It's Good to be The Queen

I've Moved

2007-12-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

This blog has a new home:

http://thequeenmommy.wordpress.com/

Shopping with a Toddler

2007-12-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

Yes, it finally happened - the dreaded Temper-tantrum-throwing-Toddler while trying to shop for Christmas presents... Princess CaaaLalla decided that she wanted to touch everything and when the King told her to stop and moved her away from the shelves, she pitched a royal fit. Screaming, kicking, crying - pushing him away - moving his hands off the cart. For several minutes. So we switched carts - Princess KT was sleeping for the most part - and the King looked like he was at his wits end.

Usually, the Queen does not put up with much crap. Not to say that the King does, but this Queen draws the line and appropriate consequences follow quickly. However, this time, I was the much more patient one, and when she tried to push my hands away, I took a death grip on the cart. (Perhaps the Zoloft is magical?) In the middle of her screaming fit, she started saying "Potty, mommy" and we raced to the bathroom, where she proceeds to tell me, "You first, mommy" and then tries to open the door as I'm using the facilities... Needless to say, she did NOT really need to go potty (but we won't tempt fate), and when she got back into the cart, she began the screaming/crying/kicking again.

So, the King took her to the carriage and I paid for the few things we managed to buy. On the way home, she fell asleep... We had planned to have a big Christmas shopping day, but that was not to be... Oh well, we shall try again - perhaps right after a nap and dinner...

Need to Powder My Nose

2007-11-30T16:05:00.000-05:00

I decided after visiting many mommy blogs recently that my blog needed a bit of an update. I started making the update yesterday, but officially retitled the blog and renamed the "characters" in my life...

The King - is of course, my handsome, hottie husband. (wolf whistle.) Yowza!
Princess CaaaLalla is our oldest, curly haired diva.
Princess KT is our little one, and baby sister diva.
I, as I have always been, am the Queen. (yes, it is a little presumptive - but HEY, it's my blog!)

I hope to figure out how to add some variety and sparkle to the place and hope you'll be back to visit!!!

The Queendom

2007-11-30T10:18:00.001-05:00

So, as you can see in the pictures posted in my previous blog, the princesses are growing up quickly!

Princess KT is really coming into her own, and has the sweetest smiles to give. She LOVES to cuddle and be cuddled. She just rolled over for the first time this week - she's starting to get mobile, which will be a LOT of fun... She keeps her eyes on her big sister all the time, and any time they interact, she's all smiles & squeals. She reaches out for our faces now and when we kiss on her, she puts her mouth on our cheeks. She's drooling bucket loads every day and we expect to start seeing her first teeth soon.

Princess CaaaLalla is potty training herself - just as we expected her to do. I used the last diaper with her over the weekend, and we switched to pull-ups. Now, granted, I am allowing for future setbacks & accidents, but all of a sudden yesterday, she decided that she would go potty for her Mama and wore "big girl panties" all day yesterday without having ONE accident. Her biggest motivators are getting to wear her pink light velour nightgown with silvery suns, moons, & stars all over it, or some sparkly purple mary-janes. If she can wear those, she'll go potty like a big girl in a heartbeat! Daddy also lights a candle and lets her blow it out sometimes which gives her a big charge - WHATEVER IT TAKES!!! So, she is making progress and we're really excited for her!

The King & I have had some really nice, sweet moments together lately. It has been really memorable. We're approaching our 4th anniversary already - and I think parenting has really started forging us into a team. It's really great to have someone I can talk to about anything - who listens and cares - and takes to heart what I share, what I need, what I want. He's really wonderful. I can be my ol' ugly self some days and he still loves me. He keeps telling me I'm a good mommy, and especially these days, that means a lot. I am starting to feel more settled in myself again, and he really lets me explore my thoughts & feelings in a manner that lets me find my way. I appreciate that so much about him. We laugh a lot together and it's good for my soul. He's a great daddy and I just love watching his little princess girls melt him into a giant puddle. He denies it, but only half-heartedly... He's a really good husband, too, and I'm grateful for every moment we've had together - every single one of them. I can't imagine a better teammate or partner for life.

It's good to be the Queen!

Princess Pictures

2007-11-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

Notes from the Queen Mother

2007-11-27T15:21:00.000-05:00

I love Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving was really wonderful because I had extra time with the King and our two lovely Princesses.

Princess "Caaaa-lalla" (which is how SHE says her name while struggling to pronounce her L's clearly) is growing up way too quickly. She is such a bright, empathetic, loving, funny child - I'm in awe that she came through me. She "lubs" her baby sister so much and will stroke her cheek and say, "Awww, cute!" She has even started helping (offering to) take dishes to the sink after dinner is over. Where the heck did she learn that? She will also take your "order" with a notepad & pencil, pretending to be a waitress, and always asks first if you want "cole slaw" because that is HER favorite thing to order. She begs me to "Play, Mommy" and lays on the floor so I will tickle her or blow Zrbbtts on her belly. Every morning she wakes up with a "busted wig" as her daddy calls it, and even though taming her curls is not her favorite thing, she does love to wear dresses, " 'ipstick" and pretty shoes. Her current request for Christmas: a dress. Anything else? Shoes. My girly girl...

Princess KT is growing, too. She is now 26.5" long and weighs 15 lbs 5 oz. She smiles almost all the time now - switching her formula has made a big difference! She loves her bottle time and being cuddled. She loves being rocked to sleep, and has even started "singing" because her Mama sings her to sleep... She is just starting to eat cereal, but HATED the plain rice cereal, so we add sweet potatoes (big sister's favorite) and she is figuring out how to get it swallowed... Once she gets the swallowing thing figured out, she actually swings her arms, shakes her legs and chases after the spoon for more! These first few feedings are an experience - and of course, we've already had a monster sneeze right AFTER she got a nummy mouthful... This little Princess turns her head at the sound of basketball or football on TV. Kind Daddy may have his star athlete in this one...

The King - well, he's been really wonderful. He has been so supportive of me and so helpful and even turned down some job offers that would have possibly meant more money, but would have definitely meant more time away from home. He has been able to change his job requirements at work, too, which means HE'S happier at work, and which means more time at home with us. He decided that with my PPD and two small kids, we need him at home more - and he's right.

The holidays were really very sweet for me because of the extra time I got with my husband & girls. I loved the time we had with our extended families, but to be honest, having time with my own family was really special and I enjoyed it. There are so many beautiful moments I could recount here, but it would take 3 days to read it all and people would lose interest...

Suffice it to say that I feel like my dream of being a wife & mom has really come true, and I'm not even medicated today... =)

Holidays with the Family

2007-11-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

I just have to write about the lovely time I had with my family last week. We were able to visit with both sides of the family, but I want to write about the time we had together - just the 4 of us.

I took Wednesday off - Princess KT had to get shots & had a dr appt. Princess "Caaa-lalla" (how she says her name while trying to pronounce her L's correctly) only had to get a flu shot, and relaxed enough to enjoy the nurse "tickling" her baby sister (after crying that they were going to "hurt" her.)

I so enjoy my extra time with the girls - it is fun to wake up at will and enjoy some morning time with each of them. Princess C is so happy when she's not rushed in the mornings, and Princess KT wakes up almost every morning smiling...

Good Enough

2007-11-12T14:54:00.001-05:00

The fog of fatigue has slowly lifted as I've been able to have time to sleep, and KT has gradually started to sleep through the night. Yay! What a lovely feeling to not be so fatigued! And to feel rested mentally & physically has been wonderful. I don't feel like a zombie anymore.

I think the "fog" was protecting me somewhat, though, from feeling depressed. After talking with my OB/GYN during my pregnancy with KT, we were both pretty sure I had postpartum depression after having CaaaLalla. It took several months to really set in, and really only seemed to start after I'd returned to work and tried to adjust to a very full schedule. KT is four months old, and as I have felt more rested, I've become more aware of how behind I'd fallen in housework and how working full-time and taking online classes really fights with my "mommy" time. I asked for and had a LOT of help during my maternity leave, and even since then, but at some point I tell myself, I have to pick up and start taking care of myself & my family, right?

So, to take care of me, I called my OB last week and got a script for an antidepressant, because I was starting to mentally and emotionally detach from my life and when I realized it - Thank you God for letting me realize it - I knew I needed help. I'm on a low dose, and am starting to feel some relief already - some calming, a little less "pressure" than I was feeling before. I am a bit tired, which is a side effect, but not completely fatigued, so I'm content with things so far.

As full as my schedule is concerned- my classes are really rewarding and interesting and challenging. I get some personal satisfaction from that and when I can get B's - I'm quite happy with that. My job is necessary, but also beneficial and I enjoy what I do a lot. It's the household "stuff" that really knocks me down. I am learning (slowly) to let "good enough" be GOOD ENOUGH, but has always been hard for me to swallow.

I grew up in a very organized, very neat, very clean household. There were lists of chores and they all got done. Really. At any given moment (except when decorating for Christmas), anyone could walk into our house and it would be nearly spotless. I don't know how my mom had the energy to manage it. I don't have the energy, and even when she's helped me at my house, I move like a turtle to her rabbit's pace. I was a clutterbug and, if allowed, I was messy! I left empty cups in the living room, and shoes under the coffee tables. I would leave piles of papers or books or whatever - anywhere I could. Not for long - but it was my nature to put something down and leave it there collecting dust until I needed it again. That has not changed.

Fast forward 20 years or so, where I married a clutter bug and we now have a 2 year old and a 3 month old which, of course, require much gear and equipment and diapers and baby wipes and toys and books - and there is just no room for anyTHING let alone for anyONE sometimes! I have tried a multitude of organizational products and methods. I have done positive affirmations. I have beat myself up for failing. I have gone through our house like a tornado and thrown boxes and bags of things away. I have spent entire weekends focusing on the way my house looks, and have not enjoyed time with my girls. THAT is not satisfying. I get to cross things off my "list," but when it comes down to it, I've lost time with my husband and my girls.

So I have to learn to rethink my "List" for my life and what is important. I have to change the way I think about what is GOOD ENOUGH for my family and not what is PERFECT. Perfectionism is a disease - it is a really horrible mental and emotional trap - that disables and destroys and dysfunctionalizes (new word). I do this to myself. I do this to my family. I lose sight of what is lifelong and what REALLY matters, and get caught up in the trappings of maintaining some appearance that takes too much energy and too much time from my LIFE to keep up with.

So, I will wash my dishes (always needing clean bottles), I will do my laundry (going to work naked might NOT get me a raise), I will sweep & vacuum my floors (because God only knows what CaaaLalla WON'T put in her mouth), and I will clean my bathroom (because otherwise it's just GROSS). The rest of it may or may not get done - ever - and that will just have to be GOOD ENOUGH!

Mini Vacation with the Mini-Mes

2007-10-22T15:17:00.000-05:00

How is it that already, at the tender ages of 2 (Princess Mini-Me) and 3 months (Princess Buttercup), the girls already resemble me in personality, looks, temperament, etc??? How amazing is it that the fingerprints of my genes just come busting out of them in ways that prevent me from denying them as my offspring? Not that I'd deny them mind you, but if I ever wanted to, I couldn't...

So I spent 3 days with my side of the family. It was SO FANTASTIC to see my parents, my brothers, their wives & kids. I realized it has been since Christmas 2006 since we had been to visit - they'd not even seen Princess KT yet... My oldest niece is just shy of her 13th birthday - a teenager already. I can remember when I got the phone call telling me she was born and how she had red hair... I was so excited to be an aunt!!! My sisters-in-law, have both lost weight, and for the few hours I spent with them, there were these moments where I actually thought to myself - they're holding Princess KT and Princess CaaaLalla is being entertained by her cousins - what the heck do I do now??? They both cooked dinner for us - Kym makes kick-butt pizza and Lyn made a really yummy Shrimp Linguine, after she bought me lunch at a Mexican restaurant! They got to play with all of their Polish cousins...

Hubby couldn't go - between work and a training class he had to take - he couldn't come with us. But getting away from home - no phone calls for me, no real laundry to worry about, no cobwebs and dust layers mocking me - what a nice little break that was. So yeah, I've got to work on the laundry, cobwebs & dust layers now, but I am a little more refreshed and have a better attitude about it...

AND I even got to sleep in a couple of times (past 6:30 am...) My dad made coffee every morning - mom made special treats - it was really nice to take some time off!!! I feel much better now. Am glad to be back home with my husband and girls - even work isn't too bad today. Sleep lends an amazing perspective to life...

Sleep!!!

2007-10-13T08:08:00.000-05:00

I am finishing a nice little continental breakfast in a hotel room. Alone. By myself. I have just spent the night here to try to get some sleep. It was actually Greg's suggestion, and with his encouragement, I made a hotel reservation and began planning a real night's rest.

Having spent the last 3 months (basically) with a new daughter who prefers to take naps, rather than long stretches of sleep, I found myself to be a complete basket case. My brain has been in a thick fog. I dont' really know how I've managed to drive to work & back, let alone do much of anything else.

My psychology class final exam is tomorrow. I'm also writing a 2-3 page paper on any topic that was addressed in our text. I've chosen sleep deprivation. Having experienced it first hand, reading some of the symptoms and resulting problems of sleep deprivation, which is a REAL problem - I look forward to writing about it.

Checking into the hotel, I felt a little bit guilty as my girls were going to stay with Daddy and Mama Taylor, and I knew it meant they would get to deal with the girls alone. I know they are capable and I know they did a perfectly fine job, but I'd gotten into that "I have to do everything and be everything for" my girls. Hopefully this little break will snap me out of that.

By the way, when I did check into the hotel, the lady at the front desk says, "Oh, YOU'RE the lucky one." I said, "Really? I am?" And she proceeds to tell me that the hotel overbooked and I've been upgraded to a suite. For real. Ahhhhhhh.

And I did sleep. Without about 6 pillows in a soft bed with fluffy comforters and the air on - ahhhhh - I had some pretty interesting dreams. Dream interpretation was another topic I studied this semester in psychology class. If I didn't feel so strongly about sleep deprivation, I might have to write about that...

Thank you, Honey, for suggesting this and encouraging me to do this and making sure the girls were taken care of. I needed it and I appreciate it. I love you.

Deb

Family time

2007-09-29T21:01:00.000-05:00

So, we experienced a new family adventure today: Family Pictures. Considering that we all slept until 7:00 am this morning - which has to be some kind of record - and my sleep was unbroken by Princess KT's need for bottles - I woke up feeling very optimistic.

Alas, reality set in far too soon and dashed my hopes of the idyllic family time spent together laughing and casually posing for pictures which would capture the beauty & life of our family. NOT that they turned out badly - they didn't. In fact, they turned out fairly well and as soon as I can, I'll be posting some here. But we are all still feeling the aftershocks of a 12.0 earthquake on our emotional Richter scale...

So I was a little ambitious with 2 changes of clothing... So my face decided to break out this week and the horrible PMS I suffered last week was only the tip of the iceburg compared to the horror of the no-longer-PRE-MS of this week... So I bawled my eyes out in the shower while we were getting ready because I was so tired and Claira had already been combative in the few hours we'd had together in the morning... So Claira & Kaity BOTH pooped 5 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door... So I had a 2 month old that decided to eat an hour early - JUST as we were getting ready to take the girls' Christmas pictures... So my husband was having a nervous breakdown trying to keep Claira from destroying the photography studio in the span it would take Kaity to drink her bottle... So Claira finally fell asleep after spending 2 hours in the photography studio or running rampant in Sears when I couldn't get to her fast enough or telling me she had to go potty only to flush the toilet when we got there and crying to leave the bathroom...

By the time we were done with pictures, I don't think any of us liked any of the rest of us. There was yelling. There was crying. There was cursing. And there were whimpering begging prayers for sanity and strength. And a shot of whiskey. Okay - I didn't really pray for that, but if I'd been offered today, I don't think I would have turned it down.

We get 2 days a week to be together as a family. Saturday is spent adjusting from the week-long adjustment to work, Sunday is spent racing to make up for what feels like lost time on Saturday, and preparing to go back to work and start the whole schlamiel all over again.

I'm still so freakin' tired I can't see straight and just want to sleep. Really - I think if I could have a weekend of uninterrupted sleep, I'd feel better and have a much better attitude. I could probably even think more clearly and act more sanely and react less sharply.

I think even God is starting to get tired of my whining or is at least trying to stimulate my sense of humor - my devotions today were in I Thessalonians 5:6 - Therefore let us not sleep...

Seriously...

Back to Work

2007-09-05T11:11:00.000-05:00

So it's my first day back and SO FAR SO GOOD. I wore shoes (and not houseslippers like I did to Geyers last week), and so far I've remembered all my logins & passwords and how to transfer phone calls. I've been busy enough to keep my mind here, so I haven't missed the girls too much. Yet.

This morning before I left them at Mama Taylor's, I was talking to Kaity and telling her to be a good girl (like she could be anything else) and I said to her, "Don't tell Mama everything," and she smiled a HUGE gummy grin like she was laughing out loud. It was utterly fantastic and made my day.

Claira, on the other hand, is going to have a real adjustment to our new schedule. It's not that she doesn't want to go to Mama's - she's in heaven, I'm sure. But she's not the kind of kid who likes big changes, and we were finally getting settled at home while I was there. And she REALLY doesn't like it when someone else has to wake her up, and for a few weeks we'll have to do that until she's adjusted. She had a very tearful morning and really wanted to be held while Greg & I were both trying to get ready and out the door on time.

I've already started getting myself up earlier than everyone else. Well, let's say I PLANNED to get up earlier than everyone else so I could have MY time and get things done, but Miss Kaity has decided she's an early bird and is waking me up even before my alarm goes off at 5 am. Ugh - remember my previous posts about sleep deprivation??? I'm right there and I don't think I can sacrifice much more sleep without doing myself (or someone else) some harm at this point... I've been having dizzy spells the past couple of days and have decided it's because I'm sleep deprived.

I really want to get us settled into our new routine and make sure they get used to the way things are going to be, so Greg & I can get settled and relax, too... With his work schedule spanning long hours sometimes, and my online classes, we each have our own priorities to add to the mix, but getting the girls settled in and "normalized" is my main goal. If anybody has any suggestions, I'll gladly welcome them...

End of Summer

2007-08-28T12:04:00.000-05:00

I honestly can't believe Labor Day weekend is just around the corner. I'll be back into work on 9/5 - but it seems like it's only been one or two weeks I've been home.

Adjusting to Kaity has been a challenge. She has a very different temperament than Claira and I feel like I'm just getting used to her & our schedule, and it's all going to change next week. For the most part, Claira is an overly exuberant and affectionate big sister. She loves to kiss on and hug and "pet" Kaity whenever she can. She'll lay next to her on the couch and just stroke her arm or her hair or "honk" her nose (thank you Jojo's Circus for that one!) Only last week did she start showing stronger signs of jealousy - but mostly in regard to her belongings (a blanket, the crib, etc), and if she is distracted, she seems to get over it fairly quickly.

