diet & exercise to control the diabetes.
AND - get this, I lost 9 lbs in one week!!! I could NOT believe it - they could not believe it - and they were concerned that I wasn't eating, but I kept looking at my chart, because I feel like I'm eating non stop!!! So, for this pregnancy, I currently have a net weight gain of 7 lbs.
Next Tuesday I start my biweekly ultrasounds (to watch Kaity's growth & size) and weekly Biophysical Profiles (like an ultrasound only more detailed and checking for specific things) and Non Stress Tests (to watch Kaity's development & movements). The regular ultrasound tech at the hospital is FABULOUS and very helpful to explain things and answer questions when she can - I love visiting with her, so in some ways it'll be fun to see her that often.
So, that's the latest...
Today is Mikhael's 19th birthday! Wow! It's hard to believe. He was SUCH a cute baby (if I do say so myself) and looking at his pictures through the years, I am so blessed to have been a part of his life - even from afar. I wish him a VERY happy birthday! He is a blessing from God.
Pregnancy Update:
So the diagnosis of gestational diabetes was a pretty difficult blow - but having met with the nutritionist last Tuesday, I got a grip on it and actually felt like it was very similar to what I did with Weight Watchers a few years ago. Not that I'm dieting, per se - but being conscious of what I'm eating, writing it all down and tracking carbohydrates (vs points with WW), it has felt a lot like that and I was able to really get a handle on it. I'm testing my blood sugar 4 times every day - and am getting into a decent pattern.
Had my 1st dr visit yesterday since meeting with the nutritionist - and the dr was very excited about my progress, which made ME very excited, as well. She was concerned about having to put me on medication, but after looking at my numbers, she said if I keep it up, we'll just use the diet & exercise to control the diabetes.
AND - get this, I lost 9 lbs in one week!!! I could NOT believe it - they could not believe it - and they were concerned that I wasn't eating, but I kept looking at my chart, because I feel like I'm eating non stop!!! So, for this pregnancy, I currently have a net weight gain of 7 lbs.
Next Tuesday I start my biweekly ultrasounds (to watch Kaity's growth & size) and weekly Biophysical Profiles (like an ultrasound only more detailed and checking for specific things) and Non Stress Tests (to watch Kaity's development & movements). The regular ultrasound tech at the hospital is FABULOUS and very helpful to explain things and answer questions when she can - I love visiting with her, so in some ways it'll be fun to see her that often.
So, that's the latest...
Friday, June 01, 2007
More Pics...
Daddy & Claira ridin' Papa Baker's 4 wheeler. She liked going fast, but HATED the loud sound of the motor!
Mother's Day weekend - 27 weeks
Claira & Mommy hamming it up...
This is Claira squinting and saying "light" because the camera flash is so bright. She's started doing that more, so I have to be quick about taking her pics!!!
I LOVE this picture of Claira - this really captures her personality & spirit!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Glucose Test
Got my glucose test results back and apparently failed miserably. Doctor said the results were "terrible" and I need to start monitoring my sugar. I'm getting a glucometer & test strips, sheets to record everything on, and have a consultation with a nutritionist next week. So, some things will be changing in our house, and until I've met with the dr & nutritionist I'm kinda in limbo and just trying to watch my sugar / carb intake until I know more. Loverly. No more starbucks (I will survive) and will just take it one day at a time...
Planning Greg's graduation party on Saturday afternoon - He's actually walking the line Saturday morning and I'm SOOOOO excited!!! I'm really proud of him and keep threatening to embarrass him at graduation by yelling & holding up signs, but won't do anything TOO embarrassing... He's adjusting to his new job - his hours suck right now, but hopefully in time, they'll become more "normal" and regular and things will even out.
Claira is hitting the terrible twos. Can that happen BEFORE she turns two??? She's not terrible - she just has some real sassiness (I can't take ALL the blame for that) and is starting to throw fits - it's getting interesting... But she's mostly sweet and cuddly and funny and we just try to get through those difficult moments when they happen and enjoy everything else. She's putting sentences together every day and it's fun being able to talk with her. I've got more recent pics and will try to get them uploaded soon.
