It's Good to be The Queen

I've Moved

2007-12-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

This blog has a new home:

http://thequeenmommy.wordpress.com/

Shopping with a Toddler

2007-12-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

Yes, it finally happened - the dreaded Temper-tantrum-throwing-Toddler while trying to shop for Christmas presents... Princess CaaaLalla decided that she wanted to touch everything and when the King told her to stop and moved her away from the shelves, she pitched a royal fit. Screaming, kicking, crying - pushing him away - moving his hands off the cart. For several minutes. So we switched carts - Princess KT was sleeping for the most part - and the King looked like he was at his wits end.

Usually, the Queen does not put up with much crap. Not to say that the King does, but this Queen draws the line and appropriate consequences follow quickly. However, this time, I was the much more patient one, and when she tried to push my hands away, I took a death grip on the cart. (Perhaps the Zoloft is magical?) In the middle of her screaming fit, she started saying "Potty, mommy" and we raced to the bathroom, where she proceeds to tell me, "You first, mommy" and then tries to open the door as I'm using the facilities... Needless to say, she did NOT really need to go potty (but we won't tempt fate), and when she got back into the cart, she began the screaming/crying/kicking again.

So, the King took her to the carriage and I paid for the few things we managed to buy. On the way home, she fell asleep... We had planned to have a big Christmas shopping day, but that was not to be... Oh well, we shall try again - perhaps right after a nap and dinner...

Need to Powder My Nose

2007-11-30T16:05:00.000-05:00

I decided after visiting many mommy blogs recently that my blog needed a bit of an update. I started making the update yesterday, but officially retitled the blog and renamed the "characters" in my life...

The King - is of course, my handsome, hottie husband. (wolf whistle.) Yowza!
Princess CaaaLalla is our oldest, curly haired diva.
Princess KT is our little one, and baby sister diva.
I, as I have always been, am the Queen. (yes, it is a little presumptive - but HEY, it's my blog!)

I hope to figure out how to add some variety and sparkle to the place and hope you'll be back to visit!!!

The Queendom

2007-11-30T10:18:00.001-05:00

So, as you can see in the pictures posted in my previous blog, the princesses are growing up quickly!

Princess KT is really coming into her own, and has the sweetest smiles to give. She LOVES to cuddle and be cuddled. She just rolled over for the first time this week - she's starting to get mobile, which will be a LOT of fun... She keeps her eyes on her big sister all the time, and any time they interact, she's all smiles & squeals. She reaches out for our faces now and when we kiss on her, she puts her mouth on our cheeks. She's drooling bucket loads every day and we expect to start seeing her first teeth soon.

Princess CaaaLalla is potty training herself - just as we expected her to do. I used the last diaper with her over the weekend, and we switched to pull-ups. Now, granted, I am allowing for future setbacks & accidents, but all of a sudden yesterday, she decided that she would go potty for her Mama and wore "big girl panties" all day yesterday without having ONE accident. Her biggest motivators are getting to wear her pink light velour nightgown with silvery suns, moons, & stars all over it, or some sparkly purple mary-janes. If she can wear those, she'll go potty like a big girl in a heartbeat! Daddy also lights a candle and lets her blow it out sometimes which gives her a big charge - WHATEVER IT TAKES!!! So, she is making progress and we're really excited for her!

The King & I have had some really nice, sweet moments together lately. It has been really memorable. We're approaching our 4th anniversary already - and I think parenting has really started forging us into a team. It's really great to have someone I can talk to about anything - who listens and cares - and takes to heart what I share, what I need, what I want. He's really wonderful. I can be my ol' ugly self some days and he still loves me. He keeps telling me I'm a good mommy, and especially these days, that means a lot. I am starting to feel more settled in myself again, and he really lets me explore my thoughts & feelings in a manner that lets me find my way. I appreciate that so much about him. We laugh a lot together and it's good for my soul. He's a great daddy and I just love watching his little princess girls melt him into a giant puddle. He denies it, but only half-heartedly... He's a really good husband, too, and I'm grateful for every moment we've had together - every single one of them. I can't imagine a better teammate or partner for life.

It's good to be the Queen!

Princess Pictures

2007-11-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

Notes from the Queen Mother

2007-11-27T15:21:00.000-05:00

I love Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving was really wonderful because I had extra time with the King and our two lovely Princesses.

Princess "Caaaa-lalla" (which is how SHE says her name while struggling to pronounce her L's clearly) is growing up way too quickly. She is such a bright, empathetic, loving, funny child - I'm in awe that she came through me. She "lubs" her baby sister so much and will stroke her cheek and say, "Awww, cute!" She has even started helping (offering to) take dishes to the sink after dinner is over. Where the heck did she learn that? She will also take your "order" with a notepad & pencil, pretending to be a waitress, and always asks first if you want "cole slaw" because that is HER favorite thing to order. She begs me to "Play, Mommy" and lays on the floor so I will tickle her or blow Zrbbtts on her belly. Every morning she wakes up with a "busted wig" as her daddy calls it, and even though taming her curls is not her favorite thing, she does love to wear dresses, " 'ipstick" and pretty shoes. Her current request for Christmas: a dress. Anything else? Shoes. My girly girl...

Princess KT is growing, too. She is now 26.5" long and weighs 15 lbs 5 oz. She smiles almost all the time now - switching her formula has made a big difference! She loves her bottle time and being cuddled. She loves being rocked to sleep, and has even started "singing" because her Mama sings her to sleep... She is just starting to eat cereal, but HATED the plain rice cereal, so we add sweet potatoes (big sister's favorite) and she is figuring out how to get it swallowed... Once she gets the swallowing thing figured out, she actually swings her arms, shakes her legs and chases after the spoon for more! These first few feedings are an experience - and of course, we've already had a monster sneeze right AFTER she got a nummy mouthful... This little Princess turns her head at the sound of basketball or football on TV. Kind Daddy may have his star athlete in this one...