Kaity, on the other hand, is a more needy baby than Claira. While Claira began marathon nursing at 3 weeks and I felt the need to supplement with formula, Kaity has almost always had formula after nursing and tends to go longer between feedings. BUT she wants to be held - and by held, I mean swaddled and held tightly against my chest - all the time. Now, I've read enough articles that say a newborn can't be held too much. I followed the same advice & behaviors with Claira as I am with Kaity: of holding her as much as I could whenever I could because I knew going back to work and things would change. But Kaity won't settle or be content for long in any other position - not a swing - not the carseat - not propped up on the Boppy pillow. She wants to be snuggled. On most days, and in most cases, I don't mind holding her. But Claira is an active 2 year old and I have to be QUICK in order to keep up with her - so you can imagine my dilemma.

I have tried the baby carrier I've got off & on, and for now (KNOCK ON WOOD) it has started working again. Last week, it was a no go and it was stressful with everything going on around here. On Monday - Tornado warning - and I had to move both girls from their naps into our basement (which is not a finished basement at the moment, but does have a queen size bed set up) and it was just ME here with them (and I HATE tornado warnings with a passion - of all the things that make me anxious, a tornado siren is at the top). I felt incredibly responsible for their well-being and fortunately kept busy making sure I had diapers & formula & water down here with us too, JUST IN CASE, and we got through it. Tuesday, the flooding in our area started. Thankfully, we ourselves were not affected, and only had very minor seepage in the basement, but parts of our town were under water (even submerging vehicles) and the area saw a lot of rain in a very short time so there was NO going outside - or even to Mama Taylor's - and I couldn't afford to drive the girls around to check out the damage, etc. Thursday - the heat wave hit and we were grateful for air conditioning - but again we were house bound and it was not the most pleasant of times for us girls...

Honestly, I do feel much more relaxed with Kaity than I did with Claira - and only when I am fatigued do I feel really irritable and cranky and just want to have 10 minutes for a shower so I can actually shave my legs and take care of my summer-feet, and not just race to get my hair washed & rinsed and quick scrub & rinse & dry to make sure the girls aren't either coloring on the walls or soaking another burp cloth. Don't get me wrong - I am very thrilled to have both of my girls - and I won't trade them for the world - but there are moments that I think I'm just going to break down and cry because I can manage working with a couple hundred adults in a master's program (some of them being very high-maintenance), and still find myself feeling lost in my role as a mother. I understand that at work I have help and I can help others.

The fact is, being a mother MEANS something so much more important in the long run. It matters beyond today what tone I use with Claira when she has discovered ANOTHER pen somewhere and has added her artwork to my dresser. Or whether both of my girls feels loved and cared for and nurtured, and whether they are learning they can count on me and that they WANT to count on me. Or whether I pray effectively as a mother, and show them how to love God. Or their dad or each other. I'm not panicking here - I'm not anxious about this at the moment - it's just the realization that the value of my JOB as a mother has lasting effects whether I get paid or not and whether I feel it or not.

It's that part of me that is so saddened about returning to work. Believe me, when next Wednesday comes, I will have a bunch of mixed feelings about going back to work - some of them including the fact that I love my job and will LOVE being able to work with adults again and not a 2 year old who is still resistant to potty-training (I'm relaxed about it, Terry, but just WISH she'd want to move ahead in this department).

But I will miss watching Claira dance to her morning cartoons and chase the bubbles I blow around in the yard. I will miss hearing her call for me when she wakes up for her nap and hear that bubbly "Hi, mom" when I get her out of her big girl bed. I will miss being able to sit with her and hold her any time I want to during the day. And how I will miss watching Kaity becoming so alert to her surroundings, and following my movements all day - and not catching all of her changes. I will actually miss being able to hold her close all day, because I know someday she will not want to be held. They will both want to go outside to play and ask to go to Mama's and then go ride their bikes outside and go to school and go on dates and oh my word, I don't even want to think about it...

Plethora of Pictures

2007-08-15T21:36:00.000-05:00

Greg's Graduation - June 2; Papa w/Kaity; Nana w/Kaity; Big Sister Claira can't get enough of Kaity; Daddy & his littlest girl; Mommy & her baby doll; The Taylor's - a bit sleep deprived; Claira (today) with her new rug; Kaity (today) bright-eyed & bushy-tailed...

She's HEEEEeeeerrrrrreeeeee!!!

2007-07-26T13:46:00.000-05:00

After several hours of labor (and the relief of a blessed MAGIC of an epidural), Kaitlyn Isabel Taylor, made her entrance into the world on Tuesday, July 17 at 4:37 pm. She was born with a thick head of dark hair, dark blue eyes, long fingers and toes - and a big sister who cannot get enough of her.

In the true spirit and sense of adventure inspired by her mother, Kaity made a pit stop on the way home from the hospital at Panera Bread and Cold Stone Creamery...

Kaity spent a couple of days at a hospital in Mansfield for phototherapy due to Jaundice. She came out still looking like she's been on a Caribbean cruise - while her mother looks (and feels) somewhat less rested...

We are all happy to have Kaity here and are adjusting to our new family member. Daddy has gone back to work and is suffering withdrawals from all of his girls, as we are from him...

Family Restrooms

2007-07-08T15:03:00.001-05:00

For the faint of heart, please do not read this - I'm a mom and dealing with pee & poop in any form and at any time is apparently one of my responsibilities... Seriously - I am not sure what lesson God is trying to teach me, but being up to my elbows in pee & poop is NOT fun.

In the past 10 days, I have had to take Claira to a public restroom after she has peed all over the floor / shopping cart / miscellaneous items in the cart, etc., FOUR separate times. Four. The most recent occurrence took the cake and I literally almost went psycho-pregnant- hormonal-crazy-lady on someone...

We are attempting to potty train Claira. She will tell us (on occasion) when she wants to go - she will go several times without needing a diaper or pull up - and then she gets busy playing or watching TV and doesn't mind relying on her diaper. Cant' blame her - she's not quite 2, so we're only pushing lightly - and she's getting the hang of it.

HOWEVER - going into the public realm seems to beg for other disturbing and traumatic events. Keep in mind that I am now 35 weeks pregnant. Also keep in mind that Claira is very tall and built very solidly at her young age so carrying her is really not an option for me at the moment. Twice now at Wal-mart and once at Joann fabrics, I have been on my way to the women's or family restroom in the very back of the store to change Claira's diaper, and we have found it necessary to call for the "Spill Team" to clean up either a trail or a puddle that has collected underneath the cart Claira is sitting in. I have found myself BAWLING in the restroom because the baby wipes &/or extra clothes that I thought were packed in the diaper bag are not to be found, and I get to improvise...

The last and fourth time was Friday evening. Claira & I were at Wal-mart after I'd gotten my hair cut. She had just filled her diaper with an unpleasant substance, and I headed back to the FAMILY restroom. I stopped by the baby department to pick up one of those travel packs of wipes, because AGAIN, the travel pack in the diaper bag was missing.

The family restroom seems to always be located at the VERY back of the store. I arrived to find the restroom occupied by a male, considering the voice who responded when I knocked. Now, I know the reason they have these family restrooms is for such an instance when a parent, male or female, requires a little more room and some kind of privacy to handle theirs or their childrens' bathroom needs. I pushed the cart into the game aisle and we walked around for several minutes waiting for the aforementioned occupant to exit. I returned, knocked on the door again - still locked. In the meantime, 2 other SINGLE individuals attempted to enter said restroom (while I am standing RIGHT THERE) only to find it locked. By the second person, I was pretty well calling my place in line OUT LOUD and staking my claim to the family restroom.

While standing outside the locked door, Claira grabbed at her stomach and started saying "Owie" and proceeded to pee ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Bless her heart. She couldn't stop if she wanted to. So now, there is a pee puddle all over the floor - the cart is wet, and I am really at my wits' end. I knock AGAIN on the door - no response - and start to think that I should call for a manager to check on the bathroom in case someone is unconscious, OR if somehow the door was locked as the last person exited. The "cherry on top" experience came, when a Wal-Mart associate - a single female - attempted to walk into the family restroom - while I was standing at the door waiting. I thought I was going to scream.

My child is soaking wet - she is poopy - the floor is wet - the plastic wipe case I'm going to purchase and haven't even opened yet is wet - and this lady thinks she's going to use the FAMILY restroom while I'm standing right there??? I said to her - "I'm in line for that restroom." She didn't even look at me and just went into the women's restroom.

Just when I was ready to start crying - ONLY because I am 35 weeks pregnant and hormones are wreaking havoc on my body & emotions - the door to the family restroom opens. Out walks a young male - probably 16 years old, who cranes his neack and GLARES AT ME - most likely assuming that I've been the one who kept trying the locked door to get in. I'm telling you right now, if he had opened his mouth to say one smart-mouthed thing to me - I would have gone psycho-pregnant-hormonal-crazy-lady on him right there in the back of walmart with my child sitting in her sopping wet cart and diaper and clothes, and would have welcomed a light jail sentence - in isolation - free of poopy diapers and inconsiderate morons who think the family restroom is to be used by anyone at anytime.

Can I be honest? The length of time the young man spent in there, had me thinking I'd better take a DEEP breath before I walked in because he MUST have been having some issues. But no - no malodorous presence was waiting. So then I started wondering what took him so freakin' long in there and then I figured I probably didn't really want to know...

So I've decided as much as I love being with Claira and shopping with Claira, in order to save my sanity, I may have to avoid - at all costs - trips to Walmart with Claira.

Independence Day

2007-07-04T08:27:00.000-05:00

The 4th of July has always been, and will always be, one of my very favorite holidays. I have always loved history, and learning about our Founding Fathers, flaws & all, inspired me to believe that being an American is an honor & privilege.

The signers of the Declaration of Independence, much scrutinized, criticized, and mythologized (new word of the day?), were men of great courage. Whatever their personal background, religious beliefs, occupations, fortunes, or reputations - they all came together in one common belief and decided to stand in the face of tyranny, despite the probable hardship it would cause each of them and likely, their families.

I have to wonder if they had even a SMALL clue of what their stand would mean in the end - TRULY. Knowing that John Hancock signed his name in such a large flourish, not because he was conceited or had a high opinion of himself, but because he wanted to ensure that King George could read his name without the use of glasses, makes me laugh out loud. Not because it is funny, but because he had some big cajones. This man wanted to be sure that King George could name him a "traitor" without any hesitation or doubt. In many ways, I enjoy the irony and "nah-nah-nah-na-nah-nah" attitude he took.

Our Founding Fathers have come under much criticism - especially lately - because at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence they did not outlaw slavery or press for women's rights. But what these men did, in fact, was to ensure that those issues could be addressed later: by the people, and for the people. It is impossible to expect that they would have addressed every injustice in one document, and they hoped that this was only the beginning. And it was. In fact, they changed the world - as they knew it and as we know it now. I believe they did it for themselves and their children - but I don't think they could have understood just how fully they impacted the millions who came after.

I work for a man who fled Nazi invasion as a child with his family in the 1950's from Hungary. Tyrrany & oppression & death. The story of his escape to America is really amazing and always touches my heart. Peter Schramm has lived in America for most of his life, and still laughs and shakes his heads at "You Americans" when we engage in our very American way of life. My favorite part of Peter's story is this:

My mother tells me, though I don’t remember saying this, that I told my father I would follow him to hell if he asked it of me. Fortunately for my eager spirit, hell was exactly what we were trying to escape and the opposite of what my father sought.

"But where are we going?" I asked.

"We are going to America," my father said.

"Why America?" I prodded.

"Because, son. We were born Americans, but in the wrong place," he replied.

Peter cries for America. He calls himself an American, but has a profound respect for those of us born here. He is both our greatest supporter and loudest critic for what we Born Americans do with the great heritage we've been given in our country. You can read the rest of his story here: http://www.ashbrook.org/publicat/onprin/special/schramm.html

I was raised by a man, a Marine who PROUDLY served his country, in a war that nearly ripped America apart. Where previous wars had produced "soldier heroes" who came home to parades, Vietnam produced "soldier baby-killers" who came home to spitting & disrespectful protestors. I don't share the belief that Vietnam soldiers were a disgrace to their country, although I have read many books & articles on the subject and understand only a small portion of the horror that the Vietnam War inflicted on the nation of Vietnam and the Americans who were called to serve there.

I am not here to convince anyone of anything about the Vietnam War, but neither will I tolerate the questioning of the patriotism and love of country any Vietnam veteran professes. My dad carries scars from the war, both seen and unseen, both blatantly obvious (as is his diabetes from exposure to Agent Orange) and well-hidden under layers and layers of self-protective defense mechanisms. I will never understand even a small part my dad went through - but I understand his motivation because I asked him about it. I understand that his time served was based on a deeply-rooted sense of honor & pride & obligation to His Country and to the Freedom it stands for.

Of the very rare and few times I have seen my father cry, all but ONCE, he cried about his love for his country. He wore his uniform with pride as he served in both the USMC and USAF, and regardless of what school textbooks and "experts" have to say about Vietnam, I know my dad is a Hero and a Patriot, and I celebrate this day especially for him.

Short & Sweet

2007-06-28T08:47:00.000-05:00

Work is very busy these days, and I've already gotten in nearly 40 hours and it's only Thursday morning. I'm pretty doggone tired, but it's starting to get cooler outside and isn't quite so "wilting" when I walk outside today.

I'm at the hospital every week now for testing - Dr. ordered a Biophysical Profile and Non-Stress test every week to watch Kaity closely for her developing size. At 32 weeks +2 days, they measured her at approximately 5 lbs 14 oz. Normal babies at that stage are about 4 lbs. Dr. said there is usually about 1 lb give or take... I'm testing my sugar 4 times a day and take 2 oral pills every day - 1 in the am and 1 in the pm. We may have to resort to insulin, but the dr is checking me weekly before deciding that, and we're going to do everything we can to avoid a c-section and too-early delivery...

We're making progress getting things ready for Kaity, and making some changes in Claira's room so she has something "new", too. She's growing way too fast and is starting to talk about Kaity more, although she doesn't fully comprehend what bringing home a baby means just yet, but she's sharp and she's trying to figure things out!

Greg's work schedule is really starting to pick up and he's getting more clients - he's having busier work days and fewer cancellations this week. It seems that most days he's really enjoying the counseling a lot.

Won't be long now and we'll have two girls and wonder what we ever did with our lives before we got married. =()

Before Life Gets the Upper Hand

2007-06-14T14:46:00.000-05:00

My life is about to become very, very busy, so before it gets away from me, I want to get some things updated...

Today, my dad had a heart catheterization. They found a 99% blockage in the back of his heart, and discovered that the blockage which originally resulted in his heart attack, is now completely blocked and cannot be repaired. The doctor told him that in the meantime, new arteries had grown and filled in and taken over to some degree and have been supplying the viable part of his heart with blood. So, he will be scheduled for surgery in Ft Wayne to have a stent put into the back of his heart. Along with the catheterization, is the complication of the dye used because of his kidney failure. He was put on a medication prior to the cath today that will help flush the dye out and try to make things easier for his kidneys to process. He's had all these building projects (including helping around our house) that are going to be put on the back burner for awhile, and HOPEFULLY he can be "good" and just devote more time being with his family & friends & fishing!!!

I did not forget to mention, but rather delayed mentioning, that last week, Dave's wife Lyn's, sister Kathy, passed away from an aneurysm. Last Saturday, 6/9, was Caden's 2nd birthday, but they spent the morning at a funeral. It was very rough on their family, as you can imagine. Kathy was only in her 40's and left a husband and 2 sons (ages 14 & 7). We would see Kathy at birthday parties for Dave's kids, and she came with her mom & their sister, Lori, to Claira's baby shower. I know there is nothing that can be said to make someone feel better when they lose a loved one, but I want Lyn to know that I love her and I'm glad she's family!!!

Starting June 19, I'll be having biweekly ultrasound/biophysical profiles, and non-stress tests for Kaity - she's due 8/12, but I think we can expect her to arrive towards the end of July... We shall see.

June 24 begins the crazy summer season for my job, and I will work several Sundays and pretty well make sure things in our Master of American History & Government degree program are running smoothly. I've got great student interns here for support - and of course, our awesome MAHG administrators. Before long, I'll be in the throes of summer, then the throes of labor, and life will change once again!!!

A Lot of News!!!

2007-06-12T14:28:00.000-05:00

You have to know how odd it is for me to be talking about & celebrating Mikhael's birthday at the same time I'm preparing to have Kaity... I just needed to say it.

Today is Mikhael's 19th birthday! Wow! It's hard to believe. He was SUCH a cute baby (if I do say so myself) and looking at his pictures through the years, I am so blessed to have been a part of his life - even from afar. I wish him a VERY happy birthday! He is a blessing from God.

Pregnancy Update:
So the diagnosis of gestational diabetes was a pretty difficult blow - but having met with the nutritionist last Tuesday, I got a grip on it and actually felt like it was very similar to what I did with Weight Watchers a few years ago. Not that I'm dieting, per se - but being conscious of what I'm eating, writing it all down and tracking carbohydrates (vs points with WW), it has felt a lot like that and I was able to really get a handle on it. I'm testing my blood sugar 4 times every day - and am getting into a decent pattern.

Had my 1st dr visit yesterday since meeting with the nutritionist - and the dr was very excited about my progress, which made ME very excited, as well. She was concerned about having to put me on medication, but after looking at my numbers, she said if I keep it up, we'll just use the diet & exercise to control the diabetes.

AND - get this, I lost 9 lbs in one week!!! I could NOT believe it - they could not believe it - and they were concerned that I wasn't eating, but I kept looking at my chart, because I feel like I'm eating non stop!!! So, for this pregnancy, I currently have a net weight gain of 7 lbs.

Next Tuesday I start my biweekly ultrasounds (to watch Kaity's growth & size) and weekly Biophysical Profiles (like an ultrasound only more detailed and checking for specific things) and Non Stress Tests (to watch Kaity's development & movements). The regular ultrasound tech at the hospital is FABULOUS and very helpful to explain things and answer questions when she can - I love visiting with her, so in some ways it'll be fun to see her that often.

So, that's the latest...

More Pics...

2007-06-01T11:11:00.001-05:00

Daddy & Claira ridin' Papa Baker's 4 wheeler. She liked going fast, but HATED the loud sound of the motor!

Mother's Day weekend - 27 weeks

Claira & Mommy hamming it up...

This is Claira squinting and saying "light" because the camera flash is so bright. She's started doing that more, so I have to be quick about taking her pics!!!

I LOVE this picture of Claira - this really captures her personality & spirit!

Glucose Test

2007-05-31T11:24:00.000-05:00

Got my glucose test results back and apparently failed miserably. Doctor said the results were "terrible" and I need to start monitoring my sugar. I'm getting a glucometer & test strips, sheets to record everything on, and have a consultation with a nutritionist next week. So, some things will be changing in our house, and until I've met with the dr & nutritionist I'm kinda in limbo and just trying to watch my sugar / carb intake until I know more. Loverly. No more starbucks (I will survive) and will just take it one day at a time...

Planning Greg's graduation party on Saturday afternoon - He's actually walking the line Saturday morning and I'm SOOOOO excited!!! I'm really proud of him and keep threatening to embarrass him at graduation by yelling & holding up signs, but won't do anything TOO embarrassing... He's adjusting to his new job - his hours suck right now, but hopefully in time, they'll become more "normal" and regular and things will even out.