Kaity is having a party in utero at the moment - can't tell if she's doing the Bump or the Hustle - but she's a mover & shaker right now. =) Can't wait to see her!!!
Planning Greg's graduation party on Saturday afternoon - He's actually walking the line Saturday morning and I'm SOOOOO excited!!! I'm really proud of him and keep threatening to embarrass him at graduation by yelling & holding up signs, but won't do anything TOO embarrassing... He's adjusting to his new job - his hours suck right now, but hopefully in time, they'll become more "normal" and regular and things will even out.
Claira is hitting the terrible twos. Can that happen BEFORE she turns two??? She's not terrible - she just has some real sassiness (I can't take ALL the blame for that) and is starting to throw fits - it's getting interesting... But she's mostly sweet and cuddly and funny and we just try to get through those difficult moments when they happen and enjoy everything else. She's putting sentences together every day and it's fun being able to talk with her. I've got more recent pics and will try to get them uploaded soon.
Kaity is having a party in utero at the moment - can't tell if she's doing the Bump or the Hustle - but she's a mover & shaker right now. =) Can't wait to see her!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Little Miss Sunshine
First, I need to brag on Greg a little bit. Yesterday, his work schedule was a little light, so he stayed home part of the day and I walked into a VERY neat & straightened house last night!!! It was SO great! We're in the midst of upgrading our basement - the paneling has been ripped off the walls, and part of the insulation in one area where we had a small leak. There are little piles of rubble from the demolition in various spots throughout the basement, and he & his dad moved some bigger items out Sunday night - and then yesterday, he sorted & cleaned up & straightened the kitchen & living room and it was just REALLY fantastic... Thank you, Honey!!!
Here's our Little Miss Sunshine... This is from Mother's Day Weekend. She really likes having her picture taken, which is helpful, but always wants to "see" the picture afterwards. Since she's used to digital cameras, she doesn't "get it" when she can't see her pic on a regular one...
Greg & I Mother's Day weekend. I'm at 26 weeks in this picture. Mom took me shopping at Fashion Bug and I found some great tops that weren't maternity tops, but because of the "fashion" of the day, I can pass them off as maternity tops. WOOHOO!!! I hate spending money on maternity clothes that I'll only wear for a couple of months and not be able to use more long term, so that was a good deal - this is one of those tops...
Every child should know where their "Inner Goofy" comes from, don't you think???
Here's our Little Miss Sunshine... This is from Mother's Day Weekend. She really likes having her picture taken, which is helpful, but always wants to "see" the picture afterwards. Since she's used to digital cameras, she doesn't "get it" when she can't see her pic on a regular one...
Greg & I Mother's Day weekend. I'm at 26 weeks in this picture. Mom took me shopping at Fashion Bug and I found some great tops that weren't maternity tops, but because of the "fashion" of the day, I can pass them off as maternity tops. WOOHOO!!! I hate spending money on maternity clothes that I'll only wear for a couple of months and not be able to use more long term, so that was a good deal - this is one of those tops...
Every child should know where their "Inner Goofy" comes from, don't you think???
Monday, May 21, 2007
Monday Morning
Miss Claira spent the night at her Mama Taylor's last night because I had to be at the hospital this morning at 7:00 am for the 1 hour glucose screen. I set my alarm last night for 5:05 am and THEN could NOT get comfortable, soooooo at midnight I as up taking a warm bath which finally settled "whatever" it was keeping me awake, and I finally drifted off to sleep. I opened my eyes and looked at my clock: 6:15 am!!! Panic - ripped my clothes off - washed my hair - had to iron my pants and drive like a madwoman to get to the hospital 35 minutes away...
Got there - 10 minutes late - only had to wait another 10 minutes - and drank down the mostly-flat Orange Crush tasting syrup they make you drink... All in all, it really wasn't too bad. Kaity didn't even seem to FREAK OUT about all the sugar, well, not for a couple of hours anyway, and even then, she has seemed pretty okay with it. That's good. I can remember Claira having a party after I took the first sugar test with her... My next appt is 6/4, and HOPEFULLY I don't have to go to the 3 hour sugar test later.