The King - well, he's been really wonderful. He has been so supportive of me and so helpful and even turned down some job offers that would have possibly meant more money, but would have definitely meant more time away from home. He has been able to change his job requirements at work, too, which means HE'S happier at work, and which means more time at home with us. He decided that with my PPD and two small kids, we need him at home more - and he's right.

The holidays were really very sweet for me because of the extra time I got with my husband & girls. I loved the time we had with our extended families, but to be honest, having time with my own family was really special and I enjoyed it. There are so many beautiful moments I could recount here, but it would take 3 days to read it all and people would lose interest...

Suffice it to say that I feel like my dream of being a wife & mom has really come true, and I'm not even medicated today... =)

Holidays with the Family

2007-11-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

I just have to write about the lovely time I had with my family last week. We were able to visit with both sides of the family, but I want to write about the time we had together - just the 4 of us.

I took Wednesday off - Princess KT had to get shots & had a dr appt. Princess "Caaa-lalla" (how she says her name while trying to pronounce her L's correctly) only had to get a flu shot, and relaxed enough to enjoy the nurse "tickling" her baby sister (after crying that they were going to "hurt" her.)

I so enjoy my extra time with the girls - it is fun to wake up at will and enjoy some morning time with each of them. Princess C is so happy when she's not rushed in the mornings, and Princess KT wakes up almost every morning smiling...

Good Enough

2007-11-12T14:54:00.001-05:00

The fog of fatigue has slowly lifted as I've been able to have time to sleep, and KT has gradually started to sleep through the night. Yay! What a lovely feeling to not be so fatigued! And to feel rested mentally & physically has been wonderful. I don't feel like a zombie anymore.

I think the "fog" was protecting me somewhat, though, from feeling depressed. After talking with my OB/GYN during my pregnancy with KT, we were both pretty sure I had postpartum depression after having CaaaLalla. It took several months to really set in, and really only seemed to start after I'd returned to work and tried to adjust to a very full schedule. KT is four months old, and as I have felt more rested, I've become more aware of how behind I'd fallen in housework and how working full-time and taking online classes really fights with my "mommy" time. I asked for and had a LOT of help during my maternity leave, and even since then, but at some point I tell myself, I have to pick up and start taking care of myself & my family, right?

So, to take care of me, I called my OB last week and got a script for an antidepressant, because I was starting to mentally and emotionally detach from my life and when I realized it - Thank you God for letting me realize it - I knew I needed help. I'm on a low dose, and am starting to feel some relief already - some calming, a little less "pressure" than I was feeling before. I am a bit tired, which is a side effect, but not completely fatigued, so I'm content with things so far.

As full as my schedule is concerned- my classes are really rewarding and interesting and challenging. I get some personal satisfaction from that and when I can get B's - I'm quite happy with that. My job is necessary, but also beneficial and I enjoy what I do a lot. It's the household "stuff" that really knocks me down. I am learning (slowly) to let "good enough" be GOOD ENOUGH, but has always been hard for me to swallow.

I grew up in a very organized, very neat, very clean household. There were lists of chores and they all got done. Really. At any given moment (except when decorating for Christmas), anyone could walk into our house and it would be nearly spotless. I don't know how my mom had the energy to manage it. I don't have the energy, and even when she's helped me at my house, I move like a turtle to her rabbit's pace. I was a clutterbug and, if allowed, I was messy! I left empty cups in the living room, and shoes under the coffee tables. I would leave piles of papers or books or whatever - anywhere I could. Not for long - but it was my nature to put something down and leave it there collecting dust until I needed it again. That has not changed.

Fast forward 20 years or so, where I married a clutter bug and we now have a 2 year old and a 3 month old which, of course, require much gear and equipment and diapers and baby wipes and toys and books - and there is just no room for anyTHING let alone for anyONE sometimes! I have tried a multitude of organizational products and methods. I have done positive affirmations. I have beat myself up for failing. I have gone through our house like a tornado and thrown boxes and bags of things away. I have spent entire weekends focusing on the way my house looks, and have not enjoyed time with my girls. THAT is not satisfying. I get to cross things off my "list," but when it comes down to it, I've lost time with my husband and my girls.

So I have to learn to rethink my "List" for my life and what is important. I have to change the way I think about what is GOOD ENOUGH for my family and not what is PERFECT. Perfectionism is a disease - it is a really horrible mental and emotional trap - that disables and destroys and dysfunctionalizes (new word). I do this to myself. I do this to my family. I lose sight of what is lifelong and what REALLY matters, and get caught up in the trappings of maintaining some appearance that takes too much energy and too much time from my LIFE to keep up with.

So, I will wash my dishes (always needing clean bottles), I will do my laundry (going to work naked might NOT get me a raise), I will sweep & vacuum my floors (because God only knows what CaaaLalla WON'T put in her mouth), and I will clean my bathroom (because otherwise it's just GROSS). The rest of it may or may not get done - ever - and that will just have to be GOOD ENOUGH!

Mini Vacation with the Mini-Mes

2007-10-22T15:17:00.000-05:00

How is it that already, at the tender ages of 2 (Princess Mini-Me) and 3 months (Princess Buttercup), the girls already resemble me in personality, looks, temperament, etc??? How amazing is it that the fingerprints of my genes just come busting out of them in ways that prevent me from denying them as my offspring? Not that I'd deny them mind you, but if I ever wanted to, I couldn't...