Claira is hitting the terrible twos. Can that happen BEFORE she turns two??? She's not terrible - she just has some real sassiness (I can't take ALL the blame for that) and is starting to throw fits - it's getting interesting... But she's mostly sweet and cuddly and funny and we just try to get through those difficult moments when they happen and enjoy everything else. She's putting sentences together every day and it's fun being able to talk with her. I've got more recent pics and will try to get them uploaded soon.

Kaity is having a party in utero at the moment - can't tell if she's doing the Bump or the Hustle - but she's a mover & shaker right now. =) Can't wait to see her!!!

Little Miss Sunshine

2007-05-22T08:43:00.000-05:00

First, I need to brag on Greg a little bit. Yesterday, his work schedule was a little light, so he stayed home part of the day and I walked into a VERY neat & straightened house last night!!! It was SO great! We're in the midst of upgrading our basement - the paneling has been ripped off the walls, and part of the insulation in one area where we had a small leak. There are little piles of rubble from the demolition in various spots throughout the basement, and he & his dad moved some bigger items out Sunday night - and then yesterday, he sorted & cleaned up & straightened the kitchen & living room and it was just REALLY fantastic... Thank you, Honey!!!

Here's our Little Miss Sunshine... This is from Mother's Day Weekend. She really likes having her picture taken, which is helpful, but always wants to "see" the picture afterwards. Since she's used to digital cameras, she doesn't "get it" when she can't see her pic on a regular one...

Greg & I Mother's Day weekend. I'm at 26 weeks in this picture. Mom took me shopping at Fashion Bug and I found some great tops that weren't maternity tops, but because of the "fashion" of the day, I can pass them off as maternity tops. WOOHOO!!! I hate spending money on maternity clothes that I'll only wear for a couple of months and not be able to use more long term, so that was a good deal - this is one of those tops...

Every child should know where their "Inner Goofy" comes from, don't you think???

Monday Morning

2007-05-21T10:57:00.000-05:00

Miss Claira spent the night at her Mama Taylor's last night because I had to be at the hospital this morning at 7:00 am for the 1 hour glucose screen. I set my alarm last night for 5:05 am and THEN could NOT get comfortable, soooooo at midnight I as up taking a warm bath which finally settled "whatever" it was keeping me awake, and I finally drifted off to sleep. I opened my eyes and looked at my clock: 6:15 am!!! Panic - ripped my clothes off - washed my hair - had to iron my pants and drive like a madwoman to get to the hospital 35 minutes away...

Got there - 10 minutes late - only had to wait another 10 minutes - and drank down the mostly-flat Orange Crush tasting syrup they make you drink... All in all, it really wasn't too bad. Kaity didn't even seem to FREAK OUT about all the sugar, well, not for a couple of hours anyway, and even then, she has seemed pretty okay with it. That's good. I can remember Claira having a party after I took the first sugar test with her... My next appt is 6/4, and HOPEFULLY I don't have to go to the 3 hour sugar test later.

The weekend was really nice. Took Claira to her cousin Kyle's T-ball game on Saturday - she saw all the boys out there on the baseball diamond and waved her hand and said, "Hi Kids!" She LOVES people!!!! Yesterday we went to her cousin Emma's dance recital and I think Claira put on as GOOD a show as we saw on stage. She was dancing and rocking to the music. At one point, she was trying to copy the arm and leg movements and jumping and turning circles!!! So, when she's old enough, I think it's definitely something we'll pursue for her - she was QUITE happy with the music and dancing...

Got most of my garden planted: cherry tomatoes, 2 kinds of watermelon (sort of an experiment), and a row of mixed lettuce. Got my orange peppers started in a pot indoors since it's not quite warm enough, and then I'll plant my zucchini next weekend. Last year, I had HUGE success with some little yellow "cherry" tomatoes - they were AMAZING - even Claira was eating them off the vine - but we couldn't find them this year, so we went with some "sugary" cherry tomatoes.

A pair of bunnies have proliferated somewhere in our back yard (or under Kevin's shed next door) and have had 6 babies. I imagine my little garden may help feed them on occasion - which is okay, as long as we can have SOME produce for ourselves. =)

Having a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions lately. Weekends bring them on - probably because A) I'm doing more moving around and getting things done and B) I don't drink as much water on the weekends as I do at work... So, I'm trying to think about those two things and Greg has been very helpful with moving laundry from floor to floor and carrying Claira when she needs it.

Little Miss THANG has more attitude than I think I've ever had, so for those of you who have ever had to put up with my drama and attitude - I'M REALLY SORRY. Lol... Actually, she's a fun kid (for the most part) and is really way smarter than Greg & I think we probably are, so we can't let on that we think she is smarter, or that will be the end of us... sigh...

Have been taking lots of pics with our regular camera - and just need to get a few rolls developed and some digital copies so I can post pics online. My parents are coming down for Memorial Day weekend and we'll be doing some "getting ready for Kaity" activities, and enjoying some DOWN time, as well...

I'm a Summer

2007-05-18T14:20:00.001-05:00

You Are Summer!

Outgoing
Friendly
Flirty
Cute
Fun

What Season Are You?

Babies Don't Keep

2007-05-18T07:00:00.000-05:00

My friend Dawn has started her own blog - and I've added her link to the side. I've only had a chance to read one of her posts, but I'm really excited that she's undertaken the "project"...

This has been quite a week. I nearly had a nervous breakdown yesterday and ended up just bawling after a very rough morning which ended with my slamming Claira's fingers in the bathroom door after discovering she was playing in the toilet. Again. So I took her to Mama's - went back home and slept and eventually made my way into work.

And my work schedule changed this week - we're working our summer hours (7:30a - 4:00p) which is FABULOUS once we get into the routine, but getting INTO the routine in the midst of potty training a daughter who does NOT really like to be awakened by anyone, and losing more sleep because of it - it's very frustrating and difficult this week.

There are moments that no matter where I am or who I have in my life I feel completely alone and overwhelmed by life's everyday circumstances. And sometimes, I just need to scream at the top of my lungs and let go of responsibility. I would love to "run away from home" right now. Not to leave my husband or daughter - that's not what I mean. I just want to run away from laundry and dishes, potty training and diapers, a messy house that I can't seem to ever get under control (with the chaos that only contributes to my feeling overwhelmed), and a job that gets busier in the summer which is when I HAPPEN to be due to have daughter #2. Sometimes the pressure is simply unbearable and I don't want to be nice anymore and I don't want to do anything for anyone else and I just want to sit and have someone take care of ME for a week...

I had a dream yesterday morning while I was napping and these random guys were coming into my house bringing shopping bags full of clothes and racks full of shoes - and in my dream, I walked over and picked up this really cute pair of sandals and just started BAWLING because it was so nice to feel that pampered. And it was only a pair of shoes.

So I pamper myself. Paint my toenails pink. Get my starbucks when I can. Use my chocolate-scented body lotion from Bath & Body works which makes me feel delicious. Prop my feet up in the recliner at night for a good 30 minutes to get the swelling to go down and TRY to ignore the basket of folded clothes that should be put away...

So I try to remember: Settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my babies, and babies don't keep...

A Lot Going On

2007-05-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

Well, this is late, but Happy Mother's Day to my friends who are mothers. I really got to celebrate this year and it was a lovely weekend! Greg, Claira & I drove up to my parent's house Friday night and spent most of Saturday with them. We were able to have a late lunch with Dave & his family and got to visit a little with them. Saturday evening, Greg drove us up along the Lake Erie coastline and we found a nice hotel where we spent the night. It was right at the lake's edge and was very peaceful and relaxing. I enjoyed the view of the water and the sound of the waves and seagulls - if it hadn't been so windy, I could have spent the entire evening right there outside watching and listening... We got up in the morning and found a pretty yummy breakfast buffet and drove home. We had Sunday lunch with Greg's parents and Kevin's family - and enjoyed a mostly nice day together. All in all, it was a lovely weekend. Having the time with Greg & Claira to celebrate Mother's Day was really special to me.

Mikhael Shane graduated from high school yesterday. WOOHOO!!! Congratulations, Mikhael!!! He had several friends and family members who were planning to stay and be there to celebrate with him. We were sorry we could not be there, too, but I thought about him all day yesterday and how proud I am that he accomplished this. I can remember my graduation day - it was quite an accomplishment to me - and I hope he is proud of himself and the hard work he put in to reach that goal. My understanding is that he will be out of town for the summer, and then plans to go back in the fall to start at college. He & I haven't been able to connect in recent days so I don't have the nitty gritty details just yet...

Without divulging TMI - Claira has been having problems for some time with constipation - we are on a "regimen" of sorts to help get that taken care of, and it's been a rather unpleasant week so far. She is being mostly good considering some of the ordeal, but it has been tough and I've wanted to "run away from home" several times. It's horrible when your child suffers (can I get an Amen, sistas?) and when you have to inflict some discomfort in order to help her in the end (no pun intended...) but it appears she does seem to be improving and we'll get through it.

[FYI -I had a ridiculous ordeal getting a prescription filled at Walmart Monday evening - after working most of the day, being late to her appt because of a semi wreck on the highway, standing in line for 20 minutes at the rx counter AFTER I'd dropped off the prescription and spent 40 minutes filling my shopping cart full of groceries (including popsicles & frozen meals), a daughter screaming and crying because she NEEDED her medicine, my feet were throbbing, and I was having Braxton Hicks contractions that would not let up until I got us & everything else into the car and guzzled some white raspberry tea and scarfed some pnut M&Ms. Claira cried almost the entire time home because she was hurting so bad, and it was an absolutely FRAZZLING evening and I'm going to be glad when things settle down...]

Greg is finishing up his job in Sandusky this week and starting his job in Mansfield - so that is a transition taking place, but things seem to be moving well for him. I'm really glad and he seems to be really settling into counseling and working with people. He appears to be much more satisfied with work and I'm happy for him!

Today is my brother Dave's 29th bday!!! I can't hardly believe it. I remember when he was born - and UGH it makes me old to realize it was 29 years ago!!! Happy Birthday Dave. And I did NOT break your arm... XOXOXO

Updates...

2007-05-03T10:01:00.000-05:00

So, Greg was hired at the local job in Mansfield, and will end the first part-time job in Sandusky May 18. The Mansfield job will begin part-time and go full-time rather quickly, according to his new supervisor. So, he is sorta working 4 part-time jobs at this point, will whittle it down to 3 in a couple of weeks, and may be down to 2 some time in June.

Claira is definitely in a new "phase" and we're trying to work through it. At our church small group, there are several other babies younger than Claira. She seems to like them and wants to hug or kiss on them, but in her enthusiasm, she tends to pull them down and then it's like she becomes a WWF or RAW wrestler with them... Yikes! We're a little concerned with how to handle this. She obviously does NOT like to share, and she is big for her age, and she plays rough. She plays a lot with her older cousins (6 and 4), and it seems thinks she is bigger than she really is, and after talking about it last night, Greg & I agree that she probably doesn't play enough with kids her own age to know how to be a little bit gentler... She's not a bully (yet) and I think we can steer her at this early point to becoming a bit gentler and learning how to play like a 2 year old. =) Am I crazy to think that?

I'm feeling odd these days. Having some nausea, and even vomiting, and my stomach seems to be reverting back to its more sensitive stage like in the first trimester. I'm at 25 1/2 weeks, and my belly is starting to feel full and heavy and I'm definitely having hot flashes. I've also become prone to bursting into tears (gotta love the hormones) at very random and unpredictable moments, so needless to say, it's a little scary to be me these days. I can only imagine how scary it is to be AROUND me these days... Allergies are the bane of my existence right now and they may be contributing to the nausea

My digital camera is on the fritz and pretty well needs to be replaced. Here I am at 6 months and haven't taken ANY belly pics. ARGH!!! I got my hair chopped off yesterday and feel SO MUCH BETTER and it's easy to style, and even though it's short, Greg commented that he thinks its cute, so all in all that was a good choice for me. I need to spend less time getting ready in the mornings and having all that heat-inducing hair off my neck is great!

So, these are the most current happenings in my life and I'm literally taking it one moment at a time. =)

Bloggin' Mama

2007-04-13T13:28:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I've blogged, and I actually have a few minutes, so I felt like talkin'.

Spring 2007 classes will end for me April 22 - school is winding down - besides the ACCURSED Math class (beginner's math, mind you), I have LOVED every minute of my online lectures, my homework, the papers... It has been an incredible challenge and I've really done better with it than I expected to. I'm not talking about grades, because while I want to do my best, the pressure to achieve straight A's does not exist for me anymore. Come on - get real - I work full-time, I'm a wife, I'm a mom - why should I stress myself about whether I get an A or B if I'm actually learning something? Settling into a routine has been difficult, but having the internet at home and with Greg's help, I've been able to get a handle on it and really enjoy it. I'm anxious for warmer spring weather so I can plant my small garden and get some flowers in the ground - if the deep freeze will ever leave us alone...

Claira is growing up WAY too fast. Seriously. This girl is more than I can comprehend sometimes. She pushes every one of my buttons (good & bad) and sometimes within seconds of each other. She uses the word "No," quite effectively, and although it hampers our morning routine and getting out the door, she is displaying a very sharp mind and strong opinion and I'm GLAD she is not a pushover. She IS bossy & strong-willed & has "attitude" - all of which she inherited in part from her mother. At moments, I am proud of that fact; at others, it's the most frustrating thing in the world. She is also SO affectionate and funny and LOVES to laugh. She & I have great play times together and the greater her ability for conversation becomes, the more enjoyable and wonderful I think she is.

Kaity (Kaitlyn Isabell) is coming right along. I am feeling much more movement in the past 2 weeks and that has been wonderful. Greg (FINALLY) felt her move for the first time this morning. I still feel like she is a tad more gentle than Claira was - and I am sensing somewhat of a pattern with her. I am really trying to watch my caffeine - she is certainly reactive to it - and I don't want her born with the caffeine addiction to which I am prone... Seriously - caffeine withdrawal is miserable. But she has her morning "play" time and her afternoon "play" time. Occasionally I wake up in the middle of the night because of her movement, but it usually signals one of two things: I need to use the restroom, or I am STARVING. So, she is consistent!!! All ultrasounds and checks show her to be developing healthy - and somewhat bigger at her stage, but nothing to be concerned about. Of course, I'll be subjected to the ever-lovely glucose tolerance test in a month (GAG!), but everything so far - is so good.

Greg, bless his heart, is really finding his way into the counseling community. His first job was not what they initially told him it would be, and combined with the on-call hours during the week and weekends, he decided it wasn't for him and was concerned he couldn't be there for me if I needed him. As that door was closing, several others opened up, and he is still continuing to interview at various places. Right now, he is working part-time at an alcohol / substance abuse counseling office in Sandusky. He was just hired Monday to work at a Christian counseling office in Sandusky on an "as needed" basis (working with his part-time hours at the other office), and they have already called him with 6 referrals!!! His main part-time job is posing some concerns because his supervisor (with the proper licensure to supervise him) is leaving, and he would be left without a credentialed supervisor to document his hours with the state. In the mean time, he got ANOTHER call for a 2nd interview at a place in Mansfield, and has an interview scheduled there next week. I suggested that it's possible that this new door has opened because the other in Sandusky may be closing - and we are really taking it one day at a time. He's somewhat concerned, as he always is, about his role as provider, but the bare-bones truth is that JEHOVAH-JIREH continues to open the door, even with all of the struggles and roadblocks we've faced in our marriage - and we can really only rely on Him... Greg has always done his best and always looks out for us and just knowing he WANTS to provide for us is really sweet and wonderful.

Enjoy the pics of Claira - I will try to post her Easter pics this weekend!

Pics of Claira

2007-04-10T13:54:00.000-05:00

One Cool Chick!

Cute Claira Face!!!

Praying at Applebee's

It's a Girl!!!

2007-03-24T09:13:00.001-05:00

Claira is having a baby sister! We (finally) saw her for sure yesterday. She was moving and wiggling and kept her feet tucked under her. When she finally stretched out her legs, she hid behind her hand... But we got a clear shot and know for sure. The tech was laughing at her because she was being "modest" and wouldn't let us peek.

Everything looks great. Placenta is in a great position, baby is right at the size she should be. We even got some 3D pictures, and when I can figure out how to scan them and load them here, you'll see them!

We're talking through names and will post that as soon as we know...

Sometimes, I Just Don't Wanna...

2007-03-20T11:02:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I just don't wanna be "the wife/mom". It is NOT that I don't want to be married to my husband or to be mother to my daughter. It's NOT that I don't want to have to my family - it's all the other "stuff" that makes it HARD to be a wife & mom.

It's the working all day 5 days a week and trying to take classes online (which I freely admit I willingly chose to do) and then coming home and trying to think about dinner and potty training and laundry and dishes.

It's easy for me to want to do dishes rather than focus on potty training because getting dishes done is a completed task in a limited amount of time, where potty training requires much more thought and attention and will be continual for some time.

It's the 2 full baskets of clean laundry that must be folded & put away so we have work clothes or play clothes, knowing that as I'm doing so, there are 3 other loads that should be washed, dried, folded & put away.

It's desperately needing the internet connection at home to get my homework done that is giving us nothing but problems (and NO connectivity despite numerous phone calls to customer service representatives who speak with a very strong accent and can be difficult to understand) and having to run to my in-laws (who don't mind) to take a quiz at 9:00 pm before the quiz deadline. It's needing to read 15 chapters a week and listen to 9+ online lectures in order to prepare for the quiz or test I have to take in 3 days. I REALLY want to be in classes and finish my degree and feel like it's something I'm doing just for me, and yet it just seems to be something else that pulls me further away from my family.

Greg tries to help. He puts dishes away - he has been making coffee in the mornings while we get ready for work - he tries to entertain Claira while I read my chapters (and while she whines for "Mama" regardless of what antics he tries) - he runs laundry through the washer & dryer to GET them into the "clean" baskets - or straightens up the living room or kitchen so I don't have to. But that list of things that must be done just never hits the end...

I think I could even sacrifice Starbucks to pay for a maid service (if I actually spent that much on Starbucks...) I can't tolerate that chaotic clutter like I used to and I'm turning into Monica Geller about the house, only I feel completely helpless about it.

That whole "Proverbs 31 Woman" thing is just something I can't possibly imagine ever attaining, and trying to think about doing so just frustrates me to the point of giving up...

So maybe it's not the whole "I don't wanna be a wife/mom" so much as it is "I don't wanna be the Proverbs 31 Woman"... MAYBE, that's what it boils down to for me...

Long Time, No Write...

2007-03-14T12:26:00.000-05:00

So it has been 3 months since I've blogged - been a little busy...

We're now 18 weeks along in our pregnancy. Baby is really starting to move around and make his presence known. No, we don't know for SURE that it's a boy, but our ultrasound is scheduled for March 23, and hopefully he will feel like showing off...

Claira is growing like a weed. She is saying phrases and sentences and is wayyyyyy too smart. We have fun with her, and she is learning how to whine for things, and we are learning how to teach her to ask for things. =) We are trying to prepare her for a sibling as much as we can, and it's going to be fun. She likes to pat or hug or kiss my tummy (or even hit occasionally), and says "Baby" or "My Baby." She tries putting her milk cup to my belly button because we tell her that the baby will drink milk. She'll tilt her head, kinda squint her eyes, and say, "Awwwwww" when we talk about babies or see pictures of babies. She's certainly going to enjoy being a big sister...