The weekend was really nice. Took Claira to her cousin Kyle's T-ball game on Saturday - she saw all the boys out there on the baseball diamond and waved her hand and said, "Hi Kids!" She LOVES people!!!! Yesterday we went to her cousin Emma's dance recital and I think Claira put on as GOOD a show as we saw on stage. She was dancing and rocking to the music. At one point, she was trying to copy the arm and leg movements and jumping and turning circles!!! So, when she's old enough, I think it's definitely something we'll pursue for her - she was QUITE happy with the music and dancing...
Got most of my garden planted: cherry tomatoes, 2 kinds of watermelon (sort of an experiment), and a row of mixed lettuce. Got my orange peppers started in a pot indoors since it's not quite warm enough, and then I'll plant my zucchini next weekend. Last year, I had HUGE success with some little yellow "cherry" tomatoes - they were AMAZING - even Claira was eating them off the vine - but we couldn't find them this year, so we went with some "sugary" cherry tomatoes.
A pair of bunnies have proliferated somewhere in our back yard (or under Kevin's shed next door) and have had 6 babies. I imagine my little garden may help feed them on occasion - which is okay, as long as we can have SOME produce for ourselves. =)
Having a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions lately. Weekends bring them on - probably because A) I'm doing more moving around and getting things done and B) I don't drink as much water on the weekends as I do at work... So, I'm trying to think about those two things and Greg has been very helpful with moving laundry from floor to floor and carrying Claira when she needs it.
Little Miss THANG has more attitude than I think I've ever had, so for those of you who have ever had to put up with my drama and attitude - I'M REALLY SORRY. Lol... Actually, she's a fun kid (for the most part) and is really way smarter than Greg & I think we probably are, so we can't let on that we think she is smarter, or that will be the end of us... sigh...
Have been taking lots of pics with our regular camera - and just need to get a few rolls developed and some digital copies so I can post pics online. My parents are coming down for Memorial Day weekend and we'll be doing some "getting ready for Kaity" activities, and enjoying some DOWN time, as well...
Got there - 10 minutes late - only had to wait another 10 minutes - and drank down the mostly-flat Orange Crush tasting syrup they make you drink... All in all, it really wasn't too bad. Kaity didn't even seem to FREAK OUT about all the sugar, well, not for a couple of hours anyway, and even then, she has seemed pretty okay with it. That's good. I can remember Claira having a party after I took the first sugar test with her... My next appt is 6/4, and HOPEFULLY I don't have to go to the 3 hour sugar test later.
The weekend was really nice. Took Claira to her cousin Kyle's T-ball game on Saturday - she saw all the boys out there on the baseball diamond and waved her hand and said, "Hi Kids!" She LOVES people!!!! Yesterday we went to her cousin Emma's dance recital and I think Claira put on as GOOD a show as we saw on stage. She was dancing and rocking to the music. At one point, she was trying to copy the arm and leg movements and jumping and turning circles!!! So, when she's old enough, I think it's definitely something we'll pursue for her - she was QUITE happy with the music and dancing...
Got most of my garden planted: cherry tomatoes, 2 kinds of watermelon (sort of an experiment), and a row of mixed lettuce. Got my orange peppers started in a pot indoors since it's not quite warm enough, and then I'll plant my zucchini next weekend. Last year, I had HUGE success with some little yellow "cherry" tomatoes - they were AMAZING - even Claira was eating them off the vine - but we couldn't find them this year, so we went with some "sugary" cherry tomatoes.
A pair of bunnies have proliferated somewhere in our back yard (or under Kevin's shed next door) and have had 6 babies. I imagine my little garden may help feed them on occasion - which is okay, as long as we can have SOME produce for ourselves. =)
Having a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions lately. Weekends bring them on - probably because A) I'm doing more moving around and getting things done and B) I don't drink as much water on the weekends as I do at work... So, I'm trying to think about those two things and Greg has been very helpful with moving laundry from floor to floor and carrying Claira when she needs it.