So I spent 3 days with my side of the family. It was SO FANTASTIC to see my parents, my brothers, their wives & kids. I realized it has been since Christmas 2006 since we had been to visit - they'd not even seen Princess KT yet... My oldest niece is just shy of her 13th birthday - a teenager already. I can remember when I got the phone call telling me she was born and how she had red hair... I was so excited to be an aunt!!! My sisters-in-law, have both lost weight, and for the few hours I spent with them, there were these moments where I actually thought to myself - they're holding Princess KT and Princess CaaaLalla is being entertained by her cousins - what the heck do I do now??? They both cooked dinner for us - Kym makes kick-butt pizza and Lyn made a really yummy Shrimp Linguine, after she bought me lunch at a Mexican restaurant! They got to play with all of their Polish cousins...

Hubby couldn't go - between work and a training class he had to take - he couldn't come with us. But getting away from home - no phone calls for me, no real laundry to worry about, no cobwebs and dust layers mocking me - what a nice little break that was. So yeah, I've got to work on the laundry, cobwebs & dust layers now, but I am a little more refreshed and have a better attitude about it...

AND I even got to sleep in a couple of times (past 6:30 am...) My dad made coffee every morning - mom made special treats - it was really nice to take some time off!!! I feel much better now. Am glad to be back home with my husband and girls - even work isn't too bad today. Sleep lends an amazing perspective to life...

Sleep!!!

2007-10-13T08:08:00.000-05:00

I am finishing a nice little continental breakfast in a hotel room. Alone. By myself. I have just spent the night here to try to get some sleep. It was actually Greg's suggestion, and with his encouragement, I made a hotel reservation and began planning a real night's rest.

Having spent the last 3 months (basically) with a new daughter who prefers to take naps, rather than long stretches of sleep, I found myself to be a complete basket case. My brain has been in a thick fog. I dont' really know how I've managed to drive to work & back, let alone do much of anything else.

My psychology class final exam is tomorrow. I'm also writing a 2-3 page paper on any topic that was addressed in our text. I've chosen sleep deprivation. Having experienced it first hand, reading some of the symptoms and resulting problems of sleep deprivation, which is a REAL problem - I look forward to writing about it.

Checking into the hotel, I felt a little bit guilty as my girls were going to stay with Daddy and Mama Taylor, and I knew it meant they would get to deal with the girls alone. I know they are capable and I know they did a perfectly fine job, but I'd gotten into that "I have to do everything and be everything for" my girls. Hopefully this little break will snap me out of that.

By the way, when I did check into the hotel, the lady at the front desk says, "Oh, YOU'RE the lucky one." I said, "Really? I am?" And she proceeds to tell me that the hotel overbooked and I've been upgraded to a suite. For real. Ahhhhhhh.

And I did sleep. Without about 6 pillows in a soft bed with fluffy comforters and the air on - ahhhhh - I had some pretty interesting dreams. Dream interpretation was another topic I studied this semester in psychology class. If I didn't feel so strongly about sleep deprivation, I might have to write about that...

Thank you, Honey, for suggesting this and encouraging me to do this and making sure the girls were taken care of. I needed it and I appreciate it. I love you.

Deb

Family time

2007-09-29T21:01:00.000-05:00

So, we experienced a new family adventure today: Family Pictures. Considering that we all slept until 7:00 am this morning - which has to be some kind of record - and my sleep was unbroken by Princess KT's need for bottles - I woke up feeling very optimistic.

Alas, reality set in far too soon and dashed my hopes of the idyllic family time spent together laughing and casually posing for pictures which would capture the beauty & life of our family. NOT that they turned out badly - they didn't. In fact, they turned out fairly well and as soon as I can, I'll be posting some here. But we are all still feeling the aftershocks of a 12.0 earthquake on our emotional Richter scale...

So I was a little ambitious with 2 changes of clothing... So my face decided to break out this week and the horrible PMS I suffered last week was only the tip of the iceburg compared to the horror of the no-longer-PRE-MS of this week... So I bawled my eyes out in the shower while we were getting ready because I was so tired and Claira had already been combative in the few hours we'd had together in the morning... So Claira & Kaity BOTH pooped 5 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door... So I had a 2 month old that decided to eat an hour early - JUST as we were getting ready to take the girls' Christmas pictures... So my husband was having a nervous breakdown trying to keep Claira from destroying the photography studio in the span it would take Kaity to drink her bottle... So Claira finally fell asleep after spending 2 hours in the photography studio or running rampant in Sears when I couldn't get to her fast enough or telling me she had to go potty only to flush the toilet when we got there and crying to leave the bathroom...

By the time we were done with pictures, I don't think any of us liked any of the rest of us. There was yelling. There was crying. There was cursing. And there were whimpering begging prayers for sanity and strength. And a shot of whiskey. Okay - I didn't really pray for that, but if I'd been offered today, I don't think I would have turned it down.

We get 2 days a week to be together as a family. Saturday is spent adjusting from the week-long adjustment to work, Sunday is spent racing to make up for what feels like lost time on Saturday, and preparing to go back to work and start the whole schlamiel all over again.

I'm still so freakin' tired I can't see straight and just want to sleep. Really - I think if I could have a weekend of uninterrupted sleep, I'd feel better and have a much better attitude. I could probably even think more clearly and act more sanely and react less sharply.