Greg has started a new job today - counseling with alcohol & substance abuse. He worked at a place for about 4 weeks as a crisis counselor, but it wasn't to his liking or taste. It also required some on-call time and overnight stays, which after he started and understood how much he'd be gone and how far away he'd be, realized it wasn't something he wanted to do. His new job is a ways away, too, but it's more to his liking, and there is a possibility of it becoming a full-time gig.

I've had some minor ups & downs with the pregnancy - urinary tract infection, which can cause pain, bleeding, even preterm labor - and although it has not been serious, we're just trying to take things a little slower. It's hard to do when we both work, have Claira, and I'm taking online classes, but we're figuring it out. I'm having serious insomnia which is just wearing me out - but the dr gave me a prescription, and I got one night's rest this week, which was totally amazing. I will only use them occasionally, and look forward to knowing those nights of rest are available to me now!

School is great. Other than my math class. Although this last Math section was actually decent and gave me some hope - I took an American History course and got a B. I am now continuing with the Math class, and have added a Humanities course and a Bible course. I'm enjoying them a lot. It's a challenge - finding the time to do it all - but we just got internet at home, and it's going to make things a bit easier to manage. =)

For the most part, we're all doing well, and are just trying to take things one day at a time. Will try to post more often and stay updated...

YAY - IT WAS WORTH IT!!!

2007-01-11T16:27:00.000-05:00

I am late in posting this, but CONGRATULATIONS TO GREG for passing his National Counselor's Examination on Monday, 1/8. He is now an official, "professional" therapist! He has sent off for his license from the state, and has had a couple of interviews recently which sound promising.

Yesterday, he received his (beautiful) diploma from Ashland Theological Seminary! Graduation is set for June 2!!!

I am really proud of Greg. It was not easy, and sometimes it was downright awful, but he studied hard and he worked his butt off and HE DID IT!!!

CONGRATULATIONS, Sweetness!!!

Our Holidays

2006-12-28T15:24:00.000-05:00

We spent Friday-Sunday with the Baker's and had a nice family get together Friday evening (12/22). We stayed with my brother Dan & his family and it was a really nice, very relaxing time. We enjoyed ourselves a lot and Claira loved playing with her bigger cousins.

We had Christmas breakfast with the Taylor's and it was a really nice time. The kids enjoyed opening their gifts and Claira was into Emma & Kyle's guitars! We got to have a nice nap, but woke up to Claira with a fever.

We were in the emergency room with her Tuesday morning for several hours - the doctor thought maybe it was croup because of her barky-cough, BUT instead, she tested positive for strep throat... I'm wondering if that's what I had the week before, but they didn't take a throat culture then, and still gave me an antibiotic which took care of most of it.

Needless to say, yesterday (Wednesday) was our worst day. I felt HORRIBLE, and although Greg had the day off he was in & out trying to find a toilet to replace our (only) broken one and had an appointment with his counseling supervisor in the afternoon. Claira & I did take a LONG nap in the afternoon and although I had to sleep in the recliner I got to sleep for 5 hours straight for the first time in weeks. The nightly trips to the restroom have been mixed with a very restless Claira for the past several weeks, and I enjoyed the rest. Greg stayed home with us today just to help, and it has helped a lot.

So, Claira is on antibiotics, I'm trying to force fluids with both of us (my sinusitis is lingering) and that with a broken toilet... (which IS being replaced tomorrow morning)...

Needless to say, I am glad we had this week off from work, because i"d have had to call in several days anyway. =) Mixed blessings...

Hope your holidays were happy & healthy.

Christmas Traditions Poll

2006-12-20T15:49:00.000-05:00

Rather than post a long drawn-out newsletter(which has mostly been shared on this blog already), I wanted to post a "poll" of sorts and find out what kind of family traditions you enjoyed growing up and what family traditions you are incorporating into your family now.

The day after Thanksgiving we would normally put up our Christmas tree. My dad would disappear after bringing all the boxes in, and the chaotic decorating began. The tree would go up and every knick knack we had would go into a box to be replaced by a Christmas decoration. There were endless boxes and surprises every time we'd decorate and I enjoyed this a lot.

There was always the baking/cooking/candymaking weekend, too. It didn't just happen once, but my mom was an EXPERT at managing about 6 different projects at once. I don't know how she did it, but she would have different pots & pans going, while decorations were going up and Christmas music blared in the background. We always made peanut butter balls, toffee, dipped pretzels, baked and decorated various assortments of cookies. The freezer would be PACKED to the limit until we could put together the gift plates to take to church or give to neighbors, but we always had more than enough to sneak a peanut butter ball or 2 after school with a glass of milk...

On Christmas Eve, after we were older, we could open most if not all of our family gifts to each other, or gifts that had been sent to us. On Christmas morning, we got to open our gifts from "Santa." This was always fun, especially while Dave was still young and we got to be part of keeping Santa alive for him.

As a kid, my favorite part of Christmas was Christmas morning when everybody was (FINALLY!) awake. Mom & Dad let us kids dive into our stockings to keep us entertained and from literally exploding before opening our gifts. But it wasn't my favorite part because of the gifts or stockings overflowing with goodies.

First, my dad would read Luke 2:1-33. (Okay, first, he would ask if our beds were made - he just LOVED to torture us - and we'd have to go make our bed if they weren't made already...) Whenever my dad would read this passage - even when I was young, it would make me cry (and it still does). It was a moment of simplicity when the real meaning of Christmas Day was acknowledged and fully realized. I always wondered about Mary & Joseph and how they must have felt at the birth of Jesus. Then, we would sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, and that would start our celebration.

We're still early into our family Christmases, but Greg & I are beginning to talk about the things we'd like to do so our children can have those traditions & memories of the holidays when they grow up.

Whatever you plan to do for Christmas this year, wherever you plan to go, and whoever you will be with, the most important thing to remember is that Christmas is about Jesus Christ - Emmanuel, God with us.

What would you say are your favorite family traditions? Are there any you plan to incorporate into your own family?

My Husband Deserves a Parade

2006-12-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

My husband really deserves a parade. Since he finished his classes last week (Thank you, Jesus!!!), he has been SOOOOOOOO amazing at home. He has actually taken over some household chores and seems to have made them his own! (Feel the drums pounding???)

Saturday morning he was required to work overtime in Columbus, and Claira & I were left to our own devices. For the most part, we did well, but as the day wore on, we began to butt heads. Claira had not been sleeping through the night all week and ALL of us were exhausted. When Greg got home after being gone about 8 hours, Claira & I were being a bit cranky with each other and Greg asked how he could help. I don't remember what I said, but the next thing I heard was, "Well, why don't you go take a nap and I'll take care of Claira." WOW - what magical words to my sleep deprived ears. I could have cried right there on the spot, but I didn't. I just took myself up to bed and slept. It felt SO good. When I got up, Greg said he was making dinner - and despite the fact that we simply didn't like the fish (through no fault of Greg's), it was REALLY nice! (Yep, I'm hearing the brass section now! GO TUBA!)

Sunday morning I wasn't feeling so hot - I've got a yukky cough - and Greg helped with Claira and with me - put dishes away, and made supper AGAIN that night!!! We managed to get our Christmas tree up (despite Claira's help) and it looks really pretty in our living room. (Yep, I can see the batons twirling and the colorguards' flags flying now!)

He told me I can't clean the bathroom anymore (cuz of the cleaner fumes) and that he would do it. Said he would help with laundry, too. (Wow, those trumpets are LOUD!!!)

He has been so sweet & attentive - I already feel very spoiled, and had to brag on him!!! (Yeah, no scantily clad cheerleaders for this band - I'll take care of that part...)

Positive News!!!

2006-12-14T10:13:00.000-05:00

Claira will be a big sister next year - we're due in August again. =)

Santa Claus IS Real!

2006-12-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

I got this in an email from my mom with no credits or publishing info, but had to post it here today!

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus,"she jeered. "Even dummies know that!" My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandmaalways told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous"cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" She snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money,"she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car. " Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, and the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's second grade class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that BobbyDecker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat.

I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby reallyneeded a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas. That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible). Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby. Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.

That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share. And may you always believe in themagic of Santa Claus.

Happy Birthday Sweetness!

2006-12-04T08:34:00.000-05:00

Today is my handsome Hubby's 37th birthday. When I woke him up this morning and said, "Happy Birthday," he said "I'm 28 today." Yes, he is living in denial...

His mom will make his traditional banana pudding today. As much as Greg LOVES cake (and I mean the bakery kind with the sugary icing), for his birthday, he always wants banana pudding, and his mom makes it from scratch. I believe it was Mommy Reynolds' recipe, and now his mom makes it every year. It is SO good - we're all looking forward to that tonight... His mom has learned to make a batch just for Greg and a batch for everybody else...

I'm giving him a cologne sampler - it's what he asked for, and in the end, I get to reap some of the benefits. =) I hope he has a great day and enjoys his day off (even though he IS running errands today).

I love you, Sweetie. I'm glad we are married. It's a happy start to our week of celebration!!!

Thoughts for the Day

2006-11-20T17:01:00.000-05:00

If you've ever seen the movie, "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood," you'll know that it's about enduring friendships. It is also about a mother-daughter relationship and all of its ups & downs. I watched it recently, and have to admit that at moments in my life I could relate to both Vivi and Siddalee Walker...

On one hand, I feel like I'm "cracking up" like Vivi did when she was younger. The moment all of the kids were vomiting and had diarrhea and she stepped in the mess - I can almost relate to that only on a much smaller scale. On the other hand, there are issues in my life, from my childhood, that I am dealing with and I feel like I could write a book...

In one of the final moments of the film, a conversation takes place between Vivi & Sidda that just really speaks volumes to me about the relationship between a mother & daughter...

Vivi: I've been thinking about what I'd sayto you, should we ever speak again. I thought of all the mean things that'dmake you feel guilty. You know me. I take a problem and chew on it until all the flavor's gone... ...and then I stick it in my hair. And then it dawned on me.
All those years...
...that I prayed...
...that I begged on my handsand knees...
...for God to make me more, give me more...
...make me better...
...make me stronger...
...make me saner...
...make all my dreams come true...
I finally got an answer.
Sidda: What?
V: You.
Right there in one person,all I'd ever wanted to be or do.
And there you are.
You came right through me...
...and I never even realized.
I hate it when it's right in front ofyour face and you miss it. Don't you?
(minor conversation continues)
There's one more thing I want to ask.
Then you go dance until your socks melt.
Okay. But I want you to be totally honest.
S: Are you sure?
V: - Yes.
S:- Okay.
V: Do I look like I've gained weight?
S: No. Actually,I think you may be too thin.
V: God love you, darling.

Mini-Me-Queen-Bee

2006-11-01T15:43:00.000-05:00

Claira, Daddy & Papa Joe
Sittin on the porch with Papa
Sun's just a tad too bright
Mmmm - reaping the rewards

Monday Morning

2006-10-30T09:05:00.000-05:00

Well, it was certainly a Monday morning at my house this morning... The time change always rattles me a little and shakes me out of my normal sleeping, and it had the same effect on Claira. Normally, after Greg leaves for work, I have about 30 minutes to get as much of my "getting ready for work" done before Claira wakes up. I like to be able to be dressed and only have to blow dry my hair once she's awake, because it gives us a few minutes to cuddle and play before we have to race out the door. I have time to make a bottle and we can lay together in my bed and enjoy a few minutes of just us.

This morning, however, was different. She was up before I even got out of bed, which is good for Greg because he gets to see her. That's always good for them. Greg needed to borrow my ATM card today because his replacement card is on the way and his other one had been deactivated. I very grumpily yanked it out of my wallet and nearly threw it at him, knowing that by doing so, I'd have to forego the coffee at Speedway that I really, really, really wanted this morning. But it was either him ending up on the side of the road without gas, or my going without coffee...

So, to get ready I put Claira in the bathroom with me and showered quickly and got dressed. She is very curious and likes to empty things - if a basket is full of lotions and body sprays, she likes to empty it. Or the trash, which was mostly empty today so I didn't have to worry about it. It's much easier keeping her in the bathroom with me and mopt up the water off the floor from her pulling the shower curtain back, than hearing her work herself up into a monster crying fit that takes 10 minutes to calm her down...

I got her dressed and got my hair dried and was doing my scrunching-spritzing thing with my head hanging upside down and when I popped up, she'd found the coffee cup on the back of the toilet that I'd "lost" yesterday morning and hadn't finished drinking. All over her - all over the closed toilet. So, I changed her clothes, which she did NOT want to do, grabbed a towel and was mopping up the bathroom when I realized how quiet it was and I didn't see Claira. So I got into the hall to realize her bedroom door was open (and NOT closed as I honestly, truly thought it was) and she was playing in the vaporizer on the floor... (This is why she isn't allowed to play in her bedroom alone because of the fan and vaporizer that are on her floor...) So I dried her hands and cried really hard for a couple of minutes because by that time, I was worn out and cranky and it was all just a little too much for me today (PMS does NOT help the situation). So I got Claira into her coat despite her crying and fighting me - again - got my stuff and got her to Mama & Papa Taylor's. Whew!!!

I feel guilty whenever I drop her off and walk out of their house and breathe a sigh of relief... I feel like I'm a terrible mother for feeling that sense of relief that for even just a few hours I don't have to personally safeguard Claira's happiness and well-being... Today, I didn't feel so guilty...

So, the sun was shining brightly this morning and I took a more scenic route to work and it was really peaceful. Greg called and we chatted for a few minutes and it was really pleasant. And I got to work and opened my bottled key lime sparkling water beverage, which promptly exploded all over my desk... AND NO COFFEE!!!

Seriously, I could be a sitcom. The exploding poopy diapers I have had to change at home and abroad, the severe caffeine withdrawals and Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde mood changes that come with PMS, the identity crisis I suffer on occasion when being a good "wife" or "mom" feels impossible to attain, the giant attack spiders living in my basement. How about the peeing into a 44 0z cup in the back of a little airplane that had no bathroom and was copiloted by a Tom-Cruise-Top-Gun lookalike? If only I could laugh at myself while these things were happening. If only I could be flipping channels tonight at home and run across a sitcom showing MY life long after I've lived it - I could laugh at myself then. But today, I'm not laughing so much...

Real Beauty

2006-10-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

Today is my niece, Ashtyn's, 12th Birthday!!! I plan to call her tonight and wish her a happy one. I can't believe she is 12 - which inevitably means I am getting older... I talked with her one night last week for a few minutes and had this really fun "girly" conversation and I enjoyed it. I enjoy the time I get to spend with her. She is a sweet, funny, lovely, mature girl (I just couldn't bear to type "young lady" just yet - she's growing WAY too fast) and she & Claira really enjoy each other, too. (This is an old picture of Ashtyn & Claira, but it's one of my favorites...)

I sent an e-card to her today from a "Campaign for Real Beauty" website sponsored by Dove. Ashtyn is beautiful. She has incredible hair (naturally curly) and it is thick and healthy and she has beautiful eyes that are a remarkable color (can't quite describe them, in fact). She's got these freckles sprinkled on her cheeks that just "fit" her and she often wears her hair back with a bandana which is SOOOOO cute.

Dove website: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

My friend, Jenna, sent a link to me showing the rapid transformation of a model from the Dove website. It showed clear pictures of the model before & after makeup, as well as the "tricks" that were applied to her finished photo for the final ad. Wow - that put things into perspective.

It's a hard world to grow up in. There's enough pressure from the outside world to be attractive. Everyone (men included) is supposed to "Look" a certain way to be considered "attractive" but we all know that while the outside might look "perfect", it really does matter how a person looks on the inside. There is also that pressure on the inside. That ugly voice that starts, at some unnamed point along the way, that says I'm not worthy or attractive.

I can remember ALWAYS wanting to be different. Didn't matter how I looked, I just wanted to look different, which in my thinking meant "better." I still feel like that sometimes and have to fight off that sneering voice in my head. What a terribly unhealthy thing for me to do to myself. The truth is that weight matters only in relation to health. And even what some would describe as "healthy" requires unhealthy habits or behaviors to get there... I can remember a time in my life when I wasn't eating. I was emotionally stressed and lost my appetite and also rapidly lost significant weight. When people started commenting on how thin I was getting, I was THRILLED that people noticed and I thought it was a good thing. NOT A GOOD THING!!!

Changing the voice in my head to talk more kindly to myself about how I look is not easy, and anybody who deals with self-esteem issues knows this. But it's worth doing. What I think of myself affects every relationship I have. What I believe about myself guides my connection to others. It is important that I understand and accept that I am beautiful for who I am, and not what I am. I hope Ashtyn can grow up knowing that about herself. And I hope I can help Claira hear that kinder, loving voice inside herself above the clamor of society demanding that she be "perfect" in this imperfect world.

School Days

2006-10-23T11:49:00.000-05:00

So - I'm official. Financial Aid paperwork has been completed. I have registered for courses. Text books are on their way to me. Courses begin the week of January 1. I am really excited and looking forward to getting started!

Because I'm taking distance learning program, the courses break down differently. I'll be taking a History and Math course for 8 weeks beginning 1/1, then I take a Bible and Humanities course for 8 weeks beginning 2/26. I like the idea of being "full time" but only having to concentrate on 2 courses at a time. I may be taking a regular semester course at Ashland University during the spring semester, but Greg & I are talking through that idea... Yay!!!

I ended up transferring in 37.3 credits. Don't ask me how I got 3.3 credits anywhere, but it happened, and I'll take it thank you very much! Many transferred in as general electives, but some counted toward general ed & major requirements.

From start to finish, this has been "a God thing." I began searching out colleges out of curiousity and every step I took in this direction was just laid out for me. I struggled SO MUCH when I was in school before because I didn't know what direction I was going, but this has all fallen into place without any effort on my part. I feel like this is something for me to FINISH, but also feel like it's taking me to a different chapter in my life and I'm very excited!!!

I just love kids!

2006-10-18T07:44:00.000-05:00

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember anymore. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough"

D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt. Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon this Mom will never forget..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but, at that moment, my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

Mondays are hard

2006-10-16T15:31:00.000-05:00

Mondays are hard. I feel like my weekends FLY right on by and my "To Do" list just continues to grow... Some weekends I really push myself to "accomplish" something (anything) and some weekends I am just grateful for the things I can get taken care of...

So, the chickens are gone. I miss hearing the roosters. There were 16 eggs (only 2 of which appeared to be fertile), and the setting hen had one under her wing, so that was kinda sad for us. But they've gone to a farm setting and friend of my parents', so we'll be able to see them again when we visit my parents.