Little Miss THANG has more attitude than I think I've ever had, so for those of you who have ever had to put up with my drama and attitude - I'M REALLY SORRY. Lol... Actually, she's a fun kid (for the most part) and is really way smarter than Greg & I think we probably are, so we can't let on that we think she is smarter, or that will be the end of us... sigh...
Have been taking lots of pics with our regular camera - and just need to get a few rolls developed and some digital copies so I can post pics online. My parents are coming down for Memorial Day weekend and we'll be doing some "getting ready for Kaity" activities, and enjoying some DOWN time, as well...
Friday, May 18, 2007
Babies Don't Keep
My friend Dawn has started her own blog - and I've added her link to the side. I've only had a chance to read one of her posts, but I'm really excited that she's undertaken the "project"...
This has been quite a week. I nearly had a nervous breakdown yesterday and ended up just bawling after a very rough morning which ended with my slamming Claira's fingers in the bathroom door after discovering she was playing in the toilet. Again. So I took her to Mama's - went back home and slept and eventually made my way into work.
And my work schedule changed this week - we're working our summer hours (7:30a - 4:00p) which is FABULOUS once we get into the routine, but getting INTO the routine in the midst of potty training a daughter who does NOT really like to be awakened by anyone, and losing more sleep because of it - it's very frustrating and difficult this week.
There are moments that no matter where I am or who I have in my life I feel completely alone and overwhelmed by life's everyday circumstances. And sometimes, I just need to scream at the top of my lungs and let go of responsibility. I would love to "run away from home" right now. Not to leave my husband or daughter - that's not what I mean. I just want to run away from laundry and dishes, potty training and diapers, a messy house that I can't seem to ever get under control (with the chaos that only contributes to my feeling overwhelmed), and a job that gets busier in the summer which is when I HAPPEN to be due to have daughter #2. Sometimes the pressure is simply unbearable and I don't want to be nice anymore and I don't want to do anything for anyone else and I just want to sit and have someone take care of ME for a week...
I had a dream yesterday morning while I was napping and these random guys were coming into my house bringing shopping bags full of clothes and racks full of shoes - and in my dream, I walked over and picked up this really cute pair of sandals and just started BAWLING because it was so nice to feel that pampered. And it was only a pair of shoes.
So I pamper myself. Paint my toenails pink. Get my starbucks when I can. Use my chocolate-scented body lotion from Bath & Body works which makes me feel delicious. Prop my feet up in the recliner at night for a good 30 minutes to get the swelling to go down and TRY to ignore the basket of folded clothes that should be put away...
So I try to remember: Settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my babies, and babies don't keep...
This has been quite a week. I nearly had a nervous breakdown yesterday and ended up just bawling after a very rough morning which ended with my slamming Claira's fingers in the bathroom door after discovering she was playing in the toilet. Again. So I took her to Mama's - went back home and slept and eventually made my way into work.
And my work schedule changed this week - we're working our summer hours (7:30a - 4:00p) which is FABULOUS once we get into the routine, but getting INTO the routine in the midst of potty training a daughter who does NOT really like to be awakened by anyone, and losing more sleep because of it - it's very frustrating and difficult this week.
There are moments that no matter where I am or who I have in my life I feel completely alone and overwhelmed by life's everyday circumstances. And sometimes, I just need to scream at the top of my lungs and let go of responsibility. I would love to "run away from home" right now. Not to leave my husband or daughter - that's not what I mean. I just want to run away from laundry and dishes, potty training and diapers, a messy house that I can't seem to ever get under control (with the chaos that only contributes to my feeling overwhelmed), and a job that gets busier in the summer which is when I HAPPEN to be due to have daughter #2. Sometimes the pressure is simply unbearable and I don't want to be nice anymore and I don't want to do anything for anyone else and I just want to sit and have someone take care of ME for a week...
I had a dream yesterday morning while I was napping and these random guys were coming into my house bringing shopping bags full of clothes and racks full of shoes - and in my dream, I walked over and picked up this really cute pair of sandals and just started BAWLING because it was so nice to feel that pampered. And it was only a pair of shoes.
So I pamper myself. Paint my toenails pink. Get my starbucks when I can. Use my chocolate-scented body lotion from Bath & Body works which makes me feel delicious. Prop my feet up in the recliner at night for a good 30 minutes to get the swelling to go down and TRY to ignore the basket of folded clothes that should be put away...