I think even God is starting to get tired of my whining or is at least trying to stimulate my sense of humor - my devotions today were in I Thessalonians 5:6 - Therefore let us not sleep...

Seriously...

Back to Work

2007-09-05T11:11:00.000-05:00

So it's my first day back and SO FAR SO GOOD. I wore shoes (and not houseslippers like I did to Geyers last week), and so far I've remembered all my logins & passwords and how to transfer phone calls. I've been busy enough to keep my mind here, so I haven't missed the girls too much. Yet.

This morning before I left them at Mama Taylor's, I was talking to Kaity and telling her to be a good girl (like she could be anything else) and I said to her, "Don't tell Mama everything," and she smiled a HUGE gummy grin like she was laughing out loud. It was utterly fantastic and made my day.

Claira, on the other hand, is going to have a real adjustment to our new schedule. It's not that she doesn't want to go to Mama's - she's in heaven, I'm sure. But she's not the kind of kid who likes big changes, and we were finally getting settled at home while I was there. And she REALLY doesn't like it when someone else has to wake her up, and for a few weeks we'll have to do that until she's adjusted. She had a very tearful morning and really wanted to be held while Greg & I were both trying to get ready and out the door on time.

I've already started getting myself up earlier than everyone else. Well, let's say I PLANNED to get up earlier than everyone else so I could have MY time and get things done, but Miss Kaity has decided she's an early bird and is waking me up even before my alarm goes off at 5 am. Ugh - remember my previous posts about sleep deprivation??? I'm right there and I don't think I can sacrifice much more sleep without doing myself (or someone else) some harm at this point... I've been having dizzy spells the past couple of days and have decided it's because I'm sleep deprived.

I really want to get us settled into our new routine and make sure they get used to the way things are going to be, so Greg & I can get settled and relax, too... With his work schedule spanning long hours sometimes, and my online classes, we each have our own priorities to add to the mix, but getting the girls settled in and "normalized" is my main goal. If anybody has any suggestions, I'll gladly welcome them...

End of Summer

2007-08-28T12:04:00.000-05:00

I honestly can't believe Labor Day weekend is just around the corner. I'll be back into work on 9/5 - but it seems like it's only been one or two weeks I've been home.

Adjusting to Kaity has been a challenge. She has a very different temperament than Claira and I feel like I'm just getting used to her & our schedule, and it's all going to change next week. For the most part, Claira is an overly exuberant and affectionate big sister. She loves to kiss on and hug and "pet" Kaity whenever she can. She'll lay next to her on the couch and just stroke her arm or her hair or "honk" her nose (thank you Jojo's Circus for that one!) Only last week did she start showing stronger signs of jealousy - but mostly in regard to her belongings (a blanket, the crib, etc), and if she is distracted, she seems to get over it fairly quickly.

Kaity, on the other hand, is a more needy baby than Claira. While Claira began marathon nursing at 3 weeks and I felt the need to supplement with formula, Kaity has almost always had formula after nursing and tends to go longer between feedings. BUT she wants to be held - and by held, I mean swaddled and held tightly against my chest - all the time. Now, I've read enough articles that say a newborn can't be held too much. I followed the same advice & behaviors with Claira as I am with Kaity: of holding her as much as I could whenever I could because I knew going back to work and things would change. But Kaity won't settle or be content for long in any other position - not a swing - not the carseat - not propped up on the Boppy pillow. She wants to be snuggled. On most days, and in most cases, I don't mind holding her. But Claira is an active 2 year old and I have to be QUICK in order to keep up with her - so you can imagine my dilemma.

I have tried the baby carrier I've got off & on, and for now (KNOCK ON WOOD) it has started working again. Last week, it was a no go and it was stressful with everything going on around here. On Monday - Tornado warning - and I had to move both girls from their naps into our basement (which is not a finished basement at the moment, but does have a queen size bed set up) and it was just ME here with them (and I HATE tornado warnings with a passion - of all the things that make me anxious, a tornado siren is at the top). I felt incredibly responsible for their well-being and fortunately kept busy making sure I had diapers & formula & water down here with us too, JUST IN CASE, and we got through it. Tuesday, the flooding in our area started. Thankfully, we ourselves were not affected, and only had very minor seepage in the basement, but parts of our town were under water (even submerging vehicles) and the area saw a lot of rain in a very short time so there was NO going outside - or even to Mama Taylor's - and I couldn't afford to drive the girls around to check out the damage, etc. Thursday - the heat wave hit and we were grateful for air conditioning - but again we were house bound and it was not the most pleasant of times for us girls...

Honestly, I do feel much more relaxed with Kaity than I did with Claira - and only when I am fatigued do I feel really irritable and cranky and just want to have 10 minutes for a shower so I can actually shave my legs and take care of my summer-feet, and not just race to get my hair washed & rinsed and quick scrub & rinse & dry to make sure the girls aren't either coloring on the walls or soaking another burp cloth. Don't get me wrong - I am very thrilled to have both of my girls - and I won't trade them for the world - but there are moments that I think I'm just going to break down and cry because I can manage working with a couple hundred adults in a master's program (some of them being very high-maintenance), and still find myself feeling lost in my role as a mother. I understand that at work I have help and I can help others.

The fact is, being a mother MEANS something so much more important in the long run. It matters beyond today what tone I use with Claira when she has discovered ANOTHER pen somewhere and has added her artwork to my dresser. Or whether both of my girls feels loved and cared for and nurtured, and whether they are learning they can count on me and that they WANT to count on me. Or whether I pray effectively as a mother, and show them how to love God. Or their dad or each other. I'm not panicking here - I'm not anxious about this at the moment - it's just the realization that the value of my JOB as a mother has lasting effects whether I get paid or not and whether I feel it or not.