Claira is learning a few signs. My dad taught her "More" the few days he spent with us last week, and she's added "eat" and "poopy." (Yes, this IS a mommy blog. Deal with it.) I had been showing her some signs for awhile but she didnt' seem interested and began saying many words so I stopped. But when dad showed her the sign for "more" and she got a celebratory reaction, she was motivated to use the sign... She is learning "please" right now and used it correctly a few times yesterday. These are big steps - she can say many words, but some she either can't or won't, and using the signs is helpful to all of us. She's been spontaneously using them, and it has been fun. She is walking EVERYWHERE and rarely crawls anymore. She has discovered the kitchen cabinets & drawers, which have been left alone (for the most part) until she's started walking more. So, latches are being installed... She seems to prefer the big spoons & whisks most often... Maybe she'll be a chef. =)

Yes, fall is here. We had snow the other day. It looked like a blizzard outside. Melted when it hit the ground, but it was SO pretty. On one side of the building I looked out and saw "blizzard" and blue skies - that was very interesting. We're thankful we didn't get the 2 feet of snow that Buffalo, NY saw - but the cold weather is certainly on its way...

I had thought about commenting in great detail on the shootings at the Pennsylvania schoolhouse, but am going to remain brief on that. Suffice it to say that the horror mankind can afflict on one another is breathtaking sometimes, but in a fallen world it is to be expected... I think about what if that was Claira and how would I react, and immediately I have to surrender her to the Lord's care again because she belongs to Him. I do not say that flippantly or nonchalantly or without feeling. I can only imagine how those mothers felt and the imagining is excruciating enough...

Good News Update

2006-10-10T13:50:00.000-05:00

So, in the process of applying to Liberty University, a lot of really great things have happened. My financial aid paperwork is still under review, but I found out on Friday that 31 credit hours transferred from my courses I took in 1991-1992 at BBC! Two of them are Psych courses (my major) and 1 is a required English course. The others are all electives, which is just fine by me.

I just found out at lunchtime that the Chemistry class I took right after high school (in 1988 - and for those of you who are reading this that were born AFTER 1988, NO AGE WISECRACKS, please!) also transferred in 3 credits for a required science class! Woohoo!!! I've got another English Comp class I took just a few years ago that I hope will transfer in for the other required English course. It's getting exciting!!!

Good news or Bad news first???

2006-10-10T11:12:00.000-05:00

I always prefer the bad news first and the good news last so there is at LEAST a chance for swift recovery from the depths of despair...

BAD NEWS:
Has anyone seen "The Money Pit?" Okay - our house is a mini-version of that... My dad came down Sunday afternoon to spend a couple of nights helping Greg fix a leak in our basement - WHICH of course has turned into digging a 5-6 foot trench in the front of our house and the discovery of 2 leaks outside, resulting in mold problems on the inside... It is being fixed - but it will take some time to get the inside finished and the mold removed. Which will HELP us in the long run (allergies, etc.) but is a real PAIN for the guys to have to deal with.

GOOD NEWS:
Yesterday was a GORGEOUS day to get started on the project and allowed for a lot of work to be done. The concrete had a chance to dry out from the very wet-clay-dirt we have and they're working to patch it today. Also, the toilet seat was fixed and THAT is a blessing...

BAD NEWS:
Neighbor (someone who has caused some problems for Greg and his brother, Kevin before) complained about our rooster crowing and we have to get rid of all of the chickens. UGH! JUST after we find that a hen is setting on 8 eggs. Greg is really upset and I'm really sad. I don't spend much time around them, but I have actually become accustomed to and welcome the rooster crows in the mornings. Really. I enjoy them. I enjoyed the prospects of chicks and seeing what our little "flock" might produce...

GOOD NEWS:
We're giving them to one of my dad's friends who has a farm & land and other animals. We'll be able to see them again and find out just what kind of offspring will come from a splash silkie pullet (http://www.americansilkiebantamclub.org/silkiephotos-frame.htm - click on "Spoyld Silkies" to the left and you'll see a good shot of one in the middle 2nd row) and a red game cockerel (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Valley/5490/animals/rooster7.jpg). We'll have to wait and see what happens. The eggs may not survive the transfer, but if they do, I hope to take some pictures of the results. We will just wait until we have some land and then we'll have chickens to our heart's content!!!

GREAT NEWS:
Greg found my camera - it had fallen from the diaper bag (where I was sure I had put it) into a case of bottled water that we'd left in the car for a week. We have a filter pitcher, but decided to put the bottled water in the fridge to chill before my dad got here and they got to work. TA-DA!!! I was VERY happy to see it and immediately began taking pics of Claira (which I don't have with me today, but will update soon!)

Blogger Moms

2006-10-06T10:52:00.000-05:00

I've done some snooping around to see other blogs, just cuz I'm curious (aka Nosy) like that. I read one this morning that I could have almost written a few years ago. Single gal, in a job - no boyfriend of note, no kids. Sounds as if she has a good career and a fun one, at that. She was on a rant about a table of "mommies" who sat near her at a local bistro and ALL they could talk about were their children (can you imagine!) In essence, she was pretty darn angry and hugely critical of this conversation she overheard. Didn't these women have anything better to talk about? Didn't they have lives with value, meaning, & purpose outside their children? Could they not discuss something more lofty & high-minded and leave the "kiddie" talk for the soccer or ballet sidelines?

I am reminded of a time in my life several years ago - I was a single gal - with a good job - no boyfriend of note - no kids. And all of a sudden there was a MASS explosion of pregnancies & babies in the small office where I worked. 30+ employees, mostly female. We heard from one gal that she was expecting - and oh, wasn't that COOL! Wisps of pink & blue baby dust settled around the office...

Then, there was an unexpected announcement of a good friend who was pregnant - and found out that she was expecting twin girls! Yay - more pink baby dust!!!

And then, the very shocking announcement by a coworker who went to the emergency room with what we thought might be appendicitis, only to discover that she was pregnant with TRIPLETS. Nobody could believe her when she came back from the ER - everyone was in shock. She wasn't expecting to have babies, and here she is pregnant with triplets!!! (Boys - identical, red-headed boys!) Wow - what a crazy thing - I think I started choking on the baby dust! Maybe we should have stopped drinking the water...

Another coworker, who was trying to conceive for some time, was able to announce that she was pregnant - and later found out - with fraternal twins. (Okay - what are the odds? Any mathematicians out there?)

This was over a period of about 18 months. We're talking baby showers galore! How exciting for them. And frankly, it became quite expensive for me... Being the social butterfly I am, I knew almost all of these women pretty well, and loving babies so (and WANTING babies so) I could not possibly have avoided the baby showers... =)

So the babies began coming. Meanwhile, I started taking that look at my life and wondering what the heck was so valuable about a job that really just pushed paper. Yes, I occasionally processed health claims for people who had been quite ill and paid the checks to the hospital & physicians & radiologists & ambulances & home care nurses so the patients would not be hounded by collection agencies. I sometimes talked with employers, some of whom were genuinely concerned about their sick employees, and also about their bottom line and commiserated about the cost of health care and how grateful I could be that I had my health... But what was I doing that was going to matter in 10 years? 5 years? 6 months?

And the babies kept coming. SO sweet - so lovely - so beautiful... And I enjoyed holding each one and watching some of them grow. It eventually ended with the very FIRST mom telling us she was expecting again and having the LAST baby in this group!

Having come this far, where I am now a wife & mother, I understand a different take on life. What I do is not nearly as important as who I am. And, yes, I am in fact Greg's wife, and Claira's mom. That is part of who I am, but not ALL that I am. Some days it feels that all I am is a housekeeper or a poopy-diaper changer (you don't even WANT to know...) or a mediocre cook. But that's not WHO I am, it's just some of the things I do. And when others hear me talk about my family, especially my daughter, maybe sometimes they forget and think that all I am is a mom.

Who I am is a wife & mom. A daughter & sister. An aunt. A friend. A creative soul who doesn't give herself nearly enough credit for her accomplishments. Someone who prefers perfectionism to a fault, and is learning to relax & let go (slowly, but learning!) I am someone who gets goosebumps when I hear someone sing well The National Anthem. Who delights in holding a brand new baby (even someone else's) just simply for the joy of new life and the potential I can actually feel in my arms. Who cries at girly movies and even girly commercials. (sigh). Who shoots off at the mouth far too fast and far too often, but can still manage to stay in other's good graces... Who is way more emotional now, than ever. Who loves music, nature, beauty. Who really does like to play with makeup & haircolor & fingernail polish and all those "foofy" things. Who understands that while what I spend doing 8 hours a day at the job I love is valuable and important work, it is NOT nearly as important as the value of my husband & daughter, or my parents, or my brothers & their families, or extended family or good friends. I am someone who complains about having to do yet another load of dishes or another load of laundry, but who would rather have the dishes & laundry to do than to not have either my husband or daughter.

Isn't it possible that the four mommies this single gal overheard, had actually not seen each other in ages because they had been doing what a mom does? Is it possible that this was the first time the mommies had had a break from DOING what mommies do, and could finally revel in BEING a mommy and talking about the people in their lives that matter MOST to them? Isn't it possible that in the very end, in the very last breath that each person takes, the thought is NOT of "I wish I could still keep working at my job" but rather "I wish I could have more time with my family..." And isn't that a good thing?

Random Thoughts

2006-10-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

FIRST, I need to wish my brother, Dan, a belated 35th (NOT 55th) birthday on my blog. I didn't do it on Tuesday, when it was his birthday, and I want to correct that now. When I called Dan to wish him a happy birthday, he was eating Creamy Tacos, a Baker family favorite, and was expecting to finish the rest of his birthday cake with my parents later in the evening. Apparently, he had a very decadent chocolate cake that he couldn't stay out of and dug into about 30 minutes before his birthday technically began... That's okay - he was turning 35 and it was HIS birthday cake - more chocolate to ya, Dan!

Claira. Recap: On Friday, 9/22, Claira decided that it was time for her to walk. So, she stood up in the middle of the floor and toddled over to her daddy in his recliner. She then began to walk back & forth between Greg & I, to great pomp & circumstance, even looking over her shoulder if her efforts were not met with immediate applause. She even joined in the celebration (GOOD FOR HER!) Ever since, she's decided to walk more & more and we're really having fun...

Disaster struck during our Baker family get together in Lima over the weekend. No one died, but I LOST my digital camera. ARRRGGGHHHH!!! I cannot believe it. I've had the thing for 4 or 5 years, and on a family get together I lost track of it and it is long gone. I am rather upset about it, although I find that I am in some sort of major denial about it. I continue to act as if it is just going to turn up somewhere and everything will be fine... Yes, pictures of Claira on it. Pictures of my wedding dress that I was going to upload and put on ebay... The case & cords & base to the computer are at home - lonely, waiting for my camera to return... The Baker family get together was fun. The hotel we stayed at had a game area, so there was ping pong, air hockey, fuszball, and pool. And even a small plastic play gym for Caden & Claira. Claira, by the way, was in H-E-A-V-E-N because of all the little kids to play with. And when she saw that Caden was walking almost everywhere, she decided she could as well, and just randomly began walking into the middle of the family group. What fun!!!

Update on Grandpa King: He was moved to a Rehab facility for a few days, but has subsequently been moved to a nursing home. He seems to be doing well and mom has visited him a few times. He has good days & bad days and I know it's hard for him to be separated from his wife, Doreen, but they're taking it one day at a time right now.

Spiders. Can we talk about spiders? I have never had either a strong aversion to, or particular fondness for, spiders. I can remember playing with daddy-long-legs when I was little. I will even admit to pulling their legs off and watching them hobble around with only 3 or 4 legs. Okay PETA, I was just a small child... Anyway - I have generally been the "spider killer" wherever I have lived. Since just before Claira was born, I have developed this irrational reaction to creepy, crawly things - I cannot explain it other than to say "hormones?"

Spiders are one thing my husband does not at all particularly care for. So, I am still the spider killer... Just last week, when I saw, what appeared to me to be a "baby" tarantula in my basement, on top of the slacks I had just thrown downstairs 15 minutes earlier to be washed in the next load of laundry, I fa-REAKED out. I had to look more than once to realize that indeed, I was NOT hallucinating. And then I panicked.

Note: Just a few weekends ago, we had moved our "living" area from our basement back into our front living room. The basement has some renovations that need to be done, and the front room had been recently carpeted. Since Claira was still crawling mostly, and the basement floor is not carpeted, we thought we should move things around. Back to the spider. In the basement. Where only weeks before, my precious daughter had been crawling around on hands & knees. (HYSTERICAL SHRIEK!)

So, I yelled for Greg to give me a shoe while I'm literally trying to shake off the heebie-jeebies; Greg grabs Claira and stands at the top of the stairs watching while I slowly move back downstairs in an attempt to kill the large hulking beast that threatened my daughter, my family, and dare I say, the town of Crestline... This was the mother of all spiders (flashback to the end of "Arachnophobia".) As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I saw a movement to the right out of the corner of my eye. It was yet, another spider. Smaller, maybe half the size of the first. So here I am - 2 killer beasts on the loose in my basement... What do I do? Well, the smaller spider was closer, so I nailed it with the shoe. As I lifted the shoe off the floor, it fell off the shoe onto another part of the floor, and in slow motion, I saw the mother-of-all-spiders crawling back into the closet from whence it presumably came. The closet that all of my clothes - my work clothes - are hanging in... Take a minute. Consider what I just wrote...

So, to "scare" the mother-of-all-spiders, I beat the tar out of the already dead, much smaller spider. That showed her... At least, I haven't seen her since. But I imagine she is out there. Somewhere. Waiting to pounce...

FYI - I did research on spiders to see if I could find a picture that closely resembled her. This is what I found: http://www.marion.ohio-state.edu/spiderweb/SpiderPictures/Lycosidae/Hogna%20helluo.htm By the looks of things, it is quite possible that I disturbed a male and a female wolf spider... You betcha folks, I either ruined a romantic interlude, or simply liberated a now-widowed ~ and most likely pregnant ~ wolf spider...

How's THAT for a Halloween scare? My husband has since plugged in an electronic pest & insect repeller (?) which makes a rather reassuring soft whirring sound to me as I race through the basement to do laundry, and has pointed it directly at the closet on my behalf... No, I haven't moved my clothes yet. I can barely open the closet door for more than 10 seconds at a time, are you kidding me? I'm not going to disturb an expectant spider mother... For the record, I have not seen any spiders since, but did run (okay, maybe "sprint" is a better word - I'm not a runner) through one of those stringy web things this morning on my way into the laundry room to get a clean shirt for work. Shudder. Eeewwwwww!

What do you think?

2006-10-03T13:08:00.000-05:00

Arrrggghhh - I've fallen off the blog-wagon...

I'm taking a poll. What do you think of the following quote?:

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong. ~Abraham Lincoln

A Higher Calling

2006-09-19T15:21:00.000-05:00

Last night on my way home, I began listening to Twila Paris’ CD – Beyond a Dream. I noted the lyrics of a particular song, Rescue the Prisoner, that really hit me, because I had just read Isaiah 61:1-3 again before I left work for the day:

“1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
Because the LORD has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

I love these verses. I find great inspiration in them. The words in the song that are tied to these verses and moved me to tears are:
We are called to be a light
That even blinded eyes can see
To break the chains
To bind the wounds
And to proclaim the captive free
What powerful words in both the Scripture and the song lyrics. It does not say anywhere that there will be no pain or suffering or sadness, but rather that the Lord can trade those things for healing, comfort, and joy…

I love the first part if Isaiah 61:1 - The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me - What a confident calling and fulfilling purpose...

Let this mantle fall on me...

Rescue the Prisoner

2006-09-19T14:37:00.000-05:00

Song Lyrics from Twila Paris' 1993 Album: Beyond A Dream

See the insolent man standing on the street - Hear the thundering sound of rebellious feet
Demanding rights Defending wrong - It can bring the righteous blood to boil
And we ask, “Oh Lord, how long? - Oh Lord, how long?”
This is not the enemy, flesh and blood have been deceived
When we move beyond the anger
We will see

Chorus:
We’ve got to rescue the prisoner
Rescue the prisoner
Prisoner of war
That’s what He came here for
Rescue the prisoner
Rescue the prisoner

In the beautiful land, hear the rivers cry - See the innocent ones learning well a lie:
“There is no right There is no wrong” - It can almost make your blood run cold
And we pray, “Lord, make us strong - Lord, make us strong”
This is not the enemy, Jesus died to make them free
Love will reach behind the danger
Come with me

Chorus

We are called to be a light
That even blinded eyes can see
To break the chains
To bind the wounds
And to proclaim the captive free

Chorus repeat

I will comment further on this tomorrow...

Family Pictures

2006-09-18T14:23:00.000-05:00

Long time...

2006-09-13T11:25:00.000-05:00

It's been too long since I've been here - too much going on.

Grandpa King:
My Grandpa King suffered a stroke/brain hemorrhage last Friday and was taken to the hospital. At first, they gave him only days to live and the situation was very serious. When my mom got there, he was alert and eating his lunch. Since then, he's been put on 3 medications to reduce his very high blood pressure, and has been moved to a Rehab facility, where they hope to help him regain use of his left leg. The most recent CT scan did not show any additional bleeding or problems, and the doctor, while remaining very serious, seemed to indicate there was more to hope for than just a few days. Mom & her 3 brothers, Alan, Greg, & Terry, have all been there. Mom plans to be back home this evening.

9/11:
I thought all day about blogging on the subject of 9/11. It is really a very touching, emotional day for me and one I will always memorialize. It's not something I can fully put into words, even 5 years later, and I had memories of 9/11/01 throughout the day. The first person I could get ahold of outside the MedPay office was Greg, via email. The phone lines were down and I remember how reassuring it felt to connect with him, even when I couldn't connect with my family yet. I cannot watch the film footage of the 2nd plane hitting the tower - every time I see it starting, I turn my head or close my eyes because that image alone kept me awake for most of the 3 next days. It was several weeks before I really felt like I could sleep.

I'm a little ambivalent about seeing the recent movies related to 9/11. On one hand, I'm fascinated by the people involved, and on the other hand, I'm entirely horrified to consider reliving their last moments with them... Even seeing or hearing the ideas for the memorials at Ground Zero, the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania are a little unsettling. I can't believe it's been 5 years already.

Claira:
She is such a funny little kid. During the worship service Sunday morning, Claira was singing and swinging her arms and clapping. She was raising her hands above her head and twisting at the waist - she was getting "in the Spirit" and enjoyed the music service very much. Other folks were clapping but few raised their hands, so we're not sure what to think about our Pentecostal daughter. She is moving right along now. She took about 6 wobbly, unsteady steps alone last night at Mama Taylor's house. We all cheered and clapped, and then she cheered and clapped. She is very reserved in some ways about trying new things - but she's getting braver and wanting to walk (with help) more and more, and has just started wanting to walk without much help this week.

My brother Dave is spending the night at our house - he has job training (in Columbus or Mansfield or somewhere around here), so it'll be a short, but fun visit. He's done this a couple of times before and we've enjoyed visiting with him.

I should go - need to eat my lunch and get back to work...

Holiday Weekends

2006-09-04T11:54:00.000-05:00

I love holiday weekends - an extra day off - it seems to make a world of difference in my week.

Saturday, 9/2, we had the King family reunion in Pioneer, OH. Mom hosted her dad & 3 brothers and all of the families - we were able to use a large room at the VFW in town and it was a really nice get together. I don't get to se my cousins, Charity & Faith Ann, very often, so it was really great to be able to visit with them and their families, and everybody else. My brothers & their families were there, although Dave got called out to a grass fire just as they were arriving at the party (He's on the volunteer fire department in Pioneer).