So I try to remember: Settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my babies, and babies don't keep...
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
A Lot Going On
Well, this is late, but Happy Mother's Day to my friends who are mothers. I really got to celebrate this year and it was a lovely weekend! Greg, Claira & I drove up to my parent's house Friday night and spent most of Saturday with them. We were able to have a late lunch with Dave & his family and got to visit a little with them. Saturday evening, Greg drove us up along the Lake Erie coastline and we found a nice hotel where we spent the night. It was right at the lake's edge and was very peaceful and relaxing. I enjoyed the view of the water and the sound of the waves and seagulls - if it hadn't been so windy, I could have spent the entire evening right there outside watching and listening... We got up in the morning and found a pretty yummy breakfast buffet and drove home. We had Sunday lunch with Greg's parents and Kevin's family - and enjoyed a mostly nice day together. All in all, it was a lovely weekend. Having the time with Greg & Claira to celebrate Mother's Day was really special to me.
Mikhael Shane graduated from high school yesterday. WOOHOO!!! Congratulations, Mikhael!!! He had several friends and family members who were planning to stay and be there to celebrate with him. We were sorry we could not be there, too, but I thought about him all day yesterday and how proud I am that he accomplished this. I can remember my graduation day - it was quite an accomplishment to me - and I hope he is proud of himself and the hard work he put in to reach that goal. My understanding is that he will be out of town for the summer, and then plans to go back in the fall to start at college. He & I haven't been able to connect in recent days so I don't have the nitty gritty details just yet...
Without divulging TMI - Claira has been having problems for some time with constipation - we are on a "regimen" of sorts to help get that taken care of, and it's been a rather unpleasant week so far. She is being mostly good considering some of the ordeal, but it has been tough and I've wanted to "run away from home" several times. It's horrible when your child suffers (can I get an Amen, sistas?) and when you have to inflict some discomfort in order to help her in the end (no pun intended...) but it appears she does seem to be improving and we'll get through it.
[FYI -I had a ridiculous ordeal getting a prescription filled at Walmart Monday evening - after working most of the day, being late to her appt because of a semi wreck on the highway, standing in line for 20 minutes at the rx counter AFTER I'd dropped off the prescription and spent 40 minutes filling my shopping cart full of groceries (including popsicles & frozen meals), a daughter screaming and crying because she NEEDED her medicine, my feet were throbbing, and I was having Braxton Hicks contractions that would not let up until I got us & everything else into the car and guzzled some white raspberry tea and scarfed some pnut M&Ms. Claira cried almost the entire time home because she was hurting so bad, and it was an absolutely FRAZZLING evening and I'm going to be glad when things settle down...]
Greg is finishing up his job in Sandusky this week and starting his job in Mansfield - so that is a transition taking place, but things seem to be moving well for him. I'm really glad and he seems to be really settling into counseling and working with people. He appears to be much more satisfied with work and I'm happy for him!
Today is my brother Dave's 29th bday!!! I can't hardly believe it. I remember when he was born - and UGH it makes me old to realize it was 29 years ago!!! Happy Birthday Dave. And I did NOT break your arm... XOXOXO
Mikhael Shane graduated from high school yesterday. WOOHOO!!! Congratulations, Mikhael!!! He had several friends and family members who were planning to stay and be there to celebrate with him. We were sorry we could not be there, too, but I thought about him all day yesterday and how proud I am that he accomplished this. I can remember my graduation day - it was quite an accomplishment to me - and I hope he is proud of himself and the hard work he put in to reach that goal. My understanding is that he will be out of town for the summer, and then plans to go back in the fall to start at college. He & I haven't been able to connect in recent days so I don't have the nitty gritty details just yet...
Without divulging TMI - Claira has been having problems for some time with constipation - we are on a "regimen" of sorts to help get that taken care of, and it's been a rather unpleasant week so far. She is being mostly good considering some of the ordeal, but it has been tough and I've wanted to "run away from home" several times. It's horrible when your child suffers (can I get an Amen, sistas?) and when you have to inflict some discomfort in order to help her in the end (no pun intended...) but it appears she does seem to be improving and we'll get through it.