It's that part of me that is so saddened about returning to work. Believe me, when next Wednesday comes, I will have a bunch of mixed feelings about going back to work - some of them including the fact that I love my job and will LOVE being able to work with adults again and not a 2 year old who is still resistant to potty-training (I'm relaxed about it, Terry, but just WISH she'd want to move ahead in this department).

But I will miss watching Claira dance to her morning cartoons and chase the bubbles I blow around in the yard. I will miss hearing her call for me when she wakes up for her nap and hear that bubbly "Hi, mom" when I get her out of her big girl bed. I will miss being able to sit with her and hold her any time I want to during the day. And how I will miss watching Kaity becoming so alert to her surroundings, and following my movements all day - and not catching all of her changes. I will actually miss being able to hold her close all day, because I know someday she will not want to be held. They will both want to go outside to play and ask to go to Mama's and then go ride their bikes outside and go to school and go on dates and oh my word, I don't even want to think about it...

Plethora of Pictures

2007-08-15T21:36:00.000-05:00

Greg's Graduation - June 2; Papa w/Kaity; Nana w/Kaity; Big Sister Claira can't get enough of Kaity; Daddy & his littlest girl; Mommy & her baby doll; The Taylor's - a bit sleep deprived; Claira (today) with her new rug; Kaity (today) bright-eyed & bushy-tailed...

She's HEEEEeeeerrrrrreeeeee!!!

2007-07-26T13:46:00.000-05:00

After several hours of labor (and the relief of a blessed MAGIC of an epidural), Kaitlyn Isabel Taylor, made her entrance into the world on Tuesday, July 17 at 4:37 pm. She was born with a thick head of dark hair, dark blue eyes, long fingers and toes - and a big sister who cannot get enough of her.

In the true spirit and sense of adventure inspired by her mother, Kaity made a pit stop on the way home from the hospital at Panera Bread and Cold Stone Creamery...

Kaity spent a couple of days at a hospital in Mansfield for phototherapy due to Jaundice. She came out still looking like she's been on a Caribbean cruise - while her mother looks (and feels) somewhat less rested...

We are all happy to have Kaity here and are adjusting to our new family member. Daddy has gone back to work and is suffering withdrawals from all of his girls, as we are from him...

Family Restrooms

2007-07-08T15:03:00.001-05:00

For the faint of heart, please do not read this - I'm a mom and dealing with pee & poop in any form and at any time is apparently one of my responsibilities... Seriously - I am not sure what lesson God is trying to teach me, but being up to my elbows in pee & poop is NOT fun.

In the past 10 days, I have had to take Claira to a public restroom after she has peed all over the floor / shopping cart / miscellaneous items in the cart, etc., FOUR separate times. Four. The most recent occurrence took the cake and I literally almost went psycho-pregnant- hormonal-crazy-lady on someone...

We are attempting to potty train Claira. She will tell us (on occasion) when she wants to go - she will go several times without needing a diaper or pull up - and then she gets busy playing or watching TV and doesn't mind relying on her diaper. Cant' blame her - she's not quite 2, so we're only pushing lightly - and she's getting the hang of it.

HOWEVER - going into the public realm seems to beg for other disturbing and traumatic events. Keep in mind that I am now 35 weeks pregnant. Also keep in mind that Claira is very tall and built very solidly at her young age so carrying her is really not an option for me at the moment. Twice now at Wal-mart and once at Joann fabrics, I have been on my way to the women's or family restroom in the very back of the store to change Claira's diaper, and we have found it necessary to call for the "Spill Team" to clean up either a trail or a puddle that has collected underneath the cart Claira is sitting in. I have found myself BAWLING in the restroom because the baby wipes &/or extra clothes that I thought were packed in the diaper bag are not to be found, and I get to improvise...

The last and fourth time was Friday evening. Claira & I were at Wal-mart after I'd gotten my hair cut. She had just filled her diaper with an unpleasant substance, and I headed back to the FAMILY restroom. I stopped by the baby department to pick up one of those travel packs of wipes, because AGAIN, the travel pack in the diaper bag was missing.

The family restroom seems to always be located at the VERY back of the store. I arrived to find the restroom occupied by a male, considering the voice who responded when I knocked. Now, I know the reason they have these family restrooms is for such an instance when a parent, male or female, requires a little more room and some kind of privacy to handle theirs or their childrens' bathroom needs. I pushed the cart into the game aisle and we walked around for several minutes waiting for the aforementioned occupant to exit. I returned, knocked on the door again - still locked. In the meantime, 2 other SINGLE individuals attempted to enter said restroom (while I am standing RIGHT THERE) only to find it locked. By the second person, I was pretty well calling my place in line OUT LOUD and staking my claim to the family restroom.

While standing outside the locked door, Claira grabbed at her stomach and started saying "Owie" and proceeded to pee ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Bless her heart. She couldn't stop if she wanted to. So now, there is a pee puddle all over the floor - the cart is wet, and I am really at my wits' end. I knock AGAIN on the door - no response - and start to think that I should call for a manager to check on the bathroom in case someone is unconscious, OR if somehow the door was locked as the last person exited. The "cherry on top" experience came, when a Wal-Mart associate - a single female - attempted to walk into the family restroom - while I was standing at the door waiting. I thought I was going to scream.