Grandpa King turned 81 9/3, so we had a "Happy Birthday" theme. It was pretty exciting for him. My uncles bought him a CD player and re-recorded albums from his days singing in a gospel quartet, The Galileans. He was beside himself and sang loud & proud while they played. When the birthday ice cream cake arrived, so did one of Grandpa's old Navy buddies. They served together on the USS Intrepid during WWII in the South Pacific. It was quite a birthday surprise and they were able to visit and catch up.

Today, we had family pictures taken. Greg & I haven't had formal pictures taken since our wedding and we've had no professional ones of Claira since her birth. I've been taking tons of pics with my digital camera and they always seemed okay. Well, we made up for that today. We'll be getting a Photo CD and I can post pics online for everybody. Claira was nearly perfect - she likes having her picture taken and she liked the photographer today - she was a little ham, and we even changed outfits and she was happy as she could be!!!

We're having a cookout at Joe & Thelma's today, with Kev & Janice and the kids, Johnny (Ed's son) and the 3 of us. Emma & Kyle were in the Huck Finn fishing derby today - they do this every year. The kids use cane poles and win prizes, etc. Emma caught a 18" catfish and Kyle caught a 19" catfish! We haven't all been together for a meal in months, and it's nice to be able to have the time to share today.

All or Nothing...

2006-08-31T07:47:00.000-05:00

I am one of those "all-or-nothing" people. I always have been. I prefer black and white to the whole idea of a grayscale. I prefer Yes or No, not Maybe. I want everything, or I want nothing.
This is a pervasive part of Perfectionism. Perfectionism is my very worst quality. It pushes me to achieve the impossible, to strive for the unattainable, and to think the worst of myself when I "fail." It addes to my sense of frustration and unhappiness with life, when in reality, I have everything I always wanted. I don't want to teach my daughter this impossible way of living. I have to root it out of myself and learn to be a Mary-in-a-Martha-world.

Always learning. Always growing. This is what I get for asking God to build character in me... =)

Play Time

2006-08-29T14:39:00.000-05:00

Last night, Claira was in great spirits. She has finally come around back to being her old self after being sick, and was playing and laughing and having a good old time. She even slept ALL NIGHT LONG!!!

Greg likes to pretend to be asleep whenever she & I come home to him, and he'll pretend to be snoring and she loves to "wake" him up. While she was playing and walking around near the couch, I started to play pillow fight with her. After a few minutes, she put her head down on the couch pillow and pretended to "snore" while she was looking up at me smiling. It was a riot! She kept making that little "shhhewww" sound and grinned at me.

Later, she found her deflated punch balloon. Uncle Kevin brought it over to her from Kyle's birthday party that she missed because she was sick. She was playing with it, and stuck one end in her mouth and crawled over to me and sat back on her feet and looked up at me and kinda yelled "mmmmm" at me until I looked at her. I took it out of her mouth and threw it into the middle of the floor. So she turned around and crawled over to it, lowered herself to pick it up with her mouth and brought it back to me. She was playing "fetch" and after a couple of times, Greg got into it and she's pick it up and bring it to us. She'd sit back on her little feet and wait for us to throw it out again. I started petting her hair and telling her what a good puppy she was and barked "woof woof" at her. She "barked" back a little high pitched "woof woof" and proceeded to get the balloon again and bring it back to me.

Greg & I were in hysterics. We could not get over that - What a funny little thing she is.

She has started responding to questions with a head nod / "yes" or a shake / "no" which has been a lot of fun, too. She actually responds to "Do you want mommy to make you a bottle so you can go night-night?" with a yes and a head nod on a regular basis - and she means it. We enjoy this new level of communication with her. She certainly has a mind of her own and for the most part, does not just answer "yes" or "no" randomly.

She even took her few, first, faltering steps last night from daddy to me. WHAT FUN!!! She is growing so fast and I just enjoy each new stage (okay - not every stage: The whole pitching a fit while I change her clothes is not enjoyable) and really love being able to watch her become this real, little person. Kinda like the little boy and his Velveteen Rabbit, maybe???

Java Jo...

2006-08-28T08:46:00.000-05:00

Today, I am truly and honestly thankful to God for the wonder of creation. On my way into work this morning, I could see through the mist and light fog that the leaves have already begun to turn shades of orange, rust, and gold. I love Fall. I love it. I love the way the air begins to change. The humidity begins to recede. The heat begins to subside. I look forward to that “crisp” feeling and smell of the Fall air. I especially LOVE the Fall palette, and when it looks as if the trees are on fire with the sunlight, it is simply breathtaking.

I started my musings about Fall whilst drinking my favorite cup of coffee on my way to work – a Starbucks Venti Caramel White Chocolate Mocha. Aaaah – the beauty of coffee. I have been in love with coffee since I was a little girl. Not that I was allowed to drink it – I wasn’t. My early associates with coffee had to do with my Grandpa & Grandma King. They were always drinking coffee. When I would hug them, I could smell it on their breath, mingled with either their cologne or perfume, and it became a “warm fuzzy” memory for me. I was told that drinking coffee while I was young would “stunt my growth” but as I was not allowed to drink it, could someone explain to my why I stopped growing at 5’4”???

When I was old enough finally able to decide whether or not I liked coffee, I actually enjoyed it. I would mix hot chocolate with coffee and make a mocha. I didn’t realize that’s what it was called, but that’s essentially what it was. I can remember my first flavored cup of coffee I had with family & friends. Kathy Almacen made Chocolate Raspberry coffee while we watched Anne of Green Gables. Talk about perfection!!! I was in love. I was wooed by the smell of fresh brewed coffee laced with seemingly chocolate covered raspberries. And the taste – I thought for sure, this was something that would be served at a Heavenly Feast one day…

Through the years, I became quite an adventurer in the coffee world. I became especially fond of freshly ground coffee – and when my brother, Dan, bought me a manual coffee grinder – it was all over for me. I had read all of the “Little House on the Prairie” books when I was young and remembered that Laura had to resort to using their coffee grinder to grind wheat to make bread for her family. Somehow – holding a hand-cranked coffee grinder in my hands was also associated with a “warm fuzzy” from my love of reading during childhood.

As I would grind the beans, the aroma would explode out from the cup and the smell alone would lift my spirits. (Those Folgers commercials were never far off, were they?) And then I began visiting coffee shops. Oh the sheer, exquisite pleasure of walking into a shop and smelling fresh-brewed coffee. Ahhhh… The choices – the blends – the flavors – it was all a delight and I enjoyed nearly every sip and every cup.

When Barnes & Noble and Starbucks joined together – seriously. Let’s take a moment to consider this, shall we? Books: My childhood obsession. Coffee: My adult obsession. Can anyone say “Addict” here??? I was hooked. Forever. I walk into a Barnes & Noble and between the smell of the new (and old) books on the shelves, the coffee & pastries, and the sound of an espresso machine happily frothing hot milk – can you even IMAGINE how much more wonderful Heaven will be? (happy sigh.)

If anyone has been paying attention, they will notice that I considered the word “Addict” in relation to my love for coffee. You should note that my husband is specializing in Addiction therapy & recovery. Coincidence? I think so. For me, Coffee is a hobby. It’s something I enjoy. It relaxes me and reduces stress. Sure, I feel amazing when I drink it. Energized, even happier. But I can stop drinking it any time I want.

Really. I can.

I just don’t want to…

Sunday Stuff

2006-08-27T18:02:00.000-05:00

Well, Little Miss Claira is pretty well back to her old self. As "old" as she is. She had a rough couple of times this week - but is recuperating rather well.

She's started responding with head nods and "yeah" or shaking head and "no" to questions we ask. THAT is a lot of fun. Sometimes we laugh at the absurdity of her response - but sometimes we laugh because we also KNOW we're in big trouble if she can already express her mind and desire so very clearly. She has decided that she doesn't like taking naps anymore (at least not for Mommy) and she fights off sleep. This is a new, rather distressing, thing for mommy. See my previous note on "sleep deprivation..."

Greg is in the final leg of taking his Masters Degree program in Pastoral Clinical Counseling. He has 1 required course remaining and plans to take 1 other class along the way. It will be over in December - WOOHOO!!! He has worked really hard and has pretty well stayed on track with his timeline. I'm really proud of him. Some of these courses have been incredibly intense, and even though we've had to work to arrange and rearrange our schedules, he's maintained a really good GPA and will be able to graduate in December. Whew!!! He begins a counseling internship north of Columbus at a center that specializes in Addiction Recovery. He is very excited, somewhat nervous, and looking forward to actually putting into practice everything he's learned.

Meanwhile, because I don't have enough going on in my life, I'm starting to investigate the distance learning courses offered at Liberty University. One of the benefits of my job is being able, with my supervisor's permission, to take one free course at the university each semester. I am hoping to enroll at Ashland University in Spring 2007 and go from there. I don't want to overextend myself, but I do want that intellectual challenge. The English Comp class I took a few years ago in Springfield really pushed me and I feel like I'm actually at a place where I'm ready for college. How funny is that? 36 years old, married, a mother to a 1 year old - and NOW I think I'm ready for college...

I have a variety of options to consider and haven't formally applied, but Greg is completely supportive and encouraging me to move forward with this. I love that... I appreciate that... I've already spoken with an enrollment specialist at LU and am reviewing the programs to figure out how it all works...

I am... that is, We are, praying about it, that is certain. But I also feel a fresh calling to work with women in a ministry of recovery & restoration. What that means exactly, is not clear, but then - I just have to pray and trust and MOVE when He says, "Go," don't I???

The Mouths of Babes

2006-08-23T15:43:00.000-05:00

Biting. It has begun.

It started this past weekend with Claira having to take antibiotics that she did not like to taste and the attempt to bite my arm as I held her tight to give it to her. She never put much pressure on my skin as she placed her teeth there, but the thought was certainly there.

Greg called me on his way home from work today. Said he talked to his mom and that Claira had bit her cousin Emma. Hard. Enough to take some skin. Greg responded by saying, "Well, I'm just going to have to whoop Claira, then" and he and his mom continued to talk.

A couple of minutes later, Emma decided that Claira should not get a whoopin' because she thinks Claira was just getting back at her because she had been "biting on (nibbling & tickling) Claira's toes a couple of weeks ago"... Literally, out of the mouths of babes...

Sleep Deprivation

2006-08-23T08:27:00.000-05:00

Sleep Deprivation is a terrible thing. I used to be a fairly sound sleeper, but anymore, I've always got at least one ear "on call" during the night for Claira and tend not to sleep as well as I used to. I tend to also worry and fret and my mind spins with problems of the day - something I am struggling to let go of. (Okay, no comments here about how aging affects sleeplessness, please!!!)

I'm finding that, for me, sleep deprivation can become a serious problem. When I become fatigued from the lack of rest, REAL rest, I become this crazy person who can't think straight, cannot focus, my imaginations tend to run on the wild side, and my attitude? Well, let's just say that my attitude quickly moves onto a sliding scale that has been greased with WD-40! Insomnia becomes a vicious cycle being spurned on by tension, stress, and anxiety which are only enhanced by fatigue...

I've subjected myself to reducing the amount of caffeine I drink daily. It doesn't mean I have elminated Starbucks (I'm not THAT crazy), but on most days I try to stop drinking anything caffeinated past 3:00 pm in order for my body to process it out so I can actually rest when I climb into bed. Now, last night, I made the mistake of drinking a diet Pepsi Jazz (strawberries & cream- MMMM!) with dinner and at 11:00 I was still tossing and turning in bed, unable to quiet my thoughts and settle my body to rest. So I got up, heated up a mug of milk and honey and was soon drifting off into dreamland. For the first night in a LONG time, I actually slept ALL NIGHT LONG. I didn't wake up once. Greg, who sleeps very soundly, even if I have to climb over him to get to Claira, asked me this morning if Maddie had cried during the night. I said I had no idea because I slept all night. What a BLESSING that was.

I was telling our student worker, Amy, and her boyfriend, Andrew, about my drinking milk and honey and Andrew commented on the "milk and honey" part. It got me to thinking about the "Land flowing with Milk and Honey" that the Lord promised to the children of Israel, and we kinda laughed about how ironic that was. Maybe there is more to the idea of milk and honey than I've ever given it thought. When I was little, I always had this picture in my head of this shiny, syrupy, milky river flowing through the land that God had promised - that's how I pictured it. But last night, I feel like I got a glimpse of the meaning behind the "milk & honey" that God was promising: REST.

Milk contains calcium and tryptophan, both of which encourage sleep. Honey is a complex carbohydrate which is calming and also encourages that feeling of sleepiness (think Thanksgiving Day dinner!) While the land that the Israelites crossed over into was NOT sticky with a milky river, it WAS intended to be a place of rest. And isn't it just like God to make reference to something so practical and readily available to draw a picture for us of what He wants to give to us...

My Baby!

2006-08-22T14:55:00.000-05:00

I wasn't sure I wanted to post this because I know moms have had sick kids at one time or another throughout the span of time, but this is about MY baby girl...

As I was driving home from the WOF conference (previous post), Greg called and said Claira was running a fever. =( I got home Saturday evening - she felt pretty warm but didn't wake up enough for us to take her temp or try to get Tylenol into her again, so she went down to bed. Sunday morning, when she got up, she was pretty warm and I knew we were in for it.

Now this is Claira's first real illness and it required a visit to the E.R. She had a fever (101.4), wasn't wanting to eat or drink, was clingy & restless, and even her little voice sounded hoarse. Kyle & Emma had been to the dr on Thursday - Kyle had strep, Emma had a cold. I completely understand the realities of trying to keep kids apart who are sick but who LOVE each other to death. Claira wants to be all over them whenever she sees them and Mama Taylor had her hands full!!!

So the dr checked her out - of course, her temp at the ER was normal - but he saw her throat and said it was red and looked infected, SO she's on antibiotics for 10 days, and tylenol/motrin and popsicles as needed.

I'll tell ya, when her temp popped up to 101.9, and I put her in a warm bath to help cool her off. She loves her bath time, and she was almost instantly whining and crying and her little body was shaking and THAT was that moment when, as a mom, I wanted to trade places with her and have her be well and me be sick. The water was warm - I kept feeling it thinking I had made it more "luke" than "warm" but it was the fever. So we wrapped her up in towels and Greg cuddled her close while I fed her a popsicle and she just kept trying to jabber and was still shaking and her voice quivered - I just wanted to BAWL!!!

Note: This was in the same week that she (finally) fell off the bed and bumped her head. I knew the day was coming, and as far as I'm concerned, it does not have to happen again. Now, Claira is a fairly cautious baby when it comes to the edge of things. She has learned to back herself down off a couch and down the stairs and moves slowly and takes her time. I was in the bathroom - I heard Greg holler - followed by a loud "crack" I'd been dreading since she was born - and instantly a high-pitched SCREAM! She & daddy were playing and apparently she turned the wrong direction and backwards off the bed she went. I walked in to see Greg about as pale as I've ever seen him holding her and Claira was just screaming. All of a sudden it was all I could do to keep from wrenching her out of his hands. It wasn't Greg's fault - I did not blame him at all - it was just an accident that happened. But it was the first time I felt what I would describe as an "animal" instinct that nearly took over my body and I just wanted her in my arms so I could see if she was okay. Thankfully, he just let me take her when I reached for her and I was able to calm her just a tad.

I checked to see if she'd bitten her tongue or lip - no blood - just a bump on the back of the head. After about 10 minutes she seemed to be crying cuz she was just MAD more than hurt, and she'd let up for a few seconds and then start all over. I checked her eyes and they were fine - pupils matched and were reactive to light. We just sorta held each other tight and she fell asleep after crying for about 20 minutes. We woke her up - she woke right up and wanted to eat with us and get down and play. Greg's parents came over to check her out (this was OUR first major injury experience with her - although she'd slipped between the bed & the wall once, and had rolled off the couch onto the carpet once when she was much smaller) and they seemed to think she was okay, too. She didn't even have a bruise to show for it.

Whew!!! These are the times that will probably remain imbedded in my brain forever that I don't want to remember. They are balanced by the times she first said, "Mama", "Daddy", etc., takes her first steps alone or tries to say "I Love You" the first time (which she also attempted this weekend...)

Women of Faith Conference

2006-08-22T09:57:00.000-05:00

I should preface this blog with this note: This was my first time away from Claira since she was born, except for 1 night when she stayed at my parent's while Greg & I celebrated our anniversary. I should probably add that the hotel Greg & I stayed at was 15 minutes away from my folks' house.

My mom & I attended the WOF conference in Ft Wayne this past weekend. We were able to attend the Pre-conference, All Cracked-Up, on Friday. The speakers were Sandi Patty and Patsy Claremont. See the link on the right for more info - I'm SO totally looking to go again in 2007!!!

I have to establish here and now that Sandi Patty will forever be my all time favorite musical artist EVER. My mom & I attended several of her concerts while I was growing up - I have owned various albums and recordings of hers, and mom told me she'd read her autobiography recently - so I was very excited to know Sandi would be a featured speaker over the weekend. I call her Sandi like she's one of my girlfriends... I was hoping she would sing a song or two while speaking, and she ended up giving us a mini-concert. I was BESIDE MYSELF! She rocks like nobody else anywhere! After hearing her testimony and life story - especially being a fan of hers for as long as I have been - I was reminded once again of just how much God loves each and every one of us just as we are.

Patsy Claremont was a very pleasant surprise. I had pictured her in a very different way and on stage bounced this spritely, spunky little elf of a gal who could be both hysterically funny and incredibly poignant all at once. She had us rolling with laughter until our sides hurt. She told the story of Gideon (Judges 6-7) and how God used "cracked pots" to bring a victory when Gideon and 300 men faced a seemingly invincible enemy army. All good reminders that no matter who we are, what we have or have not done - if God calls us we can count on Him to equip us. Doesn't mean it will be easy or without trouble - but if 300 men armed with trumpets, torches and clay pots can assist in decimating an enemy...

This fits in perfectly with the whole - "Am I a good wife/mom?" question I ask of myself all the time. Feeling guilty for working outside the home (and enjoying it) - getting weary & frustrated with endless piles of laundry, dishes, diapers, bottles - not staying caught up with journaling the memories of Claira's life, let alone Greg's & mine - not staying in touch with dear friends - did I mention piles of laundry, dishes, etc.? - losing my temper when I am asked to do just one more thing for one more person, even when it is my husband Greg asking for something simple... I am reminded that it's not about being perfect (I should have to write this 100 times on a blackboard every day, I think) - and that the weariness of soul and body I feel can actually be met by abiding in Christ. So how does one go about doing that? I think I am just beginning to learn.

I've just started reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" and I'm not even through Chapter 1 yet, and already the idealistic, perfectionistic picture of myself and my world that I've taken is being directly attacked by the story of Mary & Martha. I am definitely a Martha - scurrying to DO and not to just BE. Bless my family's hearts - I stress myself out with ideas and notions that have nothing to do with BEING a good wife & mom. Hopefully, I learn (not just from the daily grind of things) to let go and relax and just BE. It sounds perfectly lovely.