[FYI -I had a ridiculous ordeal getting a prescription filled at Walmart Monday evening - after working most of the day, being late to her appt because of a semi wreck on the highway, standing in line for 20 minutes at the rx counter AFTER I'd dropped off the prescription and spent 40 minutes filling my shopping cart full of groceries (including popsicles & frozen meals), a daughter screaming and crying because she NEEDED her medicine, my feet were throbbing, and I was having Braxton Hicks contractions that would not let up until I got us & everything else into the car and guzzled some white raspberry tea and scarfed some pnut M&Ms. Claira cried almost the entire time home because she was hurting so bad, and it was an absolutely FRAZZLING evening and I'm going to be glad when things settle down...]
Greg is finishing up his job in Sandusky this week and starting his job in Mansfield - so that is a transition taking place, but things seem to be moving well for him. I'm really glad and he seems to be really settling into counseling and working with people. He appears to be much more satisfied with work and I'm happy for him!
Today is my brother Dave's 29th bday!!! I can't hardly believe it. I remember when he was born - and UGH it makes me old to realize it was 29 years ago!!! Happy Birthday Dave. And I did NOT break your arm... XOXOXO
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Updates...
So, Greg was hired at the local job in Mansfield, and will end the first part-time job in Sandusky May 18. The Mansfield job will begin part-time and go full-time rather quickly, according to his new supervisor. So, he is sorta working 4 part-time jobs at this point, will whittle it down to 3 in a couple of weeks, and may be down to 2 some time in June.
Claira is definitely in a new "phase" and we're trying to work through it. At our church small group, there are several other babies younger than Claira. She seems to like them and wants to hug or kiss on them, but in her enthusiasm, she tends to pull them down and then it's like she becomes a WWF or RAW wrestler with them... Yikes! We're a little concerned with how to handle this. She obviously does NOT like to share, and she is big for her age, and she plays rough. She plays a lot with her older cousins (6 and 4), and it seems thinks she is bigger than she really is, and after talking about it last night, Greg & I agree that she probably doesn't play enough with kids her own age to know how to be a little bit gentler... She's not a bully (yet) and I think we can steer her at this early point to becoming a bit gentler and learning how to play like a 2 year old. =) Am I crazy to think that?
I'm feeling odd these days. Having some nausea, and even vomiting, and my stomach seems to be reverting back to its more sensitive stage like in the first trimester. I'm at 25 1/2 weeks, and my belly is starting to feel full and heavy and I'm definitely having hot flashes. I've also become prone to bursting into tears (gotta love the hormones) at very random and unpredictable moments, so needless to say, it's a little scary to be me these days. I can only imagine how scary it is to be AROUND me these days... Allergies are the bane of my existence right now and they may be contributing to the nausea
My digital camera is on the fritz and pretty well needs to be replaced. Here I am at 6 months and haven't taken ANY belly pics. ARGH!!! I got my hair chopped off yesterday and feel SO MUCH BETTER and it's easy to style, and even though it's short, Greg commented that he thinks its cute, so all in all that was a good choice for me. I need to spend less time getting ready in the mornings and having all that heat-inducing hair off my neck is great!
So, these are the most current happenings in my life and I'm literally taking it one moment at a time. =)
Claira is definitely in a new "phase" and we're trying to work through it. At our church small group, there are several other babies younger than Claira. She seems to like them and wants to hug or kiss on them, but in her enthusiasm, she tends to pull them down and then it's like she becomes a WWF or RAW wrestler with them... Yikes! We're a little concerned with how to handle this. She obviously does NOT like to share, and she is big for her age, and she plays rough. She plays a lot with her older cousins (6 and 4), and it seems thinks she is bigger than she really is, and after talking about it last night, Greg & I agree that she probably doesn't play enough with kids her own age to know how to be a little bit gentler... She's not a bully (yet) and I think we can steer her at this early point to becoming a bit gentler and learning how to play like a 2 year old. =) Am I crazy to think that?