My child is soaking wet - she is poopy - the floor is wet - the plastic wipe case I'm going to purchase and haven't even opened yet is wet - and this lady thinks she's going to use the FAMILY restroom while I'm standing right there??? I said to her - "I'm in line for that restroom." She didn't even look at me and just went into the women's restroom.

Just when I was ready to start crying - ONLY because I am 35 weeks pregnant and hormones are wreaking havoc on my body & emotions - the door to the family restroom opens. Out walks a young male - probably 16 years old, who cranes his neack and GLARES AT ME - most likely assuming that I've been the one who kept trying the locked door to get in. I'm telling you right now, if he had opened his mouth to say one smart-mouthed thing to me - I would have gone psycho-pregnant-hormonal-crazy-lady on him right there in the back of walmart with my child sitting in her sopping wet cart and diaper and clothes, and would have welcomed a light jail sentence - in isolation - free of poopy diapers and inconsiderate morons who think the family restroom is to be used by anyone at anytime.

Can I be honest? The length of time the young man spent in there, had me thinking I'd better take a DEEP breath before I walked in because he MUST have been having some issues. But no - no malodorous presence was waiting. So then I started wondering what took him so freakin' long in there and then I figured I probably didn't really want to know...

So I've decided as much as I love being with Claira and shopping with Claira, in order to save my sanity, I may have to avoid - at all costs - trips to Walmart with Claira.

Independence Day

2007-07-04T08:27:00.000-05:00

The 4th of July has always been, and will always be, one of my very favorite holidays. I have always loved history, and learning about our Founding Fathers, flaws & all, inspired me to believe that being an American is an honor & privilege.

The signers of the Declaration of Independence, much scrutinized, criticized, and mythologized (new word of the day?), were men of great courage. Whatever their personal background, religious beliefs, occupations, fortunes, or reputations - they all came together in one common belief and decided to stand in the face of tyranny, despite the probable hardship it would cause each of them and likely, their families.

I have to wonder if they had even a SMALL clue of what their stand would mean in the end - TRULY. Knowing that John Hancock signed his name in such a large flourish, not because he was conceited or had a high opinion of himself, but because he wanted to ensure that King George could read his name without the use of glasses, makes me laugh out loud. Not because it is funny, but because he had some big cajones. This man wanted to be sure that King George could name him a "traitor" without any hesitation or doubt. In many ways, I enjoy the irony and "nah-nah-nah-na-nah-nah" attitude he took.

Our Founding Fathers have come under much criticism - especially lately - because at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence they did not outlaw slavery or press for women's rights. But what these men did, in fact, was to ensure that those issues could be addressed later: by the people, and for the people. It is impossible to expect that they would have addressed every injustice in one document, and they hoped that this was only the beginning. And it was. In fact, they changed the world - as they knew it and as we know it now. I believe they did it for themselves and their children - but I don't think they could have understood just how fully they impacted the millions who came after.

I work for a man who fled Nazi invasion as a child with his family in the 1950's from Hungary. Tyrrany & oppression & death. The story of his escape to America is really amazing and always touches my heart. Peter Schramm has lived in America for most of his life, and still laughs and shakes his heads at "You Americans" when we engage in our very American way of life. My favorite part of Peter's story is this:

My mother tells me, though I don’t remember saying this, that I told my father I would follow him to hell if he asked it of me. Fortunately for my eager spirit, hell was exactly what we were trying to escape and the opposite of what my father sought.

"But where are we going?" I asked.

"We are going to America," my father said.

"Why America?" I prodded.

"Because, son. We were born Americans, but in the wrong place," he replied.

Peter cries for America. He calls himself an American, but has a profound respect for those of us born here. He is both our greatest supporter and loudest critic for what we Born Americans do with the great heritage we've been given in our country. You can read the rest of his story here: http://www.ashbrook.org/publicat/onprin/special/schramm.html

I was raised by a man, a Marine who PROUDLY served his country, in a war that nearly ripped America apart. Where previous wars had produced "soldier heroes" who came home to parades, Vietnam produced "soldier baby-killers" who came home to spitting & disrespectful protestors. I don't share the belief that Vietnam soldiers were a disgrace to their country, although I have read many books & articles on the subject and understand only a small portion of the horror that the Vietnam War inflicted on the nation of Vietnam and the Americans who were called to serve there.

I am not here to convince anyone of anything about the Vietnam War, but neither will I tolerate the questioning of the patriotism and love of country any Vietnam veteran professes. My dad carries scars from the war, both seen and unseen, both blatantly obvious (as is his diabetes from exposure to Agent Orange) and well-hidden under layers and layers of self-protective defense mechanisms. I will never understand even a small part my dad went through - but I understand his motivation because I asked him about it. I understand that his time served was based on a deeply-rooted sense of honor & pride & obligation to His Country and to the Freedom it stands for.

Of the very rare and few times I have seen my father cry, all but ONCE, he cried about his love for his country. He wore his uniform with pride as he served in both the USMC and USAF, and regardless of what school textbooks and "experts" have to say about Vietnam, I know my dad is a Hero and a Patriot, and I celebrate this day especially for him.

Short & Sweet

2007-06-28T08:47:00.000-05:00

Work is very busy these days, and I've already gotten in nearly 40 hours and it's only Thursday morning. I'm pretty doggone tired, but it's starting to get cooler outside and isn't quite so "wilting" when I walk outside today.

I'm at the hospital every week now for testing - Dr. ordered a Biophysical Profile and Non-Stress test every week to watch Kaity closely for her developing size. At 32 weeks +2 days, they measured her at approximately 5 lbs 14 oz. Normal babies at that stage are about 4 lbs. Dr. said there is usually about 1 lb give or take... I'm testing my sugar 4 times a day and take 2 oral pills every day - 1 in the am and 1 in the pm. We may have to resort to insulin, but the dr is checking me weekly before deciding that, and we're going to do everything we can to avoid a c-section and too-early delivery...