I saw a plaque at my Aunt Vicky's house that has one of my all-time favorite Bible verses on it and I think I AM going to remind myself of this every day with a well-placed note in my bathroom. I memorized this verse as a little girl and need the reminder:

Psalm 46:10a - Be Still and know that I am God.

That's it. That's what he says to do. Just two things. Be still (not easy for someone whose name means "honeybee" and lives according to the "Flight of the Bumblebee" soundtrack). Know that HE is God. Not just God - but the "I Am" God.

More to come...

Happy Birthday, Daddy

2006-08-11T14:07:00.000-05:00

Today is my dad's birthday. I'm not sure how old he is this year (58?), but it's fun having a daughter to celebrate a birthday with and a father to celebrate a birthday with all in the same week. I won't get to see him for a few weeks, but still want him to know how much I love him.

I inherited my sharp wit from my dad. My strong chin also comes from his side of the family, along with my fair skin and the red highlights in my hair which have now faded into the gray... ugh. Claira inherited the shape of his eyes - and very often Greg or I will comment on the "Papa Baker" look she has just delivered to one of us.

He's a good man. I love him and I am proud of him. Happy Birthday, Daddy!

I'm Baaa-aaack

2006-08-11T11:52:00.000-05:00

Hello All - I am back. Finally.

Summer was INCREDIBLY busy at work and as things have started easing up, I've been putting my mind more and more to my blog. I've barely had time to think about it until this week, and as things have been wrapped up at work, I've been considering what I should post.
For today - it will mostly be pictures from her birthday party on Sunday, 8/6.

Claira really enjoyed her birthday and having a fun time with (most of) her cousins. We think she looks beautiful in pink, whether it's a swimsuit or frosting. =)

The picture below is from Wednesday morning just before I dropped her off at Greg's mom's house for the day. She's wearing an outfit she got on her birthday from Uncle Kevin, Aunt Janice, Emma & Kyle. She is growing too quickly. She loves to stand alone, tries to take steps, jabbers endlessly, shows her temper occasionally, and loves to give hugs & kisses. We are so very blessed...

A Wee Babe

2006-07-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

Claira got an early birthday present this weekend. Greg & I have been talking about getting a dog for her while she was still young that she could grow up with and have as a pet, buddy, companion, friend. We have sorta been looking around for awhile - checking into breeds, visiting pet stores (one of our weekend jaunts) and trying NOT to spontaneously combust while perusing & petting the many sweet little pups out there. We finally found her - a Boston Terrier born May 2.

So we packed up the car on Saturday and headed down to see her. Greg got Yahoo! driving directions which took us through some mighty scary territory (he said it was scarier than parts of Kentucky he's been in...) and as we wound our way deeper & deeper into what appeared to be the middle of nowhere, we finally found the place.

Yep - she's just a cutie pie - the tiniest little thing - and funny. She bounces & jumps when she runs (tigger-like), she snorts and rolls over when she gets to running too fast (clown-like) and she LOVES to cuddle (baby-like). Claira is both overwhelmed & excited to see her and to play with her. We named her Madison Louise (I don't know why the Louise, it just sounds like a good name to add and she has to have a middle name - especially when we have to yell "Madison Louise!"). We may change the spelling, but we call her "Maddie" for now. She has a kennel-crate and a pen so she has her own place downstairs.

She is learning to paper train and we hope to get her litter box trained since she will only be about 15 lbs at the maximum, and will make "potty-breaks" easier for all of us whenever it is frigid or sweltering outside. She only yelped the first night when we had her sleeping in her crate, but now that she's set up with her crate inside a pen and can come & go as she pleases, she's more content.

We're glad to have her in our family and to have a playmate & friend for Claira!

Garden Photos

2006-07-07T14:51:00.000-05:00

Garden - 7 days after planting - Radishes

Garden - 14days after planting - Tomatoes & Cucumbers

Garden 21 days after planting
Top to bottom:
Zucchini
Radishes, carrots, lettuce
Green Beans
Cucumbers, Tomato (sweet gold (l) and sweet 100 (r) Plants

I am on Hiatus

2006-06-22T11:04:00.000-05:00

I am currently on a temporary hiatus from blogging. Summer season for my job is the busiest time of all. I would normally be assisting my boss with summer programs, but have been asked to handle much more of the responsibility this summer.

I will have pictures to post from time to time, and hopefully once this first week of summer programs is done, things will settle down somewhat.

Until then, peace out!

Pictures II - The Chickens

2006-06-16T07:55:00.000-05:00

Chicken Coop

The Flock

Golden Sebright (left) and Buff Cochin (right)

Queen Victoria

Pictures - Part I - Caden's birthday

2006-06-16T07:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Mikhael

2006-06-12T09:38:00.000-05:00

I got to call Mikhael and wish him happy birthday for the first time. He is 18 years old today. I spent a lot of time yesterday & today thinking about many of the moments before & after he was born. He was born at 5:20 am on Sunday - he weighed 8 lbs 5 oz and was 19.5" long. Perfectly gorgeous. I called & chatted with him while he spent the weekend in Dallas with his mom, visiting his Aunt Kim, and stocking up on WAKEBOARD gear... (For more info, visit: http://www.prowakeboardtour.com/index.jsp )

Seeing him a few weeks ago - practically all grown up and getting ready to enter adulthood - hugging him. Once again, I was living a dream come true. It's not often a person gets to do that, and even as it was happening, there were moments that felt too good to be real.

But real it was, and real it is. I almost feel like the Velveteen Rabbit, now...

Mikhael - Happy Birthday. I am so glad you were born and so honored to have been the one who brought you into the world. I am so blessed to have watched you grow up (thank you, Cyndi!) and am grateful for the opportunity to get to know. I pray for your good health and safety. I pray that God blesses you each and every day and that you have a sense of knowing just how wonderful and special you are. I love you so much.

Happy Birthday, Caden

2006-06-09T11:52:00.000-05:00

Today, David's youngest child, Caden, turns 1. Happy Birthday, Buddy!

Caden is a pretty happy little fella and will have his birthday party tomorrow. Dave & Lyn's tradition for first birthdays includes the child's own cake which they get to demolish at will. This picture is from Christmas - I don't have any recent pictures of him right now, so I will try to post some birthday pics tomorrow if I can.

Claira has been rough on previous visits with Caden (pulling his hair and making him cry) and hopefully will be nicer to him for his birthday... She plays pretty rough with her daddy (you should see her pull Greg's hair - oh my word!) She is testing her new biting skills, and also her kissing skills, so we'll see what she decides to give Caden for his first birthday. Hopefully it will be the nicer option, so in a couple of months when SHE turns 1, he can return the favor...

Down On The Farm

2006-06-07T07:38:00.000-05:00

Greg, Claira & I went to an outdoor flea market near Kimmell, Indiana this past weekend. We had visited the flea market in Hillsdale, MI on a previous visit to my parents' house. The Hillsdale market is great - lots of vendors, and several animal barns which we all enjoyed. Greg found the flyer for the Indiana flea market posted at a Hillsdale board.

The Indiana flea market is set up on 34 acres. Once we finally found the place (directions were kinda sketchy), we made our way to the parking area and got a spot fairly close to the market. We had Claira strapped into her little Winnie-the-Pooh stroller with her pink hat and apple juice, slathered up with sunscreen/bug spray, and away we went. (She started humming as we pushed her around so she could hear her voice break and jump with every bump & hole.)

We were both surprised by the size and variety of the market. We saw plants & trees, jewelry & art, baked goods, jams & jellies, household goods, and just about every kind of farm animal or pet you could buy. There were spiders & snakes (which our soon-to-be-4-year-old-nephew, Kyle, has already requested for his birthday. And if we can't get him a snake, he wants another snake!). There were guinea hens. Peacocks. Doves. Pigeons. Pigs. Chickens. Goats. Miniature Donkeys. Puppies of all shapes & sizes. It was AMAZING.

We visited several booths and saw one that had a lot of little seedling trees. Greg & his dad have been planting several little seedling trees in our back yard in the past year, but this particular vendor had corkscrew willows, which I really like. We looked, but kept on going since we were still early in our visit. We skipped many of the booths - some of the vendors were a bit scary looking...

[I should give you a background on our history of pets/animals: I came to Ohio with Macks, my apricot miniature poodle. Because of Greg's & my work schedules, he was left alone at home all day and it was too much for him so he went back to Missouri to live with my friend, Wendy & Molli, his favorite play buddy. We got 6 ducklings - while Macks was still around - from TSC (Tractor Supply Company) in Mansfield. We kept the ducklings in the house for as long as we could - which was a great experiment and enjoyable for me. Two of them became nesting pairs and are now living happily on a farm in Michigan. Shortly after Macks went to Missouri, Greg found a tiny little kitten in the middle of the road, whose entire family had already been run over by cars, and he brought her home. I did NOT welcome her arrival immediately, but she was so tiny that I ended up driving in with her to work, keeping her in the vented car all day, and feeding her kitten formula and soft foods for about 10 days. We named her Sadie and she's been a family member ever since. Then we had 3 rats - which was supposed to be 1 rat for Greg's niece, Emma, to come visit and take care of - which soon turned into about 36 rats. We were able to get rid of the final 3 (you don't want to know how we went from 36 to 3) before Claira was born. I can handle mice - in a cage - but rats are NOT my thing. The babies were cute and all, but then they get bigger... We even started looking for property & houses this year, looking for a few acres of land that we could have our animals on. We would really love to have goats (or at least one goat), chickens, dogs, and other assorted critters. But after some looking, discussion and consideration, we refocused, and will work to get our house in good shape and put it on the market and THEN we can get our land and build our hobby farm...]

Anyway... We looked at a wide variety of chickens, doves, and pigeons. Greg has been talking about having chickens or pigeons since we've been married. He is always telling stories about the animals he & his brothers grew up with, and how much he really wants to have animals around for Claira. I tend to agree with him.

Greg said I should go back and get 3 of the willow trees to plant (yay!) and we walked around awhile longer, and then we decided to go. We started walking to the car and Greg said, "Let's go up this one row," so we did. And there they were. Pigeons & chickens galore. We started looking and Greg was asking how much they wanted for these pigeons and those chickens. We saw this one cage with bantam chicklets (that's what I now call baby chick that are starting to get their feathers). They were $1 a piece. $1!!! So I said, "Greg, seriously - they're only $1." I was all for getting a couple of chickens for us to take care of. I saw a silver-colored one that I thought was beautiful, so that's the one Greg started with.

We walked away with 10 CHICKLETS! We think we have 3 golden sebrights, 2 silver duckwings, a white/buff colored one we can't identify yet, a black silkie - who I've named Queenie and she is my "baby" - a buff brahma or buff cochin, and 2 quail or cornish bantams. You can find pictures of these types of chickens at: http://www.mcmurrayhatchery.com/category/bantams_chicks.html . I have actual pictures, but my lithium batteries died and I can't transfer the pics until I get new ones. =)

So, with our new garden (pictures to come), our new trees and the Chicklets, we are creating our own little farm right in our back yard. We have a chicken house to build, a garden to tend, rooms to paint and remodel - we've got plenty of home projects to work on while little Claira keeps growing like a weed and looking at her parents like she thinks we're crazy...

Isn't This Amazing!?!

2006-06-06T14:12:00.000-05:00

I couldn't help but post this picture. I have it as my desktop background. I was going through my pics again, and found this one and it made me smile...

Hoops & Yoyo

2006-06-05T13:07:00.000-05:00

I got an e-card from my coworker, Susan, today that featured "Hoops & Yoyo" from hallmark.com. If you've never seen these characters and feel the need to be silly - or especially if you DON'T feel the need to be silly - you should check out their site. They are animated little guys that absolutely CRACKED me up today when I really needed it. Make sure your volume is on!!! Be sure to visit the animated series link on their homepage. You can find it on this link

Hoops and Yoyo

A Tale of Two Cities

2006-05-31T14:24:00.000-05:00

I have had several people ask me for so many details about our visit with Mikhael, and I am trying to rack my brain to figure out how to put everything into words. I will do my best, though, to try to walk through the weekend for you and share a lot of the great memories that we now have. I also plan to make 2 coordinating scrapbooks - one for Mikhael, and one for Claira - just for this visit, and hope that I can do it all justice...

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

2006-05-31T13:26:00.000-05:00

Bubba & his baby sister

the Princess

Darrel, Izac, Mikhael, Claira, Cyndi

Greg, Mikhael, Claira, me

Splash Time

Who is related here???

Sleepy Beauty?

Sleeping Beauty!

Such a sweetheart!

Many Thanks

2006-05-30T11:11:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a truly fantastic weekend we had with Mikhael and his family in Louisiana. I cannot put into words what it was like to wrap my arms around Mikhael for the first time and to feel him hug me back. Hard. To hear him talk and laugh and see him smile. I didn't want to overwhelm him, but by the end of the trip, I was just hugging on him on a regular basis and told him I had to get them in while I could. Thankfully, he obliged me.

We want to thank Cyndi & Darrel for making our stay SO entirely comfortable. The food & hospitality was so wonderful. It was really nice to reminisce with Cyndi. She & I shared a very remarkable experience and we each remembered things the other had forgotten, and shared things that the other didn't know. To remember Mikhael as a newborn and the week I got to spend with him & his parents, and to see him again - now at 17, almost 18 - was a very surreal experience, and one I will be grateful for a long time.

I also want to thank Greg very much for helping make this weekend happen. He was willing to go to a new place and meet new people, including my "firstborn child" as he called Mikhael, and share our daughter together with him. Greg said he wanted Claira to get to know her big brother and that they should have a relationship if they want it. He was very sweet & understanding and would ask me how I was feeling throughout the weekend. When Mikhael introduced us to his girlfriend, Ashley, he introduced me as his mom Debbie, Claira as his sister, and Greg as his dad. He even referred to Greg as "Dad" several times. Talk about a "blended" family!

I am grateful that Mikhael wanted to meet me and get to know me. He is SUCH a good kid. He has such a big heart and a good soul. He has a terrific sense of humor, is so loving & affectionate, and on some level, it was as if we simply picked up where we left off. In some ways, it did not feel like 18 years have come & gone. Because Cyndi kept me updated with pictures and letters, I was able to get to know Mikhael. And now Mikhael wants to get to know me. Of all the good things in my life, this is right up there in the top.

Lastly, I want to thank God. He gave me the strength to give Mikhael to someone else to raise. He assured me in so many ways that I could trust Him in guiding me to the parents who would raise my son in a loving home with the knowledge of God. That I was included in any way, is as Cyndi says, "a God Thing," and there is no other way to explain it.

It's all good.

Monday, Monday...

2006-05-29T09:05:00.000-05:00

This has been a great weekend. Mikhael and I got to have some time talking last night and it was really great. He has really enjoyed hearing how he is like so-and-so in my family, and where he got some of his traits & characteristics. He is a Starbucks fiend, has a sarcastic sense of humor, keeps reminding me he is taller than me (which both of my brothers used to do on a regular basis), and when he was rounding out of the kitchen as I was walking into it this morning, I had that distinct feeling again that I was looking into a mirror.

I am VERY blessed to have been a part of Mikhael's life, even from a distance. And now that I have been invited to share it up close & personal, I feel grateful & humbled & honored. I also have a husband who has been very supportive and loving and has been a strength for me. Now we have a daughter, who can grow up and know her big brother because of the generosity of several hearts.

We are already discussing our next visit and when we can get together again. Mikhael would really like to meet my family, and I hope it is something we can all work out.

I love Mikhael Shane so much, and feel almost like we were never apart in some ways. I am glad he was willing to meet me and wants me to be part of his life. Cyndi & Darrel have been so hospitable and warm and welcoming, and well, Southern. I think I've gained 7 or 8 lbs and enjoyed every second of it. =) We can't hug enough, we can't share enough. I am very blessed.

It's time to head to the airport, so I will sign off now. I thank God for what He has given me.

Very Happy Mama!

2006-05-27T19:28:00.000-05:00

After having a FANTASTIC fish fry (with hush puppies, onion rings, homemade lime bread & butter pickles, etc.) with chocolate covered strawberries, cream cheese pound cake and homemade vanilla ice cream for dessert (yeah, I'm gaining weight by the minute), we got to go out and play in the pool. That was GREAT. The pool was a perfect 86 degrees (which was noticeably cooler than the air) and Claira stayed in until she was pruney. We had splash fights and got more pics, but don't have them uploaded yet. Greg was even coaxed in and we all had a great time. Cl;aira just splashed and kicked and squealed - she got water in her face, and for the most part, enjoyed every minute being out there.

Mikhael is pretty darn huggable. We talked about a lot of his traits, characteristics, and mannerisms and even shared the similarities in behavior between Claira & Mikhael as a baby. I think he got a big kick out of that. I can certainly see a lot of Baker in him. From being allergic to mosquitoes (I know what misery that is) to certain hand movements & facial expressions while he talks (seriously, if he had a shaved head and a goatee, I would swear he was my brother, David) - there is no denying that the Baker genes are alive & kicking... I can't stop hugging him- and Claira is quite comfortable with him and his entire family. Greg has been so sweet and for being a generally reserved, quiet kind of guy, he has been very warm, friendly, and funny.

I need to go, but wanted to drop another post today. This visit has been a long-held dream in my heart, and when you realize you are living a dream come true, you have to enjoy every second of it!!!

In the Deep South

2006-05-27T12:27:00.000-05:00

We arrived in Jackson, MS, last night at @ 6:00 pm. Greg, Claira & I made our way to the baggage claim where we were to meet Cyndi & Mikhael. Just as the bags started coming around on the turnstyle, I looked out the door and saw Cyndi walking in. We both smiled GREAT BIG smiles and hugged for awhile. Mikhael was out in the van (Ugh - he can drive - I've sprouted about 50 new gray hairs from the stories...) and once Greg & Claira were introduced, & our bags were collected, we headed out to the van.

Mikhael came around to the back of the van and I could NOT help but hug him. He's about 5'8" and perfect for hugging. I was SO thrilled to see him and thanked him for wanting to meet me and gushed about how cute he is. I couldn't help it. Claira went right to Cyndi, but even when Greg introduced Mikhael to his "little sister," she was hesitant to go to him. She would grin and hid her face - and just about every time he wasn't looking at her, she would smile a great big smile at him.

We had dinner together at Cracker Barrel and when Claira saw Mikhael's large class ring, she was hooked. She is a jewelry girl (it's in her genes), and once she got to play with his ring, she started warming up to him. We had a long ride from the airport, so we had a lot of time to talk. This is when Mikhael shared his many driving experiences, some of which were seriously hair raising. I'm not sure I could survive raising a boy. =)

Once we got to Mikhael's house, met Cyndi's husband, Darrel, and got settled in a bit, Mikhael finally got to hold Claira and I think they both enjoyed it. I know I certainly did. There will be plenty of stories, and many more pictures.

Cyndi's parents and her brother, Ronnie, & his family are all here. We're having a big fish fry and will spend some time in the backyard pool. Mikhael is cooking dinner tonight (grilling steaks if I understood correctly), and the time is already flying by SO QUICKLY!!!