I'm feeling odd these days. Having some nausea, and even vomiting, and my stomach seems to be reverting back to its more sensitive stage like in the first trimester. I'm at 25 1/2 weeks, and my belly is starting to feel full and heavy and I'm definitely having hot flashes. I've also become prone to bursting into tears (gotta love the hormones) at very random and unpredictable moments, so needless to say, it's a little scary to be me these days. I can only imagine how scary it is to be AROUND me these days... Allergies are the bane of my existence right now and they may be contributing to the nausea
My digital camera is on the fritz and pretty well needs to be replaced. Here I am at 6 months and haven't taken ANY belly pics. ARGH!!! I got my hair chopped off yesterday and feel SO MUCH BETTER and it's easy to style, and even though it's short, Greg commented that he thinks its cute, so all in all that was a good choice for me. I need to spend less time getting ready in the mornings and having all that heat-inducing hair off my neck is great!
So, these are the most current happenings in my life and I'm literally taking it one moment at a time. =)
Friday, April 13, 2007
Bloggin' Mama
It's been so long since I've blogged, and I actually have a few minutes, so I felt like talkin'.
Spring 2007 classes will end for me April 22 - school is winding down - besides the ACCURSED Math class (beginner's math, mind you), I have LOVED every minute of my online lectures, my homework, the papers... It has been an incredible challenge and I've really done better with it than I expected to. I'm not talking about grades, because while I want to do my best, the pressure to achieve straight A's does not exist for me anymore. Come on - get real - I work full-time, I'm a wife, I'm a mom - why should I stress myself about whether I get an A or B if I'm actually learning something? Settling into a routine has been difficult, but having the internet at home and with Greg's help, I've been able to get a handle on it and really enjoy it. I'm anxious for warmer spring weather so I can plant my small garden and get some flowers in the ground - if the deep freeze will ever leave us alone...
Claira is growing up WAY too fast. Seriously. This girl is more than I can comprehend sometimes. She pushes every one of my buttons (good & bad) and sometimes within seconds of each other. She uses the word "No," quite effectively, and although it hampers our morning routine and getting out the door, she is displaying a very sharp mind and strong opinion and I'm GLAD she is not a pushover. She IS bossy & strong-willed & has "attitude" - all of which she inherited in part from her mother. At moments, I am proud of that fact; at others, it's the most frustrating thing in the world. She is also SO affectionate and funny and LOVES to laugh. She & I have great play times together and the greater her ability for conversation becomes, the more enjoyable and wonderful I think she is.
Kaity (Kaitlyn Isabell) is coming right along. I am feeling much more movement in the past 2 weeks and that has been wonderful. Greg (FINALLY) felt her move for the first time this morning. I still feel like she is a tad more gentle than Claira was - and I am sensing somewhat of a pattern with her. I am really trying to watch my caffeine - she is certainly reactive to it - and I don't want her born with the caffeine addiction to which I am prone... Seriously - caffeine withdrawal is miserable. But she has her morning "play" time and her afternoon "play" time. Occasionally I wake up in the middle of the night because of her movement, but it usually signals one of two things: I need to use the restroom, or I am STARVING. So, she is consistent!!! All ultrasounds and checks show her to be developing healthy - and somewhat bigger at her stage, but nothing to be concerned about. Of course, I'll be subjected to the ever-lovely glucose tolerance test in a month (GAG!), but everything so far - is so good.
Greg, bless his heart, is really finding his way into the counseling community. His first job was not what they initially told him it would be, and combined with the on-call hours during the week and weekends, he decided it wasn't for him and was concerned he couldn't be there for me if I needed him. As that door was closing, several others opened up, and he is still continuing to interview at various places. Right now, he is working part-time at an alcohol / substance abuse counseling office in Sandusky. He was just hired Monday to work at a Christian counseling office in Sandusky on an "as needed" basis (working with his part-time hours at the other office), and they have already called him with 6 referrals!!! His main part-time job is posing some concerns because his supervisor (with the proper licensure to supervise him) is leaving, and he would be left without a credentialed supervisor to document his hours with the state. In the mean time, he got ANOTHER call for a 2nd interview at a place in Mansfield, and has an interview scheduled there next week. I suggested that it's possible that this new door has opened because the other in Sandusky may be closing - and we are really taking it one day at a time. He's somewhat concerned, as he always is, about his role as provider, but the bare-bones truth is that JEHOVAH-JIREH continues to open the door, even with all of the struggles and roadblocks we've faced in our marriage - and we can really only rely on Him... Greg has always done his best and always looks out for us and just knowing he WANTS to provide for us is really sweet and wonderful.