We're making progress getting things ready for Kaity, and making some changes in Claira's room so she has something "new", too. She's growing way too fast and is starting to talk about Kaity more, although she doesn't fully comprehend what bringing home a baby means just yet, but she's sharp and she's trying to figure things out!

Greg's work schedule is really starting to pick up and he's getting more clients - he's having busier work days and fewer cancellations this week. It seems that most days he's really enjoying the counseling a lot.

Won't be long now and we'll have two girls and wonder what we ever did with our lives before we got married. =()

Before Life Gets the Upper Hand

2007-06-14T14:46:00.000-05:00

My life is about to become very, very busy, so before it gets away from me, I want to get some things updated...

Today, my dad had a heart catheterization. They found a 99% blockage in the back of his heart, and discovered that the blockage which originally resulted in his heart attack, is now completely blocked and cannot be repaired. The doctor told him that in the meantime, new arteries had grown and filled in and taken over to some degree and have been supplying the viable part of his heart with blood. So, he will be scheduled for surgery in Ft Wayne to have a stent put into the back of his heart. Along with the catheterization, is the complication of the dye used because of his kidney failure. He was put on a medication prior to the cath today that will help flush the dye out and try to make things easier for his kidneys to process. He's had all these building projects (including helping around our house) that are going to be put on the back burner for awhile, and HOPEFULLY he can be "good" and just devote more time being with his family & friends & fishing!!!

I did not forget to mention, but rather delayed mentioning, that last week, Dave's wife Lyn's, sister Kathy, passed away from an aneurysm. Last Saturday, 6/9, was Caden's 2nd birthday, but they spent the morning at a funeral. It was very rough on their family, as you can imagine. Kathy was only in her 40's and left a husband and 2 sons (ages 14 & 7). We would see Kathy at birthday parties for Dave's kids, and she came with her mom & their sister, Lori, to Claira's baby shower. I know there is nothing that can be said to make someone feel better when they lose a loved one, but I want Lyn to know that I love her and I'm glad she's family!!!

Starting June 19, I'll be having biweekly ultrasound/biophysical profiles, and non-stress tests for Kaity - she's due 8/12, but I think we can expect her to arrive towards the end of July... We shall see.

June 24 begins the crazy summer season for my job, and I will work several Sundays and pretty well make sure things in our Master of American History & Government degree program are running smoothly. I've got great student interns here for support - and of course, our awesome MAHG administrators. Before long, I'll be in the throes of summer, then the throes of labor, and life will change once again!!!

A Lot of News!!!

2007-06-12T14:28:00.000-05:00

You have to know how odd it is for me to be talking about & celebrating Mikhael's birthday at the same time I'm preparing to have Kaity... I just needed to say it.

Today is Mikhael's 19th birthday! Wow! It's hard to believe. He was SUCH a cute baby (if I do say so myself) and looking at his pictures through the years, I am so blessed to have been a part of his life - even from afar. I wish him a VERY happy birthday! He is a blessing from God.

Pregnancy Update:
So the diagnosis of gestational diabetes was a pretty difficult blow - but having met with the nutritionist last Tuesday, I got a grip on it and actually felt like it was very similar to what I did with Weight Watchers a few years ago. Not that I'm dieting, per se - but being conscious of what I'm eating, writing it all down and tracking carbohydrates (vs points with WW), it has felt a lot like that and I was able to really get a handle on it. I'm testing my blood sugar 4 times every day - and am getting into a decent pattern.

Had my 1st dr visit yesterday since meeting with the nutritionist - and the dr was very excited about my progress, which made ME very excited, as well. She was concerned about having to put me on medication, but after looking at my numbers, she said if I keep it up, we'll just use the diet & exercise to control the diabetes.

AND - get this, I lost 9 lbs in one week!!! I could NOT believe it - they could not believe it - and they were concerned that I wasn't eating, but I kept looking at my chart, because I feel like I'm eating non stop!!! So, for this pregnancy, I currently have a net weight gain of 7 lbs.

Next Tuesday I start my biweekly ultrasounds (to watch Kaity's growth & size) and weekly Biophysical Profiles (like an ultrasound only more detailed and checking for specific things) and Non Stress Tests (to watch Kaity's development & movements). The regular ultrasound tech at the hospital is FABULOUS and very helpful to explain things and answer questions when she can - I love visiting with her, so in some ways it'll be fun to see her that often.

So, that's the latest...

More Pics...

2007-06-01T11:11:00.001-05:00

Daddy & Claira ridin' Papa Baker's 4 wheeler. She liked going fast, but HATED the loud sound of the motor!

Mother's Day weekend - 27 weeks

Claira & Mommy hamming it up...

This is Claira squinting and saying "light" because the camera flash is so bright. She's started doing that more, so I have to be quick about taking her pics!!!

I LOVE this picture of Claira - this really captures her personality & spirit!

Glucose Test

2007-05-31T11:24:00.000-05:00

Got my glucose test results back and apparently failed miserably. Doctor said the results were "terrible" and I need to start monitoring my sugar. I'm getting a glucometer & test strips, sheets to record everything on, and have a consultation with a nutritionist next week. So, some things will be changing in our house, and until I've met with the dr & nutritionist I'm kinda in limbo and just trying to watch my sugar / carb intake until I know more. Loverly. No more starbucks (I will survive) and will just take it one day at a time...