I can see a lot of myself in Mikhael - I can also see a lot of his father. What's really funny, is that I can see a lot of my brother, Dave, in Mikhael, too. He has a lot of the same mannerisms & gestures Dave has. I will share more of these specifics tomorrow. Claira is finally napping (thank you, Jesus!!!) and we're getting ready to share some really great food. We haven't even dragged out the picture albums yet, but you can be sure that we will.

Count Down...

2006-05-25T14:14:00.000-05:00

In less than 24 hours, Greg, Claira & I will be on our way to Louisiana! I'm actually starting to relax and get VERY excited to see Mikhael and his family. He & Cyndi will meet us at the airport. I will be sure to post pictures as soon as I can to keep you up to date.

This will NOT be the first airplane trip Greg & I have taken together, although . We flew to Springfield, MO, one year ago for a baby shower held by my former coworkers at MedPay. (Hello, everybody!) I was pregnant at the time, and actually got pulled aside and searched on our way out of Springfield. I was pretty concerned when they were waving that hand held sensor around my pregnant belly, but Claira turned out just fine, so NO worries!

She did, however, keep us up until 2 am this morning. Neither one of us could determine the cause of her apparent misery, but she finally konked out and we were all able to get a few hours of sleep. Eventually. This, after a REALLY long day that started out with a near fall out of the shower in the a.m. and ended with my washing Greg's leather wallet while racing to finish laundry for packing for our trip and helping Greg with some of his final papers. I was SO glad when I woke up this morning because I knew yesterday was behind me, and tomorrow was ahead of me.

It is certainly time to meet my son and introduce him to Greg and to his sister, Claira. Greg is incredibly supportive and I am very happy that he is taking this part of my journey with me. It really means a lot to know that he understands how important this is to me and to be as supportive as he is, even though he will not only be meeting Mikhael, but many new people in unfamiliar surroundings.

Anyway, I will keep my blog as up to date as I can and will post pictures asap!!!

Deb

Three Things to Think About

2006-05-23T12:34:00.000-05:00

I got this in an email, and if I could credit the person, I would:

Three Things to think about:
1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTSCOWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government tracked a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington and they tracked her calves to their stalls? But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around ourcountry. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse........You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.

One Day At A Time...

At Long Last...

2006-05-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

Greg, Claira & I are planning a trip to visit family over Memorial Day weekend. It will be the first time Greg & I have flown together (we have always driven wherever we've gone), and it will be Claira's first trip on an airplane! We are flying to Louisiana to visit my dear friend, Cyndi, her husband Darrel, and her son, Mikhael. Cyndi & I have known each other for 18 years, mostly through letters & emails, but also an occasional visit. Mikhael is our main connection. Cyndi is his adoptive mom; I am his birth mom.

Cyndi & I first met during a phone call, through a mutual friend. When our friend called to ask if I would be interested in talking to them, I said I would and the next night, they called. I can remember hearing this soft, Southern drawl on the other end of the phone and was immediately "taken" with her. I had developed a minor list of questions, because I had visited an adoption agency and had already looked at several prospective family files. We ended up talking for much longer than I anticipated, and when I hung up the phone, I walked into the living room and announced to my family that I had found the parents who would adopt my baby. I just knew it was them.

On the day Mikhael was born, I was able to have a few hours just with him alone. When Cyndi & her husband walked into the room, though, it did not feel like an invasion. She walked in with a big smile and open arms and sat on my bed and hugged us both. She always told me that no matter what they would love me - if I decided to change my mind while they were there, it was okay and I should do what I needed to. Because Mikhael was jaundiced, he was in the hospital for nearly a week. Even after I was discharged, Cyndi would make sure that I could be at the hospital with them and with Mikhael and we spent as much time together as we could.

We originally agreed to try to stay in touch for one year after his first 3 months. Those first 3 months of non-contact were good for me to really come to terms with my decision and to give Mikhael & his family the chance to connect as a family. When the three months had passed I was shocked to receive a large package in the mail that contained among many things, a small photo album full of pictures of Mikhael with his new family. It was wonderful! From that time forward, Cyndi has been so wonderful to share pictures and news of Mikhael. I got to watch him grow up, from a distance, and see how happy he was. I saw pictures of Mikhael that reminded me of a family member, or even seeing myself in the mirror. She shared stories of his antics and their vacations - she included me in his life in ways I never imagined possible.

When Greg & I married in 2003, I had told him about Mikhael. He was so understanding and said our door would always be open to Mikhael. We had several talks about the possibility of meeting Mikhael, especially once we began to have children, and he even said he would not be surprised of Mikhael showed up on our doorstep one day, and that he would welcome him into our home. I was always surprised by that. Not because Greg isn't that kind of man, but because I had been certain so long ago that a man like him - someone who would be so open and accepting - would be difficult to find.

Cyndi wrote us a letter last December and wrote that Mikhael had said "it is time to meet my mom" and would we be able to plan a get together Summer 2006? WOW! So at long last, the plans have been made, the tickets have been bought, and we will be on our way in just a few days. I am very excited and very nervous, no matter how many people say I don't have to be nervous. Mikhael has grown into a very handsome young man and I am very privileged and honored that he wants to meet me and my family. It is important to me that Greg & Claira be able to meet him and get to know him along with me. Cyndi tells me Mikhael has my smile, gives great hugs and is a really great kid. I'm anxious to see this for myself... In person...

I'll update the blog with photos & notes on our visit as I can, with Mikhael's blessing. We'll have a short time to be together, but I know we'll soak up every second we can.

Happy Mother's Day

2006-05-14T15:46:00.000-05:00

Today I get to celebrate my first official Mother's Day. I tried to celebrate last year, but because Claira was not yet born, it wasn't quite the same. Today - it's official - and I get to enjoy it.

Claira woke up all smiles, after Greg & I got to spend a few minutes cuddling. Apparently, Claira forgot my Mother's Day card at Greg's mom house, but since it is HER first Mother's Day, too, it's okay. Greg gave me a new Bible and made a wonderful lunch. Yesterday, he took care of Claira for awhile so I could get a few things done around the house AND even enjoy a few minutes to myself. Claira is going to buy the windchime I requested, but she wants me to choose it, so we'll go shopping together for that. =) I got a beautiful red geranium at church this morning and it is potted on my front porch already.

Being a mother is really a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining - and I knew it would be a lot of work. I remember watching my mom and wondered why she couldn't take a few minutes to watch TV with the rest of us (besides Cosby Show every week), and now I understand. There are dishes to be done, meals to be cooked, laundry to be washed, folded and put away, diapers to be changed, bottles to be made, etc.

There are also those moments of incredible tenderness when Claira is so tired but only I can rock her to sleep, or when she smiles and grins only at me, when she says Mama (which is not very often, so it's special), when she grabs my face and "kisses" me enthusiastically, when she mimics something I am trying to teach her OR shows that she has figured out something herself. A mother's work really is never done, but it IS very rewarding...

My grandmother invested herself in my mom, and my mom invested herself in me. Now I get to stand in that line and do the same with my daughter. I still have a lot to learn about sacrifice and giving, but I will take it one day at a time, praying that what I learned from my own mom and grandmother mixed with what I am learning about myself, will be a blessing to Claira and will lead Claira to her own personal relationship with the Lord.

Happy Day

2006-05-12T15:03:00.000-05:00

I want to wish my brother and his wife, Dan & Kym, a very happy anniversary. I believe this is their 12th and I hope they are able to celebrate in style. Dan & Kym have two really great kids, Ashtyn & Ethan, who are a lot of fun to visit with. Happy Anniversary!

It is also my friend, Carrie's, birthday. Carrie & I have known each other for a long time and she has always been a good friend to me. She is a Dr. Pepper fan and has an extensive collection of Dr. Pepper memorabilia. Carrie lives near Kansas City, Missouri, and I miss her very much. Happy Birthday, Bess!!!

I Am His

2006-05-12T07:07:00.000-05:00

Although it is a gray, rainy day here in Ohio, it has already been a beautiful morning. My husband has become a terrific snuggler and I enjoy every minute we get to have together of snuggling, cuddling, & talking in the mornings. Claira Ruth is like a ray of sunshine when she wakes up - even before she can fully open her eyes she is already smiling and showing off her 2 bottom teeth. Friday morning is also my Starbucks morning - the blackberry green tea frappuccino is so refreshing & yummy...

I subscribe to a daily email devotional and wanted to share this particular one with you. I can relate to it because Claira is still a baby and has the occasional midnight bottle...

http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/12/because-you-are-mine/

Enjoy and have a terrific day because He loves you.

Need I Say More?

2006-05-08T07:26:00.000-05:00

Teething... Claira has 2 teeth on the bottom, but more coming in on top & bottom. She really only gets cranky when her teeth hurt or she is very tired... If you are familiar with Anne Geddes, there is a picture of a baby laying on pink peonies - she's holding her feet and grinning - all you can see are her 2 bottom teeth because her nose is all scrunched up with her grinning. Claira has started doing that and it cracks us up!!!

Still teething, but enjoying it. She is starting to feed herself more & more and likes to have a spoon when she's eating her baby food. I haven't yet let her feed herself baby food entirely, but she's figuring it out. She really likes the little vegetable or fruit puffs they make now, and is really developing her pincer grasp.

I think she looks like Tweety bird in this picture. =) This was taken about 10 days ago.

TGIF! It's Cinco De Mayo!!!

2006-05-05T09:02:00.000-05:00

Yes - one more excuse to overindulge in Mexican food! Like I need another reason for that. Greg & I will probably have lunch together - chips & salsa, of course! We joke about our poor attempts at speaking any Spanish at all - neither one of us studied it and only know a few basic common phrases, so our attempts are somewhat entertaining and we make each other laugh.

After I got out of my shower, I heard Miss Claira cry and went to get her out of her crib. She was sitting up in the corner of her crib with her head in an awkward position because of one of her hanging crib toys. That's the first time she's brought herself to an upright position without help - Yay for her! So we celebrated that with her. Then, Greg called on his way to take a test at school and said Mama Taylor called him to ask if he knew she could crawl. He told her we've only seen her just recently manage to get up onto her hands & knees, but apparently she decided to jump that hurdle today, too, and is crawling on all fours! What a big day for her!

You know, I have to stop and think about how excited I get for her when she learns or accomplishes something new. She gets cheers & clapping and we smile and encourage her. It is a big deal because she is growing and changing and we both want to encourage her. But I know I don't do that enough for myself, and it is something I should work on...

Maybe my May 5 resolution should be cheering myself on more, even for the little accomplishments...

Have a great one!

Spring Has Sprung

2006-05-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

Greg & I took Claira to Kingwood Center last weekend. They have one pair of gorgeous black swans. They lazily swam their way over to us hoping for some crackers or bread (which we didn't have). Kingwood Center is gorgeous - and they have a whole garden of peonies budding - we will go back later this month so after the peonies bloom, and hopefully go back in June to enjoy the very large, very lovely rose garden.

This was taken at an awkward angle, but I think the colors turned out well. There were 2 male peacocks that we saw at Kingwood, both of which were being chased by children (whose parents kept yelling at them to stop but did NOTHING to stop them - UGH!). They loudly called out their "woman in distress" cry many times throughout the time we visited. They both flaunted their gorgeous tails several times, but usually right after I'd put my camera away... I really enjoyed watching them.

Here is the not-so-drab peahen. She actually carries the same irridescent feathers on her neck as the male and was quietly hunting insects when we came upon her. Maybe God made the male more lovely to look at, so that predators (or bratty children) would chase them and leave alone the female who might be nesting...

Happy Beautiful Spring!

Da Vinci

2006-05-02T14:40:00.000-05:00

The Da Vinci Code, both the novel and the movie, is rather disturbing to me. Although I have yet to read the book or see the movie (as it has not been released yet, and I'm more likely to pay to see the movie), I don't like the notoriety or positive publicity it is receiving.

What bothers me the most is how QUICKLY people swallow anything that clouds the life of Christ - anything that hints at discrediting Him or His Word. If I was to publish a book about the life of Mohammed and basically cast shadows on his life story, the Koran, etc., do you think people would just assume that my "novel" was based in reality because I said so? Do you think it would upset a Muslims? Do you think I would be lauded and praised, or would I be criticized for not being religiously correct or tolerant? Would I even be persecuted for writing a tantalizing "story" about someone that millions of people believe in? That they believe in enough they are willing to live their lives for and die for Him?

Oh wait, that's right - many people simply believe that Jesus was a "good man" and not the Son of God. And since Christians are supposed to "turn the other cheek", I should be able to tolerate someone's slanted, negative depiction of the One I believe in, right? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that ANYONE is trying to slander the Lord or His Life and Work because isn't that the intent & purpose of The Enemy? And by "enemy", I don't mean the author of The Da Vinci code, Dan Brown, I am referring to The Enemy of God, Satan. However, the author when asked in an interview whether his "novel" was based in fact, stated that it was based in "historical fact." (See the link "Debunking the Da Vinci Code" to the right of the blog.)

Why aren't more of those who put their faith in Christ speaking out against this? Maybe it's too early. Maybe they understand that people will believe what they want to. Maybe they don't realize the danger yet. I haven't yet decided if I will read the book. I may see the movie and add an updated opinion about the whole thing here at a later date.

For more information also visit: http://www.thecodeisfiction.com/

Political "Stuff"

2006-05-02T07:26:00.000-05:00

Today is May 2 - voting day. Even though I work with a Political Science department at a university, I'm not the most up-to-date on all of the issues. I'm not one to watch the news 24 hours a day - or even 1 hour a day to be honest. I like to know the highlights, important events, but haven't paid too much attention to all of the issues coming up for vote.

However, I do think voting is important. Even if I only vote on the things I'm aware of, it is important for me to be there and make my statement. Too many people whine about not being given a voice, and then when it comes time to vote, they are lazy and indifferent. Can't have it both ways.

As far as all the immigration news - Greg & I were talking about it this morning. They were showing the millions of folks marching in LA and other places and talking about the economic impact of it all. Greg looked at me and asked, "How did that affect us? In what way were we impacted by their march? We weren't. The Midwest wasn't affected by it." The news reported that 27% of students stayed home from classes in the LA area. I'm wondering if they were ALL Hispanic, or if any percentage of those folks stayed home as a statement to support the cause, or even just used it as an excuse to take a day off from school.

My thought is this: If you want to be in America and work in America and take advantage of the American Dream, become an American. Don't stay here illegally and march in the streets as if you have a right to access the same rights as American citizens. If my children are required to learn Spanish in order to communicate more effectively with those who emigrate here from Mexico, than those same immigrants should be required to learn English in order to communicate more effectively in return. I have no problem with people wanting to be in America and live the American dream, but it IS called the "AMERICAN dream" for a reason...

Claira Catch-Up

2006-05-01T14:09:00.000-05:00

I tried starting this blog when Claira was first born, but there wasn't much going on beyond nursing-sleeping-pooping-crying and I was waaaaaay too tired to keep up with it. Now that she is almost 9 months old, we have a basic routine, AND her little personality is developing, I want to share her growth, changes and updates.

Claira has added so much fun to the life Greg & I live. She is becoming a fun little person and we enjoy seeing her grow, change, and become who she is. Her bright blue eyes sparkle at times, and at other times, it is obvious she is feeling various emotions. Greg says she gives an "evil look" and I would have to agree. She is very deliberate in her expressions, and has a look without crying that lets us know she is upset.

She jabbers all the time, and repeats "da-da" most often, along with "na-na", especially when she is "singing." She says other little phrases like "blecchh", but not in any very specific way. She will look at Greg if I ask her where daddy is, or look at Sadie the cat if I ask where Sadie is, etc.

She is also exhibiting the typical jealousy with her big cousins, Emma - 5 and Kyle - 3, with whom she spends much of her afternoons. If her Mamaw Thelma is holding her, she does NOT want either one of them around very much, and is just starting to be able to tolerate them sitting in the same chair with her and her Mamaw. She has started showing her preferences for who she wants to be with and is starting to exhibit the signs of separation anxiety with both Greg & I, and her Mamaw.

She has recently learned to whistle. Emma whistles often, along with her Papaw Joe and her Papa Ron. When Claira gets excited, she purses her lips, moves her hands & feet really fast and breathes in and out rapidly. So, she learned to whistle. She has now learned that she can whistle in response to our whistling and she likes it.

I have started teaching her about face parts. One of her favorite things to do is to grab onto Greg's short hair and pull him towards her as hard as she can, squealing and laughing the whole time. She will also grab ears, noses, lips, etc. Obviously, we have to start teaching her NOT to pull hair (or anything else), as she has started hurting her bigger cousins in her attempts to "play" with them. She seems to enjoy learning - smiling, watching, really even focusing sometimes.

In her "Baby Animals" book, there is a picture of a black and white kitten, which looks remarkably like our cat, Sadie. She has learned that she can pull Sadie's hair sometimes without repercussions, but Sadie is also teaching Claira that she will only take so much, and Claira is learning to be "gentle" with other people. When she is reading the book and I point to the picture of the kitten, she takes great notice and will focus her eyes and move her face in closer to the book and stare at that picture. She was saying "ki-ki" (kitty-kitty) at 7 months.

She particularly loves it when I sing "Twinkle, Twinkle" or "You are My Sunshine" which Greg & I both sing to her everyday. We usually put her name into the sunshine song and she just smiles great big when I start singing it to her. She has also started recognizing herself in the mirror. Especially after a bath, when I've wrapped her up in her big towel, I will hold her so she can see herself and she looks back and forth between me & the mirror, sometimes pursing her lips and kicking her feet.

She has not yet started crawling. She has rolled everywhere she's wanted to go, but she is learning how to lift her hips off the ground and is starting to get herself into the crawl-position. She enjoys standing up with help, and once she learns she can crawl and get places quicker, it won't be long before she learns that standing/walking will work even better.

She has 2 bottom teeth, and the top 2 are about ready to cut through. She really only cries when she is very tired or when her teeth are bothering her. She doesn't fuss much otherwise. She is starting to self-feed and is trying new foods. She loves her biting biscuits, which help with her teeth, and also the fruit or veggie puffs that she has to pick up with her pincer grasp.

Something she did this past weekend really floored Greg & I. We were at Applebee's and the waitress gave Claira a balloon which she was immediately fascinated with. I tied it to her high chair and she proceeded to reach hand over hand to pull the balloon down towards her. Whether or not that is appropriate for her age, I think Greg & I are always completely amazed by the ways she changes daily and how much she learns so quickly!

We are excited about spring - about summer coming - about taking her fishing - about pushing her on a swingset - about taking walks with her so she can see nature - about working in my garden with her outside in her playpen - about hearing her say "ma-ma" on a more regular basis - about seeing Claira move into crawling, then standing, then walking. Greg was just telling me the other day how much he misses her baby days, but I have found that I don't miss them much (yet) because I am having too much fun watching her grow and change and become CLAIRA.

It is very exciting to be able to share my life with someone like Greg, who is a very gentle, caring, loving man. Not to say that we don't have fights - we were both born under fire signs (NOT that I believe in astrology as much as I believe that the environmental factors at the time of one's birth do play a role in personality development) and we disagree with each other. But it is also amazing to be living my life with the one person I was meant to be with. And then for us to have been blessed with Claira - it is remarkable and I am grateful.