Enjoy the pics of Claira - I will try to post her Easter pics this weekend!
Spring 2007 classes will end for me April 22 - school is winding down - besides the ACCURSED Math class (beginner's math, mind you), I have LOVED every minute of my online lectures, my homework, the papers... It has been an incredible challenge and I've really done better with it than I expected to. I'm not talking about grades, because while I want to do my best, the pressure to achieve straight A's does not exist for me anymore. Come on - get real - I work full-time, I'm a wife, I'm a mom - why should I stress myself about whether I get an A or B if I'm actually learning something? Settling into a routine has been difficult, but having the internet at home and with Greg's help, I've been able to get a handle on it and really enjoy it. I'm anxious for warmer spring weather so I can plant my small garden and get some flowers in the ground - if the deep freeze will ever leave us alone...
Claira is growing up WAY too fast. Seriously. This girl is more than I can comprehend sometimes. She pushes every one of my buttons (good & bad) and sometimes within seconds of each other. She uses the word "No," quite effectively, and although it hampers our morning routine and getting out the door, she is displaying a very sharp mind and strong opinion and I'm GLAD she is not a pushover. She IS bossy & strong-willed & has "attitude" - all of which she inherited in part from her mother. At moments, I am proud of that fact; at others, it's the most frustrating thing in the world. She is also SO affectionate and funny and LOVES to laugh. She & I have great play times together and the greater her ability for conversation becomes, the more enjoyable and wonderful I think she is.
Kaity (Kaitlyn Isabell) is coming right along. I am feeling much more movement in the past 2 weeks and that has been wonderful. Greg (FINALLY) felt her move for the first time this morning. I still feel like she is a tad more gentle than Claira was - and I am sensing somewhat of a pattern with her. I am really trying to watch my caffeine - she is certainly reactive to it - and I don't want her born with the caffeine addiction to which I am prone... Seriously - caffeine withdrawal is miserable. But she has her morning "play" time and her afternoon "play" time. Occasionally I wake up in the middle of the night because of her movement, but it usually signals one of two things: I need to use the restroom, or I am STARVING. So, she is consistent!!! All ultrasounds and checks show her to be developing healthy - and somewhat bigger at her stage, but nothing to be concerned about. Of course, I'll be subjected to the ever-lovely glucose tolerance test in a month (GAG!), but everything so far - is so good.
Greg, bless his heart, is really finding his way into the counseling community. His first job was not what they initially told him it would be, and combined with the on-call hours during the week and weekends, he decided it wasn't for him and was concerned he couldn't be there for me if I needed him. As that door was closing, several others opened up, and he is still continuing to interview at various places. Right now, he is working part-time at an alcohol / substance abuse counseling office in Sandusky. He was just hired Monday to work at a Christian counseling office in Sandusky on an "as needed" basis (working with his part-time hours at the other office), and they have already called him with 6 referrals!!! His main part-time job is posing some concerns because his supervisor (with the proper licensure to supervise him) is leaving, and he would be left without a credentialed supervisor to document his hours with the state. In the mean time, he got ANOTHER call for a 2nd interview at a place in Mansfield, and has an interview scheduled there next week. I suggested that it's possible that this new door has opened because the other in Sandusky may be closing - and we are really taking it one day at a time. He's somewhat concerned, as he always is, about his role as provider, but the bare-bones truth is that JEHOVAH-JIREH continues to open the door, even with all of the struggles and roadblocks we've faced in our marriage - and we can really only rely on Him... Greg has always done his best and always looks out for us and just knowing he WANTS to provide for us is really sweet and wonderful.
Enjoy the pics of Claira - I will try to post her Easter pics this weekend!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)