Planning Greg's graduation party on Saturday afternoon - He's actually walking the line Saturday morning and I'm SOOOOO excited!!! I'm really proud of him and keep threatening to embarrass him at graduation by yelling & holding up signs, but won't do anything TOO embarrassing... He's adjusting to his new job - his hours suck right now, but hopefully in time, they'll become more "normal" and regular and things will even out.

Claira is hitting the terrible twos. Can that happen BEFORE she turns two??? She's not terrible - she just has some real sassiness (I can't take ALL the blame for that) and is starting to throw fits - it's getting interesting... But she's mostly sweet and cuddly and funny and we just try to get through those difficult moments when they happen and enjoy everything else. She's putting sentences together every day and it's fun being able to talk with her. I've got more recent pics and will try to get them uploaded soon.

Kaity is having a party in utero at the moment - can't tell if she's doing the Bump or the Hustle - but she's a mover & shaker right now. =) Can't wait to see her!!!

Little Miss Sunshine

2007-05-22T08:43:00.000-05:00

First, I need to brag on Greg a little bit. Yesterday, his work schedule was a little light, so he stayed home part of the day and I walked into a VERY neat & straightened house last night!!! It was SO great! We're in the midst of upgrading our basement - the paneling has been ripped off the walls, and part of the insulation in one area where we had a small leak. There are little piles of rubble from the demolition in various spots throughout the basement, and he & his dad moved some bigger items out Sunday night - and then yesterday, he sorted & cleaned up & straightened the kitchen & living room and it was just REALLY fantastic... Thank you, Honey!!!

Here's our Little Miss Sunshine... This is from Mother's Day Weekend. She really likes having her picture taken, which is helpful, but always wants to "see" the picture afterwards. Since she's used to digital cameras, she doesn't "get it" when she can't see her pic on a regular one...

Greg & I Mother's Day weekend. I'm at 26 weeks in this picture. Mom took me shopping at Fashion Bug and I found some great tops that weren't maternity tops, but because of the "fashion" of the day, I can pass them off as maternity tops. WOOHOO!!! I hate spending money on maternity clothes that I'll only wear for a couple of months and not be able to use more long term, so that was a good deal - this is one of those tops...

Every child should know where their "Inner Goofy" comes from, don't you think???

Monday Morning

2007-05-21T10:57:00.000-05:00

Miss Claira spent the night at her Mama Taylor's last night because I had to be at the hospital this morning at 7:00 am for the 1 hour glucose screen. I set my alarm last night for 5:05 am and THEN could NOT get comfortable, soooooo at midnight I as up taking a warm bath which finally settled "whatever" it was keeping me awake, and I finally drifted off to sleep. I opened my eyes and looked at my clock: 6:15 am!!! Panic - ripped my clothes off - washed my hair - had to iron my pants and drive like a madwoman to get to the hospital 35 minutes away...

Got there - 10 minutes late - only had to wait another 10 minutes - and drank down the mostly-flat Orange Crush tasting syrup they make you drink... All in all, it really wasn't too bad. Kaity didn't even seem to FREAK OUT about all the sugar, well, not for a couple of hours anyway, and even then, she has seemed pretty okay with it. That's good. I can remember Claira having a party after I took the first sugar test with her... My next appt is 6/4, and HOPEFULLY I don't have to go to the 3 hour sugar test later.

The weekend was really nice. Took Claira to her cousin Kyle's T-ball game on Saturday - she saw all the boys out there on the baseball diamond and waved her hand and said, "Hi Kids!" She LOVES people!!!! Yesterday we went to her cousin Emma's dance recital and I think Claira put on as GOOD a show as we saw on stage. She was dancing and rocking to the music. At one point, she was trying to copy the arm and leg movements and jumping and turning circles!!! So, when she's old enough, I think it's definitely something we'll pursue for her - she was QUITE happy with the music and dancing...

Got most of my garden planted: cherry tomatoes, 2 kinds of watermelon (sort of an experiment), and a row of mixed lettuce. Got my orange peppers started in a pot indoors since it's not quite warm enough, and then I'll plant my zucchini next weekend. Last year, I had HUGE success with some little yellow "cherry" tomatoes - they were AMAZING - even Claira was eating them off the vine - but we couldn't find them this year, so we went with some "sugary" cherry tomatoes.

A pair of bunnies have proliferated somewhere in our back yard (or under Kevin's shed next door) and have had 6 babies. I imagine my little garden may help feed them on occasion - which is okay, as long as we can have SOME produce for ourselves. =)

Having a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions lately. Weekends bring them on - probably because A) I'm doing more moving around and getting things done and B) I don't drink as much water on the weekends as I do at work... So, I'm trying to think about those two things and Greg has been very helpful with moving laundry from floor to floor and carrying Claira when she needs it.

Little Miss THANG has more attitude than I think I've ever had, so for those of you who have ever had to put up with my drama and attitude - I'M REALLY SORRY. Lol... Actually, she's a fun kid (for the most part) and is really way smarter than Greg & I think we probably are, so we can't let on that we think she is smarter, or that will be the end of us... sigh...

Have been taking lots of pics with our regular camera - and just need to get a few rolls developed and some digital copies so I can post pics online. My parents are coming down for Memorial Day weekend and we'll be doing some "getting ready for Kaity" activities, and enjoying some DOWN time, as well...

I'm a Summer

2007-05-18T14:20:00.001-05:00

You Are Summer!

Outgoing
Friendly
Flirty
Cute
Fun

What Season Are You?